RAILWAY RETURNS.

Waikato Times, Volume XIV, Issue 1204, 16 March 1880, Page 3

RAILWAY RETURNS.

An Irishman bedazzled by the appearance of a magnificent officer of hussars, turned awe-stricken to a campanion, and whispered, ' ' Begorra ! shouldn't I like to pawn him !" Benevolent old lady : • ' Tell your mother. William Stubbs, that I shall call in during the day and give her a little Spiritual comfort." W. S. : "She'ull be glad o' that, inarm, cos she cant pay the score at the Bull binst fayther died, and ain't 'ad no spirits fur a week." The greatest man is he who troubles himself the least about the verdict that may be passed upon him by his contemporaries or posterity, but who finds in doing good, honest work to the best of nis ability under existing conditions its own *' exceeding great reward." The least coquettish of women knows when a man is in love with her long before he has any idea of it himself. That is to say, she knows it before he is in love. A stupidity must be as big as a house for a man to see it, coming out of a pretty mouth illuminated with pretty teeth, and from between two rosy lips. They say " Mrs Langtry can be more graceful in stubbing her toe than most women can be in throwing a kiss." "We are bacHng the other woman The New York Triimne U authority for the announcement that " Koman striped stockings are the favourite style in New j Yor* at present." "We have been sighing for a change. Christianity means to tbemerchant that he should be honest : to the judge that he should be just ; to the .servant, that he should be faithful ; to the schoolboy, that he should be diligent ; to the street-sweeper that he should sweep clean ; to every worker that his worK shall be well done. In marriage is required the feame quality essential to the satisfactory gustation of sausages— perfect confidence. The Spaniards have a saying : *In choosing a wife, shut your eyes and commend your soul to God." That's a good rule too in being hanged. Think twice before you believe every evil story you hear, and think twenty times before you repeat it, especially if it it> about a woman. Say to yourself, "This may not be true, or it may be exaggerated, "unlo s you havo proof of the verucity of your informant. People bomethnes tell falsehoods, they often make mistakes, and they sometimes " hear wrong." There is auricular illusion as well as optical illusion. Take all these things into consideration before you even believe. As for repeating the stoiy, ask yourself if it is necessary. Then do it with the fear of God and the rememberance of the golden rule. Let us give the helping hand, not the downward push ; so may the angels reach their hands towards us when we stand in. nped The grart Napoleon, with trembling Europe 1 at his feet, was not high enough to be above being annoyed by two women — De Stael and Recainier He never liked the former, and she never forgave him for his indifference to her fascinations. The favour of the latter he had courted in vain, and that was sufficient reason, even though she had not been the friend of Necker's brilliant daughter, for visiting her with his <\iBpjea>ure. Said Madam De Stael bi^evly< The coalition of two WQiueu un the banks of Lake Geneva lightened the master of the world.. 1 ' A coalition of two women anywhere will frighten any man. They are the flint aw\ tho steel, uud man it> the puwdw,

A man in Illinois has had five wivee. Probably nobody knows what that man has suffered. If you have a pretty daughter you will have a brain full of anxiety and a house full of scented note-paper. 1 he " Bulletin" of Wednesday, speaking of the execution of two Indian murderers, says , 'perfect order and harmony prevailed during the entire scene." The harmony and vibration of the chords must have been very satisfactory to the musical earof justice, as with its dying fall it choked two of the principal listeners with emotion. So witty a compliment is rarely made as that of Sydney Smith's to his triends, Mrs Tie and Mrs Cuff :— " Ah ! there you are — the cuff that one would be glad to wear, and the tie that no one would loose !" The "Weather and the Crops. — -Young Farmer : Nice warm rain— bring things out o' the ground, won't it ? Reprehensible Old Widower : Don't mention it ! I've got two wives there already !—! — Punch. A girl in Massachusetts who painted pottery has become insane. And in the hideous dreams and fancies that glare upon her darkened mind she imagines she sees all the things she has painted. Anotheb too zealous colored brother near Nashville has blown the whole top off his wife's head because she will not accompany him to church. She is believed to have chosen the lesser evil. He was himself the preacher. A comparison of the women of the Eastern and Western States credits the former with greater devotion to study, and the latter with superior enthusiasm. We prefer- -and hope we inspire—enthusiasm. Anklets, with small belts attached, arc worn by English ladies at skating parties. They jingle with every movement. We read of one lady who went even farther, und played castanets as sho glided idoug. Tm new Pure Cash System now being initiacdt by Ci. und C. will certainly prove a benefit to the public. It has been «i great success in Sydney and Melbourne, and when strictly carried out the customer who bu\s at an establishment where the goods are marked low to ensure a rapid sale must bo a great gainer. G. and C. sell their drapery, millinarj, and clothing at such prices for cash as gives the buyer the advantages of a shareholder in a co-operative society, without the risk of being called upon to bear a portion of the loss should the j car's business prove unsatisfactory. Gcirlick and Cranwell will aim to retain the confidence which the public have hitherto shown them, and are determined to ghc the pure cash S3*stcm a fair trial ; whether they gain or lose the first year. Country buyers on remitting "cish with order will be supplied with goods at co-ouerati\e prices ; just the same as though they made a personal ,sc» lection. Furnishing goods, such as carpets, floor cloths, bedsteads, bedding, and general house iurniture, the largest portibn of which is turned out at our own factory, will be marked at the lowest remunerative prices, and a discount of five per cent, will be allowed to those who pay at the time of purchase. G. &C. having realised the entire value of their stock during their late cash sale, the present stock is new and cheaply nought. An inspection is invited. — Garlick and Cranwfli., City Hall Furnishing Arcade, Queenstreet, Auckland.

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The following is the Railway Working Account showing the receipts and expenditure to the termination of the fourweekly period ending 10th January 1880 :-