A BIBLICAL CHAPTER.

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1318, 9 December 1880, Page 2

A BIBLICAL CHAPTER.

Tiik following 1 lines apropos to the starting 1 of the two rival papers at Te Aroha, are not bad :—: — 1. Behold ye generations of the earth! Hearkeu unto to the words of the prophet who now oueueth his mouth. 2. L> ! There liveth in the v;ile of Hauraki a man of exceedingly small size, and whose length i* one cubit, yea, verily, and his breadth is the half of* his height. o. And Lo, this man cirrieth himself when before the people as a cock who peiainbuUtcth his dunghill. 4. Aud the people dq laugh him to acorn as he strutteth along the highways, and by-ways of Hotereno, which being interpreted meaneth Sbortland. o. Now the chipf ruleis of tho Sannedrim acknowledged them as their High. Priest, and 10, his motto was "Truth, shall be his guiding light.'' 6- And it c line to pa»s that he did consult with his brothers ar>d did .say : 7- " Behold, now i-> our time, let ua hasten to the Aroha, and there issue our literary dribblings. We will be the first — yea — and shall catch tho worm as doth the early bird." 8. -nd they made merry among themselves and feasted ou a flagon of the gin, which is called Schnapps. 9. And lo ! they did go to the landing place aud did &py an opposition man who was preparing for the issue of a new paper at the Te Aroha. 10. Then did they weep, and there was gun shin q of teeth. 11. And the chief of the iSannedrhn saith, " Bv the powers they have divined our intention, and fore-tailed us." 12. And they did forthwith employ a boy who was a rider of race horae.- to carry some of their dribbles to the Mountain called Love. ]?i. But when he arrived he found that j the early bird had citched the worm, and he was sick at heart. 14. Then did the ruler of the Sannedrini, whose motto was "Truth shall be hU guiding light, " gn.ish his teeth, and he and all the members of his house lifted up their \ oiee and cried aloud, and did curse the opposition. 15. And they did also tell grevious lies, these men who&e love of truth was great. 16. And their lies Mere many, but they answered not, for behold ! the people said with one accord, 17. "Behold this hypocrite, he lieth unto us ; therefore we will slay him with his own jaw bone, for he is an ass. 18. And the little man fled, and did close his house against all comers, for he so^e afraid. 19. Now these things came to pass in the reign of the noble Saxon Wilkie the First, who was the Mayor-elect of the Bo'ough of Thames. 20. And behold he was a great man in his day, and his deeds, and the words that he spoke, are they not recorded in the book called the Thames Busters ?

4 'How shall we get the young men to church ?" is the title of an article in a religious weekly, and the sly dog of Philadelphia answers thus : "Get the girls to go, brother, get the girls to go. " And many a wicked wink he wunk. The only philosophy worth a cent for everyday use is that 'which sustains a woman against the fear of rats when her candle suddenly blows out down in the celiar and that isn't worth much if tb.e stairs are handy for a run. A Detroit boy laid an umbrella with a cord tied to it in a public door-way. Eleven persons thouerht that umbrella was theirß, and carried it with them the length of the string. They then suddenly dripped it and went off without once looking back or btopping to pick it up. A Galvbstos tramp wanted a good square meal. The gentle mausaid — "Why don't you do like Dr. Tanner does 'i Get fat ou nothing but water." Sirrah ! replied the tramp, sticking his hands in his inside broast pocket, •« do you take me for a mountebank ?" Patrick Byrnes, late of H.M. 101 st Kegiment Royal Fusileera, is credited with the fastest 20 miles run on record— 1 hour 54 minutes, and wagers that he will repeat the heat. Mr. H. N. Abbot, during" his visit to Whangarei, amicably settled the dispute about the prize ticket in the £5000 sweep, by dividing the proceeds between MrPemberton, the holder, and Mr Davis, the pur* gha&ey— £9oo a.piece.