FEAHERS AND CHAFF.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 774, 2 June 1877, Page V

FEAHERS AND CHAFF.

(From au Auckland Correspondent.) ANOTUKII INFaNY PJMXDIGSC lVfoai 1 people Imta 'srn. They've been too often ■obliged ro keep r.li*ur c«ni{i»-,f»!iaii<:<i while somo youn^ hopeful whs brought cm tho oar'pet to -repent m miuoiri^ tonea Nome select nior*l veiaj from a schoolpiimer. It's very agifra voting to he reminded", .of th« fact that y.mir memory isn't as -good as it used to bo ?in«l that a inert) oluc "of n h:\Uy can lea hi more since yesterday -'(there fvata are a 'ways performed ii very short notice) thnii you- could contrive to commit to mrirnory m a week. It is quite unboiirab'e when you are cml^c-Hing yonr brains to romom'/er the-nam:) of the atout old swell with the gold rimmed spectacles m the corner whom you were introduced to, and- who, you were informed m a wisper, ia worth £50,000. But what do you say to an infant prodigy with two stomach?. Whys it licks all the two-headed babies hollow, and, of courae, twoheaded babies can 'holler.' It is said that the two stomachs are packed one, ovov t'other -like the "Wo kernels of a i?hilipino nut, or the balls m a Chinese poszle, that they botk require to be tilled, and it takes a precious lot to fill 'em. The father is a 'machinist at Dunedin. Tiie papers do no state whether he ia blessed with any more of the same species. .Fancy a family of double stomached twins. It would be worse than a plague of grasshoppers SILENCE IS aOLDEN Two gentlemen at the dinner •table of the Star Hotel, were discussing the quality of the land m Wellington district. One said emphatically that Waterhouse was a great fool to buy a certain block of land from a certain fellow named Alexander at 7s Gd an acre, because the land wasn't worth 2s 6d. The other replied that he knew Alexander personally, and he was an old swindler. The first rejoined that he was equally well acquainted with Waterhouse, and he was one of the greatest fools tb«t ever lived. Two old gentlemen at the end of the table uttered noverfa word, bat mutely expressed a goorl deal on their countenance. The two young men were civily informed after dinner by the landloard that the) two old gentlemen opposite were Messrs Anderson' and VVaterhouse, ; who kid aaived by steamer that '

afternoon on thoir way to England vij», San Francisco. X APPitopRiATR ituaw. A .procession, at Dunedin during: the viaifc o f hu Excellency the Governor, was slightly obstructed by a milkman's cart, -whereupon tho band promptly struck up, from the opera of 'GriflaGironV Ib'a a fraud! its a fraud. ; THB 'SOUTHLAND NEWS ' (JOBS IPOR Mft SICJBRAY, M.H.R. — Mr Murray- hsa invented unimproved wire-strain©!-, and has applied for Letters Patent) for it. Mr tfurray was always of 'an inventive tura of mind. He 'was afc the" original . inventor of <c talking against time,' but he made some improvements m ifc, aad introduced an infallible remedy for sleeplessness. There's nothing derogatory to the character of aM H R m being an inventor that I know of, but the 'Southland News ' thinks there is. That widely circulated and influential journal, referring to his wirestrainer, pronounces it very appropriate, because the inventor " is one of the moat wire-drawing speakers of the House, ' Such is the sacriligious langaago whish is Bsed^i^raference to one of the most prorais^sg poli ticians of the day. It wonlfTW' well, however, for the Newsman to bear m mind that Mr "Murray has nofc exhausted all his inventive faculties oa fchafe wireframe*. Ha may still have enoagh left to produce a p^teab nose-puller. A SANKSYMOITIOUS PRIG. ' "What a nice man that John Collins of London, nausb ba-^-of course, I don'b mean the investor of tha peculiar medicine which some people -require, when they get. Up m the morning. . I. mean a pickpocket who, from oonvertiug other peoples goods, was suddenly converted and became #<* I (outwardly) himselflle derived so much comfort rrorn tho preaching of Moody and Sankey that. he determined to turn Evangelis.^also. That, you know, is one of tl^e- inosb pleasing evidences of the^Jfircere .repentance of a converted sinner. Collius was a most powerfiil preueher,, the fdet of his having boen a pickpocket was a great " draw." . It was doubtless with tho view uf following his exnmpie tin*!; so many of his old pals rttiUmdod'hls revival meetings, and uianiftMtud such gratifying si^us of awakening, and perhaps it was to further .impress the groat truths on tlusir minds that Gv>Uitt3 was m tho iuiiiib of holding private prayermuetings at which only pickpocketn were admifceed. Ho was laying tho .qorner stone of a new ulmruh one day at Uxbridgo, wh«u ho was caught stealing a, watch hxnn fl.lad/ wiio was Mhat'itig a hymn-book witu him (itu-njg the Riiijjfiujf. He said fciau-n wiis knookiu^ around juHb ineti, and the oid habit had aeia«d upon him m an angiurded mo ! nenK do appeared to be very oo.mrite,. and was so sorrowful and humole that h«9 Wita let off, and a bran ne .v gold watch was provided . by subscript! »i. It wasn't many d.tya atcer:hab wli«n Collins \r<w dufcecoeU m jlazranie dUictu stealing a warc'i from an individual woo vaa engaged m pr,iyer beside him. O.)lIns is now repentiiig m one of her Ai.ijosLy's tjaoln.