ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Waikato Times, Volume XIV, Issue 1203, 13 March 1880, Page 2

ECHOES FROM THE CAFE.

Auckland is a great place for cads, and we have a number of large and small factories where the article is manufactured or, at any rate, improved. The greatest factory is the Great Unlicensed Pawnbroking Association, but all the banks are factories. Ido not mean to state that there are none but cads in the bank here, ; for some first-rate fellows, as good fellows as are to be met anywhere, in the banks here, but the cads out number them. The lawyers' offices and insurance ! offices do their level best to manufacture cads, and succeed fairly well. One little cad, who is in an insurance office, went up in a 'bus to his sister's house the other afternoon. The 'bus-driver had a small parcel to leave at the house of the cad 'a sister, so he asked him to take the parcel with him. "Hoa,' he replied, "I-ah <lon't go in at the-ah back do-ah. " The j bus-driver had to ask a gentleman to hold I the reins and to take the parcel in him* I self. The New Zealand Punch, after a vain struggle for existence in Wellington, has made its appearance in Auckland, and a [ very poor appearance it is. The pro* i prietor does not know much, or he would I not need to be told that what is not good enough for Wellington will certainly not do for Auckland. Besides, it is too Grey for the better classes, the classes who would be likely to buy Punch. The street— loafers, who are the genuine Grey* ttes, will look at the cartoons in the stationers' windows but will not contribute *r»ward3 tue payment of the publisher's bills. One of the " devil's own " made a nice exhibition of himself last week. He appeared for the defendant in a case where the plaintiff was a goldmining company, suing for non-payment of calls, He had forgotten to prepare his defence, so he whispered to one of his legal friends sitting beside him, asking what defence he should offer. "Say defendant ia a minor" was the reply. No sooner said than done. Mr Parchment put in his defence, and all went well until the ex* animation of the defendant, who was asked his age. " Sixty- three," was his reply, which was followed by a roar of laughter from all in the Court. What a happy choice the Hon. F. Whitaker made in selecting a private secretaiy. I consider Mr Jackson' 3 pleuro-pueiunonia letter in the Waikato Times quite a model. He ought to j try to get it back again ; get it I framed and glazed, and keep it as one of the heirlooms of the Jackson family, if there is a Jackson family. I hope there is not, however, or, if there is, that there are no more such geniuses as the AttorneyGeneral's private secretary. A family of half a dozen of his stamp would be enough to ruin New Zealand. Well done, Thames Navals ! lam very glad to see that Vol. A. Thomas, of your company is to bring back the Carbine Champion Belt from Nelson, having fairly won it after a severe con* test between the best shots in New Zealand. I should have liked to see the Rifle Champion Belt also won by an Auckland man, but we must not be too greedy. What has happened to the Canterbury and Otago men, who used to win so large a proportion of the prizes a few years ago? They may write " Ichabod," in very large letters, over the trophies won by rifle-shooting in former years. Something looking very like a swindle was worked on the proprietor of our Caf£ last Monday. One of the rooms had the table laid with especial care ; the room was tabooed, and no one was allowed to enter there. On enquiry I learned that the room in question was reserved for the use of the members of the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church. However, they did not arrive to eat the lunch prepared for them, so the proprietor asked a Presbyterian who lunches at the Cafe" if he could tell the "why and wherefore." He was told that he had prepared the lunch just one week too soon, as the Assembly does not meet until the 15th inst. Whether it was a mistake or a swindle I cannot say ; but I suppose we must give the Presbyterians the benefit of the doubt. Mosquitos have been very troublesome here this summer — worse than I have known them "_> foi'e. I think it was Josh Billings who said he liked mosquitos, because they are " cheerful little ciibbes, singing as they toil. " I totally disagree with Josh, if those are his sentiments, as it is their singing that annoys me. Their biting does not trouble me ; but their

objectionable style of informing me that they are biting me is, in my case, the worst part of the mosquito nuisance. We have had rain this week, but not before it was very much needed. In the country there was no pasture for the cattle, and in the town and suburbs people who had not water laid on have had to get it carted to their houses. Of course there are some who grumble at the rain. Some of the farmers have not got their potatoes up, and so are afiaid of a second growth If the ruin had not come when it did, th«»re were some who wished prayers for rain to be said in the Churches. By-the-bye, I heard a story the other day about praying for rain, which is too good to be lost. In one of the Australian towns, prayers for rain had been said in all the Churchps. for several succ ssive Sundays, but without success. As a last resource, prayer was offered in the Synagogue on a Saturday, which was followed by copious rain the same day. Some one asked a Jew how it happened that the rain came so soon after prayer had been offered, expecting to hear the old story about the Chosen People. He was disappointed, however,, for the Jew replied, " r lhe reason is that we Jews do not pray for rain, unless there is a falling- glass." Another distinguished Engineer has reported on the silting-up of the harbour, acknowledging the fact that it is silting np, but not blaming the reclamation works. It is no less a person than Mr McDonald, Engineer to the Harbour Board, who, some time ago, showed their appreciation of his services by reducing his salary. His strong point is retaining walls. He built one for the Harbour Board a few years ago, on the north side of Customhouse-street, and every north easter that blew, twenty or thirty feet of it were washed away. He is now building another for John Lamb, near Jacob's Ladder, and, so far, it has not been much more successful than the other. One landslip carried away about twenty feet of it, and I expect the rest will be carried away before the winter is finished. The wall is known as "Lamb's Folly," which is, I think, rather rough on Mr McDonald. His name ought also to be associated with it. , St. Mungo.