ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XIV, Issue 1206, 20 March 1880, Page 2

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

0\ Friday Meek Mr Adams. 8.A., delivered the first of a series of lectures at Mra Claytons school in Parnell. On looking at the li&t of subjects of the lectures one involuntarily exclaims, "Just the same old ui\ .and eightpence !" Why does not someone "break out in a fresh place," and give a lecture on home subject on which no one else has ever lectured. I will suggest a subject, which, in skilful hands might bo made into a magnificent lecture — " The Reasons why Adam never was a Boy." I will suggest a few and leave the readers ot the Waikato Timks to continue:— l. That there were no other children -with whom he could make mud-pies. 2. That lie had no mother to make jam, and, consequently, there was no jam for him to steal. 3. That there were no other hoys with whom he could play at marbles and fight. 4. That there were no windows at which he could throw stones. •>. No ! 1 will not give all the rea&ons, or the " Kehoes " will fill up one whole issue of the WuKATO Times, and the lecturer will have nothing to do but read that paper. I am rather s>orry for Adam, as I think he lias been rather badly treated. Methusaleh has always been spoken of as the oldest man. Now Methusaleh started on this life as an "infant, muling and puking in the nurse's arms," whereas Adam started as a full-grown man, old enough to get married. The "boys" in those days did not marry until they were a hundred or a hundred and fifty years years old. Add 100 to 930, Adam's age when he died, and we get 1030, Adam's correct age, allowing him the time he should have lived before lie got married. By this calculation he beat Methusaleh by 01 years. Just fancy the son of one of those antedeluvians goiug to his father and telling him he wanted to get married. The "old man " asks who the girl is, and what her age is. The " boy " tells him her name, and that her age is ~>o. "Another instance of eatt-love. " .says the father ; "^yoti arc only 70, and the girl is only 50. Ko ! I will not lu\e the nice degenerate by early nuniages. Wait 30 jenix. Your mother was 100, ami I was l."> 0 when wo nore mairied." The old man. goes away, wondering if over children will get icnse.

Well, I think we have had enough about the antedeluvians (too much some will say), so we will return to the nineteenth century, and I will tell you a little story which I heard, the other day, from one of the Island traders. There was a young fellow, who lived in one of suburbs of Auokland, who was known by the name of " Nick." He was a " bad egg," and after making New Zealand too " hot" for himself, he went down to the Islands. He tried every means of making a living (except hard work), from running a " nigger minstrel show" downwards, until, at last, he robbed a native woman of os at Samoa,. For that he was sentenced to six months' penal servitude. The hard labour men at Samoa are employed in making a wharf. Part of a coral reef is blasted, and the prisoners gather up the pieces and build the wharf with them. Nick was put at this work with the rest, and as gentle exercise in the water was not altogether objectionable, he worked as well as the rest for a few days. Then he got tired of it, so he began to scheme how he should get off the work. A happy idea struck him. He was the only white man in the gang. The warder, who was marching up and down with a gun over his shoulder, was a native, so Nick went up to him and told him that he must exchange employments with him. The warder, probably overawed by Nick's cheek, handed over his gun and joined the gang at their work- All went well for a day of two, until* Commissioner Gorrie, passing by, looked among the gang at work for the white man. He did not see him, so went up to the warder to ascertain the cause. What was his surprise to see the noble Nick doing "sentry- go. "• Of course, there was a row, Nick was tried for a breach of the prison regulations, and sentenced to three months in the " stone jug," no light punishment in a semitropical climate. Some time ago, Captain Logan, of the s.s. ''Hero," made his hundredth txip to Auckland, and a purse of sovereigns was presented to him. I should think that Sarah Ann Shields will shortly make her hundredth trip to Mount .Eden (she was " sent up" la-t week again for drunkenness), and I think she ought to celebrate the occasion by giving a party. No ! that is the wrong phrase. When 1 was young people used to give parties, but now they have "At Homes." Well, let Mrs Shields have an "At Home." I suppose this would be something like the style of the card : —

Mks Shields. At Home on Thursday, Ist April. Ladies.— Fancy Work in Oakum. G ntlemen.— Geology. Mount Eden.

There has been a great row between the General Manager of the Railway and the Traffic Manager, and the former suspended the latter. He said that the General Manager had not the power to suspend him, and refused to leave his office. However, he must afterwards have seen his mistake, for he left on Saturday. There has l>een general rejoicing among the railway employe's, for the Traffic Manager was a regular martinet. I heard a good story the other day about Mr Stewart, District Engineer, and my informant vouches for its truth. In one of the country districts he had to decide on the route for a road. There were two routes practicable, one known as the ''bush road," and the other as the "Mountain Road." My friend asked one of the settlers which was the better route, and was told that the "bush road" was infinitely preferable. Very well, then try all you know to persuade Mr Stewart to adopt the "mouutain road.' Some time after my friend met Mr Stewart, and asked him on which route he had decided. "On the 'bush road." It is far better than the other, though more than half the settlers tried to persuade me to adopt the "mountain road." Last Wednesday was St. Patrick's Day, and there were the usual processions of the Hibernian Society, «fee, sports* in the Domain, and the East Tamaki races. The day was splendid, and everything passed off well. There was some little amusement caused by the fact that the South British Insurance Company were flying the Union Jack ivp&ide down — the signal of distre&s. Some people thought that the company was m distress on account of the low rate of premiums and the frequent tires lately, but Mr John- J stone, the acting manager, informed a deputation who v, aited on him that it >\ as on account of the Irish Famine. In one of the daily newspapers there appeared a few days ago, a telegram from ' G'hristchurch, giving an account of a •walking match m Hagley Park. Whether it was by accident or in deference to the proprietor's pronunciation I know not, but in the telegram the name appeared as "AgleyPark." During the past week our Cafe" has been crowded with black coats, the members of the Presbyterian General Assembly taking their lunch there. I must admit that they have behaved themselves very well, and we got a little information from some of them. For instance, one told us that the advanced price in wool had made a difference to Hawke's Bay of half a million sterling, but that it took that amount to repay the difference between the amount realised for the previous season's clip and the amount advanced on it. Another told us that a large line of oats liad been sold, delivered at Ashburtou, at nine pence per bushel. Read that and weep, ye farmers of Waikato ! That is almost as bad as having pleuro-pneu-monia among your cattle. St. Mungo.