THE TROUBLES OF A PCET.

Waikato Times, Volume XIII, Issue 1042, 27 February 1879, Page 2

THE TROUBLES OF A PCET.

While Colonel Bangs was siitmoin his offioe one d ,y, a man, whose brow was clothed in thunder, entered. Fiercely seizing a chair, he shimmed his hat ou the table, hurled his umbrella on the floor, and sat down. ' Ave you the editor V he asked ' Yes.' ' 0-.il you read writing ?' ' Of cour.se.' ' Read that, then,' ho said, thrustat the colonel an envelope with an inscription ou it. 1 B / said the colonel, trvin" fc o spell it. " & ' That's not a B; it's an S,' said the man, «S; oh, yes, I see! Well, the words look like ' Salt for Dinner,' ' Souls of Sinners,' said the colonel.' • No, sir,' replied the man, < nothing of the kind ! That's my name, Samuel H. Btanner. I knew you couldn't read. I called to see about tho poem of mine }'ou printed the other day, on the 'Surcease of Sorrow.'' 'I don't remember it,' said the colonel. ' Of course you don't, because it went into the paper under the title of ' Smeareuse To-morrow/ 'A stupid blunder of the compositor I suppose.' ' Yes, sir ; and that's what I want to see yon about. The way in which that poem was mutilated was simply scandalous. 1 haven't slept a night since. It exposed me to derision. People think me au ass. Let mo show you.' < Go ahead,' said the colonel. f Tlih first line when I wrote it read in this way—■ 1 Lying by a weepiug willow, underneath a gentle slope ' 'That is beautiful, poetic, affecting. Now, how did your vile sheet present it to the public ? There it is. Look at it! Made it rea:l this way : 'Lying to a weeping widow, to induce her to elope? Weeping widow i Mind you i A widow! 0, thunder and Ush,taia£ I

This is too much ! Ite enough to set ft man crazy!' ' I'm sorry/ said the colonel,

< but—' 'But look a-here at the fourth verse,' said the poet. ' That's worse yet What I ssid was * Cast the pearls before the swine, and lose them in the dirt.'

I wrote that out clearly ;md distinctly, in a plain, round hand. Now, what does your compositor do ! Does he catcb the sense ol that beautiful sentiment ? Does it siuk into his soul ? No, sir! He sets it up in this fashion. Listen. 1 Cart my pills before the sunrise, and lose ihem if they hurt.' Now isn't that a cold-blooded outrage on a man's feelings. I'll leave it to you if it isn't hard !' • It's bard, that's a fact,' said the colonel.

' And then take the fifth verse. as plain as daylight: « Taka away the jingling money, its only glittering dross.' A man with one eye could have read the words correctly. But your pirate upstairs there—do yon know what he did ? He made it read :

«Take away tbe jeering monkey on a sorely glandering boss.' By George, I feel like braining.him with a fire shovel! I was never so cat np in my life.' 1 It's natural too,' said the colonel. 'There, tor instance, was the sixth veise; I rote : ' I am weary of the tossing of the ocean as it heaves.' It's a lovely line, bub imagine my horror, and the anguish of my family,_when I opened your paper and saw the lines transformed into : 'lam wearing out my trousers till they're open at the knees.' That's a little too much! That seems to me like carrying the thing an inch too far. I think I have a constitutional right to murder the compositor; do't you ?' 1 I think yon have.' ' Let me read yon one more verse I wrote:

< 1 swell the flying echoes as tbey roar among the hills, And I feel my soul awaken to the ecstasy that thrills.' Now, what do you s'pose your miserable outcast turned that into ? "Why, into this : ' 1 sn ell the frying shoes as they coast along the bulls, And I feel my soul awaken to the eteetery that whirls.' Gibberish, sir! Awful gibberish I must slay that man. "Where is be ?" 'Ho is out just now,' said the colonel- ' Come in to-morrow.' 1 1 will,' said the poet, »and I will come armed.' Then he pot on hishr.t, shouldered his umbrella, and drifted down stairs.