FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 754, 17 April 1877, Page 2

FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

(Fr^pra an Aupkland Correspondent.) '. ' April \i.-U TpE aaiAT tJttPAID. Whose name' is' le'gioii. I know there is one gentleman m Auckland who coin- 7 piled an almanac and' -who found the number of "J.P 'a so- l&rge that instead of publishing a list of them he thought it would be bester. to. give oneof persons who were, not • J.P.s, -as being , much shorter. But, notwithstanding the number of the ; great unpaid, thej. are r.ofc. always to be found, if hen wanted. In the Police Court jestorday there was a considerable delay while' a baihl£ went out j and begged various -Justices' to' come and > hear a case. One had an appointment, another was holding a -sale, and a third was afflicted with a severe cold — m fact everyone had some excuse or other. Mr durst, ftho w ; a3 waiting fur another tFjijp tice, began to chafe at the delay, and" pr%4 po el to the Bar that the Court should be adjourned until the afternoon. This •lid not Bttif the -views of the gentl&neVi of the long robe. Sail Mr Thome : We can wait, your Worship. — Mr Hurst: That's all very well ; but you're puid lor it aod I'm;not. — Mr Thomfcf; --Bjut, vt's.a question of honour.— Mr Hurst : ''Oh yes, of course, the honour H9B all here, but the pay there." During the sub>equent hearing ,q^a case pne,of : thq wit-< nesses persisted id addressing' Mr Hurst' as " Your Highness," aud i really believe ho raiher liked it. ' ': ' WIIVt ; IT PAY ''•:•■ .; 'i . I was travelling m a railway train the other day, and a singular fact came under, my notice., i'here- \yoro six peraous m Llie bame carriage,: and the guard! who came round to collect the tickets, knowing me to bo couneoled with the Press, aud therefore allowed by a' liberal an; l enlightened GJ-overninent to travel free, did not wish to ace my ticket 'but simply gave me a nod of recognition and passed on. What was my astonish tnent when all the other six followed my example. 1 regarded my follow travellers with interest. They were evidently not "gentlemen of ttie Press ; " then .what the deuce were they? When the 'traiu stopped 1 ask-d the "guard; and he said : '' Well, you see, iniscer, that 'sre ove with the big red conk, he.is a chairman o> acouuty council, aud all the other coves is members of some council or thingumajigs or other. They came into town with a lot more dead-heads, and of course I kuowed 'em again." "Where do' they come from?" Well,, blowed if I know. All I want's to sen is tin pas*. If they've got that I don't ou£e it they've come from the moon " * ' Hut do you ; suppose this tfaitwavJs going to. pay uuder sucu Hrcumstauc^s?" " Who said it was?" said the guard s^ "doa't ypu be quite so fast, young man." ;ir But wil\ it • pay P' 1 "Pay; what's that to do with me, so long's">sE git «iy pay reg'lar. . 1 leave ..that. ; job to,,th.e.,.b:g,'wJ^s..''^; t ;Do yoa have many dead headY ? . Tn6 guard smiled, and regirdingmj^ith.'a curious' aniiie, said, " Dead heads; why what else d'ye think goes along, this due? Aint every two coves out of three m this country dead-heads ?" " And do you think these 'ere railways is ever meant to pay undsr sich circumstance* ? ' Who want's 'em to , mUtei- f \ ••J^utthe country 'li be ruined, tho'iucome and expenditure "wont meet, we shall be m a state of bankruptcy." " Bankruptcy— no fear !" said the guard. " But bo W ? s it to be averted?" The gu -ird placed hi? forefinger along his nose, and said m a Avhisperj " Tick, borry more o' the mopusses from Jolm Bull." Apropos of.dead-hedda, I otwerva thaton§ hon. member of Parliament, Mr Woolco;k, has turned " bagman " for a produce firm m Canterbury, and uses his free passe 3 m travelling. OLD BIZ. ' Prince B ismarck has resigned. " The army is advancing." We have heard the same thing about twenty times m a j ear or two We hear that old Bis; his resigned and retired to his chatem, his f rau and lager b ier (you see I know something of the Teutouie), and then a few days later, withdutany previous explanation, wo find tlin old mm figuring jjrominently m public affairs, and bustling about like a young man of twenty. What they call "retiring" m Russia is a very different thing to retiring m Now Zaalaud. When a German Chancellor or other greaS official swell i? properly m harness he has to work about 18 hour 3 a day, but when he retires, which he mus'nt do, on pain of being beheaded, until he is 65 — he joins the eight-hours movement/ EAGiliS' EGGS. Have you heard the news ? Well, hawks are all to be exterminated by a new patent plan invented by A Dil worth, of Waitakerei. He has nrmajed to git hold of the egga of tho American eagle, aud that famous ring-tailed rooster will 3peedily claw up all the predatory hawks, md gooJ housewives will no longer bs iv tnoital fear of losing their goslins. I iiave not heard exacly how the eggs are io be hatched, but I believe a turkeyjock is to be triod i.ou ono as an experiment, and .if it doesn't succeed io Dilyorth's satisfaction, ho'll eit on tha next )ne himself." CONSOLING!-. I cci by tho Suez mail telegrams that .he Prince of Wales has been ru-vacci-lated. What a co:nfbrfc it must ba to all md suudry of her most gracious Majesty's oyal antipodean subjects to learn that his *oyal Highnoss the hoir apparent is safe rom smallpox. Bui, the faithful Keuter las omitted all mention of twj most imlortinc things. He does not toll us why he Prince wa3 re-vaccinated, and where he lymph camo from. Why this oxeruiating retiijence o i two such stupendous [iieitions ? Why cast upJn me the burien of solving the mystery ? Was it

because the Prince r IM«Lf }ioard*of*the-. oulbreak ■ of 'smallpoi hm>ngß.t the China-" raon ah Cookbown, and desire, I to fortify himM!4«g a i nßfc I infecbio:i id view of his ' lUaWpCivisifc to theso colonies? And )\\Miy wjvere did ho jret tlia lj,inph % Ofraugb have been from tha arm of 3ei||' Q jttei* royal personage. No^pno POT?! \ gA ec ' ; ' n * prinoe' tb be Vai^BwK^ I* an 'y |n P.'v ■ Ptttfcing^Ki^BK ti@M;offl prer, I am ineljarri to->thiti]^w] m oat. hi $q been from the arjta of the DjHSI jof ]^||o6rgh'B brxby Me'ita'." BufH^pPl* Ljftß«w^nsk, should Eeuter phinje^s«V MnJ33by's stibjecb? at the antipodes into Bucli horrible and .excruciating doubts ? And why didn'l the great Reuber, while it "took," and how the Princs stood tife operation. The fact that newspa >er pro-' prietors pay for telegrams of this sort" ft J.tl'ifeag|ft!faftfeߣtU|i ajdvancement of the age. By- an d- by , I supposetj.JvfeengT^.v.tUjfe: tPjßyjcg f toothache the irrepressible Reiiter wilL. telegraph. ,thp interesting fact, and we shrtir bedol j fnfdrmefa'hWali' th'o Ifttfe : princes and princesses got over that pairp fill process — from ,"whibli< seven sucking emperors are nnt exempt — tooth-cutting. Only the other "day "the MftaiTof Turkey excused * himatflf'frtfm -''atttindiSg )>; th^ Conference becftflse of tooth&clie:: v