FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 773, 31 May 1877, Page 3

FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

i(From an Auckland Correspondent. TUB SPINStERS ELYSIUM. Is the Lyell mining district in the Provincial Distriot'of Nelson. No single 'vwomanhas ever been known'to be there more than three seconds without receiving •one hundred offers of marriage, twentyeiive per cent being lucky diggers. There are no divorces up there, because the men know rery well that'they will not be allowed to have more than three - -chances and they have to knuckle down 'to thir wires. It is no uncommon thing.: at the Lyell for the-husband ;to do all the while the wife is out a visiting, townsh the duds, and attend tothe domeet io affairs generally. No man at - the Lyell ever oomes»home and grumbles because his dinner is n't ready. Jo man at over complains ab >ut his shirtkbuttons, no man at the Lyell ever refuses buy his wife a uew bonnet, and if there -•wus a theatre there it would be the best, patronised in New Zealand. It'B just the . place to reduce the domineering lords of creation to their proper level. Thut biased abode of womankind ia probably destir.ed to be the nursery of a Woman's Bightfa Organization which shall spread' • 'into every corner of the globe and'emanci* ; pate the sex from the thraldom which tyvanifial Man has continued, from long past ages of darkness. -lathe' Wanted" columns of the 'Lyell Argus' the other day appeared the following s " A young woman of domestio habits, with strength ; ' of mind to refuse the first oiler of marriage she would be sure to receive." This was probably tbe agonized wail of an unfortunate Boniface who had been ruined by importing single women. P. S.—Alter reperusing the above I think you'd better strike it out. It wouldn't do, you know, to 'have all the , <girls in Waikato running off to tbe Lvell. ' You can't afford to make implacable - -foes of all the young bucks in Hamilton, Cambridge, Alexandra, andNgaruawahia, and to be " called out" by two hundred jilted and infuriated swains. I know what! tkVgkUjpiWmkatojßbo have'had[young, fellows fooling "ffound'for a long time without coming to definite business ought

odo. They ought; to start a mutual A.--•ociation for emigrating to the Lyell.-It would soon bring ehilly-shallying -wooots to surrender at discretion.

<QB*STISV,

"Judges have been known to perpetrate >jokes evon at a trial for iaurder. The famous Judge Jeffreys could -sometimes .jerk off a unat bo n 'mot at the expense of some.poor wretch who stood on .the'; ,' threshold of eternity. In modern times common hangmen hare to imituie their betters, -becsuse, you know,'fashions d-goend- in a fort of -sliding scale. Men. are rery imitative animals, *aud the 'law's, finisher' is a man, though I grant you, a very indifferent sort of one. »You re-; member how the hangman at OPicton' i. asked a*culprit if >ho ' felt coirifortable \ prior-ti "working him off,' w Dickens' Dennis professionally itermed i». Wei!, our #ooal -Jack Ketch has read about-it : ; *in papers—and, M<aind you, here is., another argument for the: jei-imi id against the newspapers—and he thought, perhaps, he' would take a leal Out of the book' of his brother of the halter at Picton,. the -more especially as it had been hinted on recent oooasion that he was-nervous. So, when he bad launched the (at*Ubolt; that sent Te Pati tQ meet LisMaker, ihe callous-wretch- who did the miserable, but necessary, business, glanced down - upon hhii, and said aloud in a light ,j.-rarrting tone, «How d ? ye like that, Jack ?' -Sub- V aequently ho -followed up his disgustingcoudmct by-waiting t* shake hands .with on« of Ihe reporters, who turned away-; wi'h Joathing. ( TJT6CtRArBIOAXi VA4*A*IBS. •I sappose y«u haft real tie story about the tompo. who, in aft of abstraction, transposed a marriage and death ■notice is roeh a way thtt a newly married man'WM auia t* b» «. deeply *.-fte**ed by all nha kmtxr him.' 1 think the -modern; -Joe Miller should ba -a compilatioa of all? the-aioat «j«jieal rint«t»* eitan. Ih# latrst saetinrsn I Tumbltt aaon a few. day* ago, was whea • God save ta« jQuoen' had somehowgotalaeed undaran auctioneer's announcement .of a sale of pigs. «bbtani:galjsk. The Story of tint hi|h.mintai aaiguil who.coalin'fevthink ••( 'stoppiag ' wkero <-they diaVt -kea» na faotman,' htm bean -outdont m "lew p£>alan«. A. female help at Waikouaiti requested her masttr, a clereynian, to ' have her boats aleanad.' The tmail boy was on*, an* -tke r'iiv. gentleman, who is noted ibr hh aieek und obliging dispositioa, tucked aw his sleeves an* :. afareJwiid. • boots: without a murtnur,' Perkap* he was thinking of the «ltt." ckys wjiea he iK«d to 'fag' at a public tchbol' but it took all the starch-oat of.tktt girl.. THB TILBrioHE. Ot coarse yoa're reai of the ntw lelegrapbia isat" of tmhsmittinf -voeal and met) uiftental eoun *» ky inasic. ' '.Rot-to be outdone, a< daring"! milts inrtntor Ire* 8 plan *li'«ut a»d dry for * paeii&iuic tabe railway line, diei.Liicw 'B,OOO aiiits Pus?«ugeia -and goodswre ta.br shot tiiil distance in a few -Hiii.utcv. Tin- day is. not far ofi' when there Will be an Acia. lt«ilway *Oi>inpany to Vh« M00.i." The (iesigiu-r has not apjjtarcd.yet, bus iiniu-; ilci'stuut--to La -eotuewhere. i» Anitrita., Aftjrthatwe shail .discover thi -pbiloeo- •' I'her's stone, exha t sunbettiiia out. of oucuuibi-rji, an , then • there- will- come- the uu.it-uiHßi. Aly only 6bj«ctionto telephone uffiir is, that it too .uMieli power in tlie lt&u<is Ooiinsei-upiilous-mothers in-k-w, for when-the thing gees to work thereM be no escaping 'em. 1 know gome woi>ien who wi 1 want the-tele-ph-=«e laid on line ga-—n fact, Very much ; ' Jikegas—thrcu-jh ivery in the-house : When this thing comes to ahea.i we snail get up a telephone r406.