FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 743, 22 March 1877, Page 2

FEATHERS AND CHAFF.

(FROM AN AUCKLAND CORRBSPOHDBNT.) March 15. A SWEET THING IN SEALS. The current topic of town talk just now is, the Eden County Council Seal. Go where you will, it is all the same. Even the gamins have caught up the cry, and greet you in. the "street with the question, " Have yer seen the seal, Mister 1" Yet, and in truth, it is the sweetest thing in seals ever seen. The artist, who is. a wood-turner, contends that it is " a thing of beauty, and a joy for "everi" It is a medallion, with a yOung woman, representing Eve, in that act of criminal curiosity in respect to the " forbidden fruit," which has been so very prolific a source of naughtiness ever since. Of course, it was before the days of fig leaves, but, even then, Eve was not wholly without a becoming sense 'of modesty, for she has planted herself in a flax-bush, in order that the old serpent, twined iround a punga tree, opposite, may not be shocked by any impropriety ''on her part. Nevertheless, the wily creature appears to be considerably interested in the young woman's proceedings, and there is that about his bloated head and shockingly dissipated left eye, that indicates something of the roue. Overhead, there is a fine canopy of apples, and suspended in mid-air, a plough, while, away beneath are several sheep, in a ruminative attitude. Eve is in the act of reaching up to grab the* forbidden fruit. The designer of the seal has been much inquired for, especially by that enterprising jeweller, K. H. Lewisson, who wants to exhibit the likeness in his window. A GENEROUS OFFEtt. ■ Of course, the E.len County Council has achieved much popularity.: In fact, the public crowd at its meetings as if they were enter'tiinments got up for their amusement. . Or Udy has suggested the idea of: making a small chargj?.for admission, as a means of supplementing the County funds. At a recent meeting of the Council, the following little scene occurred: " Or Kisslihg thought that if the public continued to attend in such numbers, it would be necessary to meet in some large hall. Cr Rev Dr Wallis : —" Oh, come up to my church. I will provide seats, and you can make enough gas yourselves." Ov Kissling: " And, of course, the Chairman would occupy the pulpit."

A YARN FOR AUCTIONEERS. When goods " move off freely,'* business men usually take it kindly. It is somewhat surprising, therefore, to see John Knox objecting, because his go off too fast. I heard a little story the other day which will shewhow goods move off here. The goods of a certain citizen (who shall be nameless) were seized, and carted to an auction room. The rowner went to the auctioneer, with looks of sorrow, and begged to have jiißt one. little article sold to him privately. It was a family heirloom, he said, that had come down to him from his illustrious ancestors; it was only, a little writing desk, and he'would take it at the upset price. The auctioneer, a bard man of business, clapped on a price which, represented about four times the value of the article, but the poor bankrupt, with tears of joy, paid oyer the coin (which he had borrowed from a friend) and went on his way rejoicing. The fact is, there was a very nicely concealed drawer in that desk, and it contained an equally nice sum of £SO in notes, which the poor man had not had time to abstract when the ruthless bum bailiff came down, like a wolf on the fold, and swept off his Lares and Penates.

TO ORCHARD ROBBERS. For a genuine sarcasm, commend us lo the heathen Chinee. There is one of the children of the Flowery Land down South, who rejoices in the name of Paul Ah Chin, not Sing—who is the owner of a fine orchard, and one dark night some vandals made a raid on Paul's preserves, leaving only one apple as a solitary memento of the visit. Now be it known unto all men *by these presents that Ah Chin is a missionary, who has come all the way from China to bring opium and the glad tidings of Confucious to his countrymen. A man who will rob a church is generally regarded as having reached the very abyss of thiefdom ; but what shall be said of one who can fall so low as to strip a missionary's orchard ! Ah Chin's conduct under the circumstances was characteristic. He advertised that he admired the generosity of the man who had left that one apple, and that the robber could have it on applying personally. A VERITABLE NEW CHUM. There is a story which I think I once told somewhere before, but a good story will bear repitition without having the tediousness of some twice-told tales. Iu one of the Auckland swell boarding - houses, where the landlady gives herself out as a great granddaughter of a scion of nobility, and where the young ladies of the house take trays at all the fashionable tea-fights, there was a bachelor boarder who wore spectacles, and was suspected of a slight tendency to be over-finical. I use the prefix because all swell boarders are more or less given to be finical. "Well, at the teatable one evening the bachelor was observed to be engaged in a minute analysis of the butter, and the lady at the head of the table grew somewhat fidgety. " Is there anything wrong with the butter, Mr———," she asked in her usual bland tone. "No ma'am, nothing very particular," remarked the boarder in spectacles, drawing out slowly a bair of unmistakably feminine length, from the butter. The landlady was blind to the discovery, but she asked, in slightly petulant tones, "Will you please to say what' particular kind of butter you would like, Mr - ■ 1" " Well, ma'am," replied the gentleman in spectacles, in an apologetic vofoe, "if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I think I should prefer a little'bald'-headedbutter." ANACHRONISMS. This is the year of wonders. Palm Sunday is to fall on Monday, April 9th, Good Friday on Saturday April 14, and Easter Sunday on Monday, April 16th. Don't look for it in the table of movable feastsy but in the 'Herald' almanac, where the astonishing fact is duly recorded. I have puzzled over it a great deal, and can only attribnte the phe nomenon to the coming transit of he new intra-Mercurial planet Vulcan. Waikato parsons ought to rejoice that on two Sundays on which they are expected to preach an extra brilliant sermon, they will be able to take a holiday.

A GHALANGE TO MILKMEN. If you lived here in the city of smells, you would shortly discover a remarkable peculiarity about all the cows. Owing to some hidden cause they refuse to yield pure milk, but somehow contrive to produce a diluted article, which passes by the name of " skye blue." I asked my milkman the cause of this mystery, and he explained that owing to the low price of the lacteal fluid the cows had unanimously reßolved that it was not worth while yielding the genuine article. He said this without moving a muscle. I asked him if he didn't think there was some mistake about it. bnt he offered to bet me .£lO (and find a friend to hold the stakes) that he could produce the very cows that moved and seconded the resolution. I tremble to think of-.effect of the new Water Works. It would be quite a luxury if we could get some of the genuine cream-Covered milk that your rich pastures produce. Perhaps the railway will right all these things. ANOTHER BEERY STORY I told you last week how that enlightened Sovereign Emperor Kaiser William preserves his subjects from the evils of short measure in respect to their lager beer. lam one of those who have in my time been wickedly defrauded out of whole breweries of beer by pint pots that were bulged in, and I say that the man who tries to rob a poor cove of his beer ought to be treated like the premissife clauses of the Counties Act, viz., "hung up. x There was a curious case lately J heard in one of the Southern courts. A man stood charged with obtaining goods by false pretences to the amount of £25. He had given cheques upon banks which knew him not to the tune of i>2s. in payment for beer. He was a man who scorned the so-called pint pot. Long and bitter experience had taught him the hollowhess. of all such worldly things. He went in for beer by the bucket. "He called for beer by the bucket," deposed the landlord's wife in the witness-box, ,f and by the bucket we served him." He was committed for trial by an unsympathetic beak.