THE FIRST ICE CREAM.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 747, 31 March 1877, Page 3

THE FIRST ICE CREAM.

The following article was published' many years ago,' bnt it applies just as thoroughly., now^as-.-then, to the subject*. It purports to be "An account of Ethiari Spike's Eirsb arid Last Visit to -Poland " yr- :] ,- , , ''"'' 'Portland is the all-firedest place I ever seed;, i 'TL was down there m; '33, to see a little about my goin' to • the-Legislatddry arid'^ such a time as. I . had, you . never , heer'd tell on. Did lever 'tell" you .about the ice; cream scrape I had ■?', •. „' We , answered ,m . the negative, and he resumed- :\'-,,f; ' Wall, I'd bin down thar two or' ' tfai'eV' days,' pbkin' 'in I*'every1 *' every hole, an' tho't I'd. seed' everything thar was to be seen. : rßut one day towav's sundown I'was'^oin' by a shop m Middle-street "that .looked, wonder** fullyjjilick]^ of candy>an' peppermints an'^ what-nots at the windows.- An', 'then ■>■ thar war' signs With • gobld letters on to '■' them, han^n' round' 1 t|he ; door, tellin' „', how,,|tiey sold, ;Bpdii,"l!i_tead an' Ice Cream thar. ° I says to. myself, I have heeVrf A' good' 'deal about 'ere iee 'Cream, 'arid now, if I don't sco what they's made of. So I puts my hands into my pockets an' walked • - ; iti kinder ari s says to «,|chap standin' — 3 'Do you keep any ice cream herefta ?,- ».-■:;': ■'■■'■>■■ aa : ' Yes, sir,' says he, * how much 'll you have?' , *^..co,nsjde^d. l a, i minit,,,says.,ljr-' a pint, sir.' The ; young feller's face- swelled out, and h^. liked tp, have laughed fight 1 but, "but ar'ter 1 a while he asked — , „ 777 ' Did yoa say a pint, sir V ■■•'-■■■=■ * Sartinj' l says I^but p'rapsyou don'b, retail, so I don't mind takin' a quart.' ' - ' Wai, don't...you think the feller snorted right out. Tell yer what, it made rite' feel* ai'sotft <a'pison, an' I gave him, a look that; made him look - sober in f about- a' minit j an' when I clirich'd my fist an' looked so *t him,' (here Mr Spike favoured us with a 7' most ;"■:" diabolical . . expression) he hauled .: in c his honis about the ■< quickesty-ari'' handed; me a pint o' ;V^he; /? itu|P'\_aS; :; p , eVlite as -could be. 7?rY~all, I'^te^-.^.'mp^fol. of it, an' found it cool as : the north side o' Bethel Hill m January. I'd half a mind to spit it out, but just bhen I $ T , seed the ; oonfeotipner chap grinnin' behind- the door, which riz my spunk. GalFsnlash' it fellj-tHiriks ly I'll not let that white-liver'd monkey think .I'm -afeard-^ni eat 'the plaguey stuff if it.freezesmy inards. I tell ;yer whaty I'd' rather skinri'd a bear or whipp'd a j wild cat, but I went at ib. I eat the whole m about a minit. . ... , Wa)) ? m about, a, quarter of an hour I began W feel' kinder jgripy about here,'..continued Ethan, pointing to the lower part of his stomachy 7'ari'/k r 3pt:6n feelin* - rib? better very fast, till at last it seemed as though j Td got a steivta ingen sawin' shingles j m mp. | sot down pn a pheer, and J ... bent .myself ,. up. Uke a nutrcracker, . • thinkin' I'd grin an' :laearj.t ; but I'j - : couldn't set 'still— l twisted and I ; squirmed like, .an angle Woririon a hook, till at, last the' chap as gin me j the cream, who had been lookin' on sriiokerin', sa.ys he to me : ■ ■'■ \ "Mister,* says he, * what ails yer V * Ails tne : 1' saya I, ' that 'ere stuff V yoiiPn isireezin- up my daylights,' . says I. > : ■i;-- - x " ■ * You eat too much,' says he. ■ » 'I tell yer I didn't,' screamed I , 7 I know . what's a -nuf . and, yyhat^s too muoh without, askiu'; you, an' if you don't leave off snickerin' I'll spile your fade.' : - 1 He cottoned right down, an' said he didn't mean any hurt, an' asked rme if , I hadnU better take some gin. , j .told him I would. , So I took a purty good horn, and left the shop. ' Arter I got out,' continued Btljan^ .Vlfeltl hotter fpr a minit or so, but I hadn't gone fur afove the gripes took me again j bo I went v , into .. another^ , jbpp, #n' r took some ... more girt J. then j sot , down qu the Sta.t_e Ilouse |teps, h an,' there I sot ■'.... $tn', sot,, but, didn't feel a mite better. i< I begun tothink I' was goin' to kick '■5 7 ;-'itM'A 'c '/■■•!. i--Oi.f

