ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XV, Issue 1244, 19 June 1880, Page 3

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

The other clay a number of gentlemen were talking about suicides, in the Cafe 1 , when one of them mentioned a most deliberate case, which occurred on board a ship by which he was a passenger from one of the sister colonies to the mother country. Among the passengers there was one of the best families in the colony referred to, and a young man, also of good family, but of dissolute habits. The young man, in spite of repeated refusals, persisted in paying his addresses to a young lady, a member of the family mentioned already. One fine day, while the ship was sailing at the rate of about ten knots an hour, he said to her, "If you do not promise to marry me I will jump overboard and drown myself." "The very best thing you can do, " she jestingly replied. He got outside the taffrail and then said,. "I ask you for the last time if you will marry me. " " Once for all, I will not," she replied. " Then, good-bye," and he jumped overboard and was seen no more. Some time ago it was decided to raise sufficient money to repair and enlarge one of our suburban churches. Subscriptions were solicited and were freely given in most cases ; but when a subscription list was presented to one of the wealthiest members of the congregation he objected to what had been done, to what it was proposed to do, and to the way in which it was proposed to do it, and at last put down his name for thn cah Mings. I thmk lie should have put down "one hundred and forty-four farthings." It would have cost no more, but would have looked better. I heard a good story the other day about the way in which one of the " devil's own " was euchred by his articled clejsk. Knowing that his father had paid a large premium for him to be articled, the latter determined to "take it out." He accordingly procured a large number of the papers set for afticled clerks to answer before admission, and took them to the solicitor's house and asked him to help him to answer the questions. He managed to spend three or tour evenings • a .week very profitably in this way, and w|),ipii the splicitor got tired and left the room' he used to ring the bell, and >vhen the servant entered it send her for her waiter. Where is England 1 When I was at school I was taught that it was in Europe, but it must have been moved since then, as the Hmild last Saturday contained a lecture given by Mr Joshla Martin, one of our local b<tcaif>, in which he describes a tour "Through England and Europe." Mr Martin said that London was so greatly altered that he hardly recoguised j it again. This may probably be accounted for by 'he fact of England having drifted out of Europe. , Whither has it drifted ? J I must ask the Editor of the Hvmld, for j he knows everything. Sir George they has found another "mare's nest." He wanted to know why three Maori prisoners were discharged from Mount Eden Gaol, to give evidence at the Native Lauds Court. The Government telegraphed to Mr OBrien, the Governor of the Gaol, asking the reason, and received a reply to the effect that no such discharge had taken place. Poor cjir Geoige ! Sold again. ! It is astonishing how many of the popular beliefs are fallacies. One of these is that Irishmen make' all the "bulls" One of the best " bulls" I have heard for some time was made by a lady who has not a drop of Irish blood, in her veins. She was speaking- of a friend, and said, "I saw him strutting about town in a cab, to -day. Another fallacy, is the belief that a Scotchman requires the performance of a surgical operation before he can enjoy a joke. The other day a friend of mine met Mr (or Captain) D. H. McKenzie, the chairman 'of both the Harbour Board and the Central Committee, and read him last week's "Echoes," and, though they contained several hits at the Greyites and Harbour Board, "D. M." laughed heartily at them, and seemed to enjoy them immensely. Mr Tole stated in the House that his was the most aristocratic constituency in the colony. How I wish I lived in Eden ! How I wovtld " clap my wings and crow." Where was Mr Moss, and what was he thinking about, that he did not assist the claims of Parnell ? Mr Reader Wood too, being a resident, should have stood forth as champion of the aristocratic suburb of Auckland, whose inhabitants have always been noted for their "pride and poverty." Mr Tole had better not go through Parnell without the whole of the Central Committee as a bodyguard, or his life will be in danger. There has been a nice little scandal in connection ' with the District Hospital. Mr Brown, the head nurse, was accused by Mr Gadd, a night-wardsman, of robbing 1 the bodies of the dead patients. Dr.°Philson, assisted by MrMacffarlane, held an. inquiry into the charges, which were proved. Mr Brown then confessed his fawlt and made restitution, «o he -was j forgiven, while Gadd, the informer, was dismissed the service. I wonder if the police aro going to take the matter up, or if it is to be allowed to rest ? My ideas' may $c far fetched, but I can conceive of no~ "meaner act than robbing the dead, and, although Dr Philaon and Tommy Macffarlane have 'forgiven him, I think that B/iwn should be prosecuted. I am glad to hear that he has resigned his appointment. Dr Phikon must have been " hard up" for a coadjutor before he asked the assistance pf the Curator of Intestate Estates in a matter of this sort. He should have remembered that "fel-low-feeling makes us wondrouß kind." "The' Hon." John Sheehan has been addressing his constituents at the Thames, and telling them what everybody knew before— that the Grey Administration was the best and purest the colony has seen— that the Native Department was excellently well managed during hia

term of office — that there was no unnecessary expenditure in the way of cabs, diamond rings, or anything else — and many other things of the same sort. Johnny is a very clever fellow, r^bufc, $£ be ia-frise, he will give up, \Wil|c^ a^d /^ gife hisi whole attention tonis" practice. 'anff leave the great pro-consul to work out his destiny of the human race with the assistance of the representative of the ".most aristocratic constituency in the fcbJo^ijG." . ; f We havo a conscientious butcher in Auckland now. He was brought up at tho Police Court the other day charged with slaughteringjoaly.Qs. oii__hi.s premises in Queen-street. He ac 1 - nowledged that h,e had slaughtered the calves, but said that ho could not plead guilty, as the information set iorth that the offence was committed on the 4th June, where it was on the .3rd. i The^ information ,was amended arid he then pleaded guilty, and I was fined 10s and cost*. I may be wrong, j but I believe it was that same butcher who had a large piece of calico stretched in front of his shop bearing the legend, "The only butchering establishment?.'' Perhaps hi 3 conscience tvas not so critical in those days. That is a very excellent idea of Sir George Grey's, presenting a gold medal to Mr Moorhouse, giving him and his descendants the right to travel free on the railways. Of course, Mr Moorhouse will propose that a similar- modal be given, to . *ir George G^rey, and then some one eit&r will propose one for Mr Macandrew, who will return the same, and so it will go on until all the members have medals I would suggest that they be made of leather, and that tenders be immediately called for supplying 88 medals. So George Jones, junior, is elected for Waitaki — another journalist, but not a remarkably clever me&Ber-of the profession, unless he has improved wonderfully since he published the Bcito herfe. Will he endeavor to get a committee appointed to inquire into his grievances in connection with the justly celebrated libel case ? Of course, he is a Liberal, as all those are who have nothing to lose and every thiug to gain by a general scramble. The Herald must be fully satisfied about the stability of the present Government or it would never have printed the long list of extravagant items of native expenditure of the late Native Minister, which appeared in yesterday's issue. Johnny Sheehan seems to have been "death" on gravestones, but the item which amused me most was 10s for a bottle of brandy for a dead man. I anr" afraid Johnny helped to drink that brandy, and, in consequence, got somewhat confused as to which name to put in the voucher. St. l&vsoo.