ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1253, 10 July 1880, Page 3

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Some time ago a man came here from America, and went to one of the Southern towns to "receive his inheritance," as he called it. His "inheritance" was bequeathed to him by his father, and consisted mainly of book-debts. He placed his affairs in the hands of a solicitor, who asked him what proof ho had of his father's death. " The old man's planted, and there's the papers to prove it," said the American, as he produced a certificate of burial. The solicitor told him that that was merely a certificate of burial, and that a certificate of death was required, "Great Cresar ! I tell you the old man's planted, and there's the papers to prove it. Would you plant your old man if ho warn't dead ? We don't do that sort of thing in the States." The proof of death must have been forthcoming, however, for the American sued the various debtora and got judgment against them. He went to his solicitor shortly afterwards and said, " Waal, judge, have you got the judgments ?" ' ' Yes," said the solioitor ; " but all the debtors have become bankrupt." " Great Csesar ! this is a darned rum country. You tell a fellow he's planted his old man before he's deal, and then when you get judgments against fifty-four people for £i5O the whole fifty -four go broke." Young ladies are apt to make mistakes when they are translating from their own language into a foreign one, through not being able to select appropriate words. A young lady was recently translating an English story into German. She managed very well until she came to the word '• stone." (The story told how a man sat on a stone at the top of a hill. ) She took up a dictionary, looked up the word, which she found had several equivalents in German, and selected one at random. When her German master examined her exercise, he told her that it would not be much use for a man to sit down on such a stone as she mentioned, as it was a >•«&/;- hcvry titoiic. Mr Justice Richmond gave a wellmerited reproof in his charge to the Grand Jury to those hotelkcepers, storekeepers, and others who give blank cheques to strangers, thereby facilitating the forging of cheques which has become so prevalent lately. Some of the banks have a printed form on each cheque — book-issued — requesting their customers to keep their ' cheque-books in a secure place, but the i caution is almost invariably disregarded. "Where is Heaven?" Such is the heading of an advertisement to which great prominence has beeu given in the Slur I took up the paper to read the advertisement, having no doubt but that it referred to a sermon or lecture on tlrs much vexed theological question, as I doat on sermons and lectures, and wanted to know where it was to be heard or read. Sxd disappointment ! The advertisement was a delusion. It refeired not to a lecture, but to a new song., I did not fe"l much like singing, when Idiscoveied how I had been sold. I recently had the pleasure of looking at a l'jt of old coins and tokens, sent out to the Auckland Institute by S. T. McKelvic, Esq. The tokens were the larger and more important pait of the collection, and I spent a very pleasant hour or two, examining them. The majority of them were copper, about the size of the half-penny coined in the early | part of the reign of our present Queen, before the introduction of the bronzo coinnge. Many of them -were struck in commemoration of events, such as the recovery of the King (George III.) from illuesb ; the appointment of the Prince of Wales (afterwards George IV.) as Ttegent ; the starting of some ironworks at a place in Wales with an unpronounceable name ; the acquittal of Mr Tooke, charged with treason : and others of a similar nature. Besides these there were a number similar to those in circulation here, issued by different merchants and tradesmen. lam puzzled to know why so many of these tokens, especially of the latter class, were issued in the year 1794. I have looked up my English History, but can find no reason for it. Perhaps some of the readers of the Waikato Times are better informed and can enlighten me. Our representatives seem determined to go in for retrenchment, but everyone seems to have his own pet scheme for effecting it. If the Government do not exercise the greatest care there will be a nice mess made, in consequence of eightyseven different plans (I suppose the Speaker will not be allowed to have a plan of bis own). If I were a sporting man I would be willing to lay long odds that Sir George Grey's scheme is the most impracticable of the lot, and I would name Speight for second place. I notice that Mr Lundon has christened Mr Reader Wood "the greatest morepork in the House." Of course, Mr Lundon is an old and experienced (pothouse) politician, and is well qualified to give an opinion, but, as the subject under discussion waa finance, Mr Reader Wood's utterances are worth more than those of Mr Lundon, and all the other nominees of the Central Committee, not excepting the self-sufficient member for Auckland City West. The other day I went into Woollam's, near to the Cafe, and the best place in town for tobacco, to replenish my poach. (Mom. for Manager : Do not charge for this as an advertisement, as Mrs Wollams ia a widow with a family, to support, and, as I also am a widow, I sympathise with her, and want to give her a cheap advertisement.) Just inside the door. is a glassI case, containing among o ther things

playing cards. On the baok of the pao^s was the Royal coat-of-arnas, around which was tho legend,' "Heaven's light our guide." What can it mean ? Is Hoyle superseded, or are the cards "marked" With invisible ink, which becomes legible when held up to the sun ? We have a 'cute Yankee here just now —Mr Allan P. West,— who has been teaching the young people, and the old people too, to dance in the new style. I have not seen the new style myself, but I am informed by those who have that it is nearly, if not quite, identical with the old style taught thirty years ago, and that if Mr West would go to a village dance at Otahuhn, Panmure, or Howick, he would see his new style danced better than he teaches it. There has been a good deal of talking about the Whangarei shooting case, in which a man named mith was tried for shooting another man named Walsh. The jury, which were empanelled to try the case on Tuesday, was locked up all night and discharged on Wednesday morning, without having been able to agree as to a verdict. Another jury was empanelled on Wednesday, but they were unable to agree, so they spent Wednesday night under the Sheriffs care, and, failing to agree as to their verdict, were discharged on Thursday morning. The Crown Prosecutor decliued to proceed further in tho matter and the Judge was about to discharge the prisoner. He objected to this, however, and said that it was not fair that he Bhould go away with a slur on his character. He therefore demanded another trial, so that a jury declare him to be innocent or guilty. The third trial will take place next week, as fresh jurymen will be then in attendance. When the jurymen were locked up all night they were piovided with food, blankets and fire, also, at their own cost, with beer, but the st°ny hearted Sheriff refused to allow them to have a pack of amis and a bottle of brandy. Moral : When you are summoned to attend as a juryman p\it a pack of cards and a pocke^ pistol in your pocket, and so be prepared for emergencies. St. Mungo.