:the?bucke'tr und" then I thought 61 father an' mother an' of old Spanker —that's father's hoss— and when I thojight that I should never see 'em again, .1 fairly blubbered. But then I happened to look up, ah' sco a dozen boys grinnin, an' larfin nt me. I (ell yer what, it riz my dan-deiv-that had got down below nero --•rite iip again. I sprung at 'era like a wild cat, hollerin' out I'd shake thar tarnal gizzards out, an' the way the little devils scampered was a caution to nobody. But arte the. 'citement of the race was over, I felt wus agin, and I couldn't help* groanin' an' screechin' as I went along.

* At last I thought I'd go to the theatre, but afore I got there, the gripes got so strong, that I had to go behind a meetin' house an' lay down an' holler. .. Artec a. while I got up an' went into a shop an' eat half a dollar's wuth of biled isters witb four « pickled cowcunibors, and ■•'wound up witli a glass of brandy. Then I went into the theatre an' seed the plays, but I felt so, that I couldn't see any fun m; 'em; for I don't think the isters and the cowcurabers done me any good. I sot down, lay down, and stood up, but still ib went oh, gripe,, gripe. I groaned all the time, an', once m a whilo T was obliged to screech kinder easy. Everybody stared at me; and somebody called ont, 'turn him out!' once Or tyv ice. But, at last, j rist as the, ( nigger ; Orthello was going- to pub. the piller on. his wife's face to smother her, there cum such a twinge through me, that I really thought I '. yusburstih' tip, an' I , yelled ent — ' 'Oh, 'dear! Oh, scissors !' so loud that the old theatre rung again. Such a row you never seed ; the nigger dropped the piller, and Deuteronomy — or what you call "her there — his wife, jumped off the bed and run, Twhile.r everybody, m • the theatre was all up m a muss, some larfin', some .swearin-. -..,• The upshot of it was, the perlice carried me.out of the theatre, and told rae. to make, myself scarce. •■ 7 Wall, as I did not' feel any better, ■1 7 went into a shop close by, an' called for two "glasses' of brandy ; arter j swallerin' it. I wentlhum to tho tavern. T sot down by the winder, W tried; to think I fel,t better, but 'twas no go ; that blessed old : ,ihgen was still wallerin' away inside; so I went out and eat a quarter's worth of isters an' a piece of mince pie.i ; ;Then I went baok told the tavern-keeper I felt kinder sick, an' thought I'd take some Castor iie, a < mouthful of cold moabj aud a strong glass of whisky punch, andUthen go to bed. He got the fixens, which I took an' went to bed. But tell yer what, I had a rather ;pbor7night. Sometimes I was awake groanin', . an' when I was I'd better bin" awake for, I had such powerful dreams. Sometimes I thought I was skihnin' a bear, an' then by some hocuspocus 'twould all change t'other side to, and the tarnal critter would be a skinnin' me. Then,' again, I'd dream that I was rollih'.lOgs with the boys, an' just as I'd be' a shoutih' out .-- , now then ! here she goes !' everything would get reversed again—Twas a log", an' the boys were pry in' rae up with, their J^alspikes. Then I'd wake up any^i'eech and roar — then off bo sj^p agiii^ — to dream . that Spanker had : run ,'away' with, jne^ or that father was whopping me, or some other plaguey thing till, mornin' When I "got up, Thla-dn't any appetite'fot. breakfast, 7and the tavernkeeper told me that if I was goin' to carry on,? screamin' and groanin' as T had the night afore, my room was better than' my company. 'T hain't,' said Mr Spike, m conclusion, ' I hain't bin to Portland since, but if I live to be as old as Methusalem, I shall never forget that all-fired ice-cream.'