AN INGENIOUS PARENT. (Chicago Tribune.)

Waikato Times, Volume XIV, Issue 1184, 29 January 1880, Page 3

AN INGENIOUS PARENT. (Chicago Tribune.)

A young man who had long dearly loved a beanfciful g>irl on Warren Avenue, besought of her recently to name the happy day, which she did with such fond,relnctant, amorous delay that it would hardly hate been thought that she had made up her mind when the date was to be moro than two months before, so soon as she saw that he really ment biz. They accordingly waited upon the author of her being.and going on their knees acquainted kirn with the lay of the land, and besought of him his blessing. He was a practical and economical old man, with a mind tertile of rescources, and when the young man had stammered that he loved her dearer than his life, and had a salary of 1800 dollars, and that he hoped — — — the old man caught up his trusty Toledo (0) walking stiok, and calling his prospective son-in-law a moon-eyed candidate for the Presi dency and a diddle binged unrindicative monomentallist' drove him oat ; •f the house; then seizing his daughter by her tiny shell-lac ear he swayed with her to the deepest bedroom beneath the attio roof, and locked her there. What was the consequence ? That very night the young man came with a rope-ladder, an ample cloak, and a double-bar-relled marriage licence, and stole his bride away, and they were made one at a West Side church. The young wife then said to her husband, *J Algernon, my father behaved to yon as mean as all get-out ; still, he was my mother's husband, and we onght to have some deference for him, so let us go to him and tell him we are wedded, and ask his blessing. Besides, I want to get my brush and comb bag that I left on the beareau." " Well, I'll go," said the young husband, " but mind you, Matilda, if he lays a hand on me, save in the way of kindness, I'll knock his two eyes into one. I suffered his previous indignities because he was the hoary-headed author of your being, but now he is only my bald-headed old father-in-law, and J won't stand it if he is three times as old as I am." Accordingly, they went home, and when they got there, and were excitedly feeling for the bell pall, the old man opened the door, and ■iid, " Come in, come in — how's the blushing bride, eh ? Bless you, my children." " No ,v, by the time we have partaken of a bottle of champagne which is in the ice-box, the hack will be here to convey you down town, or to any railway depot you may be pleased to indicate." They followed the old man into the parlour like two people in a dream. " I was afraid once," he said cheerfully, " when I saw Matilda coming down that ladder, that the darn thing would break — for she's full sixteen ounces to the pound, Matilda is — and drive all my new rostbashes and tulips into the ground. Why on earth didn't you, when you were compelled to flee from my wrath, elope out of the front door like Christians ? I left Matilda's dungeon-door unlocked, and I left the front door ajar, and I went to the foot of the stairs and j snored at the top of my voice so as I to gfive you- every facility." " Do you mean to say, venerable and respected sir," said the newlymade son-in-law, "that you have had no objections to my paying my addrssses to your fair daughter ?" " Never the least in the world, replied the old man, beaming blandly On them. " You are the son-in-law I shonld have picked out of millions if I had been permitted to choose, and even if I had not been satisfied of your worth and sobriety, I could not have it in my heart to refuse to do what Matilda desired me to do. " Theu, sir, " exclaimed the young husband, thinking that perhaps ho had married into a family having the hereditary taint of insanity in the blood; " then, sir, what did you give me grand bonnce for in sach an energetic and inconsistent manner ?" " Because, my dear boy," said the good old man," I saw if I did you would instantaneously take out a license and enlope with ♦he girl, and marry at an expense of 6 dollars 50 cents, borne exclusively by you, whereas if the marriage took plane in the orbinary ooors9 of events I should have been stuck for a trousseau, and dresses, and flowers, aud a 'd jeuner, and presents, and so on to the exteut of at least 2500 dollars."

Two men lately swam the Mississippi river above New Orleans on a wager. A report %; on the ra€3 Bays — ' None of them seemed to be putting forth much efibrt till it was discovered that an alligator had struck out from the shore as a competitor, and then — well, every man did his best to keep the alligator from carrying off the stakes. The spectators enjoyed the scene immensely, loudly cheering the alligater as he visibly gained on the men.' Propessoi* leolnring on physiology 1 "All phenomena are sensational. For instance, that leaf appears gre*m to me I hare a sensation of greenness within me." Of course no harm was meant, but still the class would laugh. The season of the year has come around when a young man may go to a social gathering to exchange sentiments with a pretty young w O man and overcoats with the young man unfortunate enough to use the most prominent pe^ in. the hali,

Thb new Pure Gash System now being initiated by G. and C. will certainly prove a benefit to the public It has been a great success in Sydney and Melbourne, and when striotly carried out the customer who buys at an establishment where the goods are marked low to ensure a rapid sale must be a great gainer. Or. and C. sell their drapery, millinery, and olothing at such prices for oash as gives the buyer the advantages of a shareholder in a cooperative sooiety, without the risk of being called upon to bear portion of the loss should the year's business prove unsatisfactory. Garlick and Cranwell will aim to retain the confidence which the public have hitherto shown them, and are determined to give the pure cash system a fair trial ; whether they gain or lose the first year. Country buyers on remitting cash with order will be supplied with goods at co-operative prices; just the same as though thoy made a personal selection. Furnishing goods, such as carpets, floor cloths, bedsteads, bedding, and general house furniture, the largest portion of which is turned out at our own factory, will be marked at the lowest remunerative prices, and a discount of five per cent, will be allowed to those who pay at the time of purchase. G. & 0. having realised the entire value of their stock during their late cash sale, the present stock is new and vert cheaply bouoht. An inspection in invited.— Gaemcx and Cbanwell, City Hall Furnishing Aroade, Queen-street, Auckland.