TOWN TALK.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 727, 13 February 1877, Page 2

TOWN TALK.

• TUB YANKEE MOON. Yov know what an enthusiast : P^^k is about everything that pertaina in the remotest degree 'to America. >If \you 'heard him hold rforth for ten minutes oa the glories of the great continent, you would begin to imagine that all the rest of the world wts mere superfluous land and water, which might be veny well dispense i with, were it not occasionally required as a touring ground for bilious New Yinkera, though Perk says ithey don't make a long stay in E irope, because it's too crowded. The other nipht IPerk and a boarder were studying the ip'lan<<t<, and particularly Cyuthia. Hisifiii<ni quoted som-thiig from Byron about

the JViooh, and asked him if he. didn't ou*i ler it a very beautiful moon iudoed. Our I r lend surveyed it cilmly for a few momentf, and (then remarked that he considered it a very decent Moon, so fai as Btitishers Moons go, bufcifcoonldnt bolu a oaudl« to the IVToon they have ia America. Compared with the Sfankea Moon, the Britiaberj orb would be like a tallow candle alongside a magnesium lamp. The friend ventured to remark ia a mild tone that the Americans were obliged to use the same moon aa all the rest of the world. Perk said he wo ild bet him ten dollars he was wrong, clean wrong, and conldnM; figure up astronomy any more'u a dead buck, nigger, tfhe man began to explain the rtheory of ithe Moon's orbit, illustrating his observations by pafljiuef a pine pot round the water bottle. Perk looked on until the pint pot had passed through all its phases, wh^n he said, " Well, 1 reckon old man, you inusfe calculate l\ve never been to school. Why 1 figured that all up when I was a little boj, about so high (placing his hand palm do >vriwardß, ; within six inches ot' the counter to^) I 'reckon I'm jjust about as cute in inoonology as you pear .to be, but you moat be mighty ighoraut if you doo't know tbat in Tankee land we see the other side of the 'moon, and, if you'd bteii there, you'd oe forced to own up tbat this side aint a circumstance to the other Bide i.r shine. 1' ou gust go to Yankee land, and see for yourself, and if -you ever value this side of '.he moon worth a cent afterwards,' my name's not E. f. ' (Jome in, old sou, aud, I'll give you another shew for liquors all round." .

L • MUSIC HATH CHARMS. " Hard-b.y where I lire, there ie a young man' who wakes the. still night air with, rude echoes .from a .great trombona, Atearly morn, with unfailing regularicyj^ v he plays au accompaniment to the crow- r ing of the cooks. .Now, the trombone ml*. a very interesting and imposing thing to - : ' lojk at, but, as a musical instrument, is more remarkable for sound than melody. Its beauties can only be iu .y appreciated by a Maori, a Chinaman, or a small b>y. It sounds best, when accompanied by a gong and saw .sharpener. .Play ed alone, it wastes its sweetness on the desert air. My iitighbour has mastered the rudiments, a .id he is now deep in the stuly of do üblcß flat, aadanoctave'Sr.'two below Zero YVuen the instrument is not exactly in tuue, and won' c play the basso ; profuudo nocts, the young man lets-hinv ' 'a At uovvn the deepest well in the -city, andjjlays a solo two octives ■■below the. ilee^csc C, and -that uever fails to pat the '" thing all tight. I -was curious to learu'y " what.it was that rendered my neighbour "^ bo astjuluoud. I discovered chat he had fallen in love with a "young pusson" who id jjaajji.iiiitely .fond of .the divine uart. Tiit) young man pail his addresses to her wnft aome prospects of success, unoil, ou au unlucky day, another young spirit who performs in the Hobicm band, up»n a tromboneof gi s antic sizj, crossed tns,p.uh. The tiaucee was charmed wibu chat trom one. She declared, iu. gushing tones, that.it was the nose delightfullestr ching as she had ever seed, and that the music was the beaucifullest as bhe hid ever h)erd. Next Sunday she was not at the tr.yating place, and when her swatu went in quest ot her, he was struck with grief auij salousy ou beholding her walking .iu the Domain in sweet cm verse wich hid hate 1 rival, the tromopue m .n. He sought ai explanation that evemug. She told him that h^r love had ne'er grown . cold, that she still treasured his biinage (lie squmts in one eye, and haa .rad bait)) in the louket he gave her last birthday, but if he desired to prove himself worthy of her enduring affdctiuns, if he wished tj win her trustiug heart, and to c Jin-, pletely extingu.s'i fcae other feller, he must learn thac beau -4f ul train boue. The yo ing mau .is hard at work, but I observe that he has b.own himself away to a mere shadow of hij .former self, aud ia .f ist succauubiug to a galloping consumptim.

ffUB WAG-E3 OP SIN.

I hear.l a good srory the other diy which goes to suewia a very remarkable muuuur- thi way iu which the reUfciom of society are intricately interwoven and di'jjaiidiinb on each oiher. There is a certain ui>U,3e iu one of tue niiin is rjets of Auckland whic'i was, uuiil lately, inhabited by two single young ladies, whose ccuwpabi /n, as indicated by a card in the window, was that of "milliners and dressniikers." They appear, to have louii'd that bu,ine.-s exceedingly slack, for during a period of several m>nt ha the neighbours, who, for reasons tvuioh. i!; is. ufifc nece^s ,ry t j mention -h.jci.v were con* sideraoly interests I in tua two youug ladies, never knew a female customer lo o ill at. the home, - Perhaps it waa this f.tct thu cj,UoeJ the two youn^ ladies to depart one evening ba^ und baggn^e to some more congenial sphere. At all events the house wa3 ' "To Ljt" and a gentleman who Lus followed the example of your old Mend Mr Langbri Jge. by retiring froui the cares and" toils of j >urualism, and joining theranka of: the Licensed Victuallers went to. inquire thereat of said '* desirable, family u welling. The agent, who is a Run ot iri'eproacb.ableiresi^e.ctability 4 a church-warden, and of course, a 1 bright a-id shining lijht, informed the retired jjurna.i9t.th it the re.it was £1 per week. The new Boniface exoresaed much, astonishment that so large a rent shouitL.be' demanded for a house which, at the inßsfc, could not be worth more than 10a week, whereupon the agent replied that the Just ten mti had paid 255. This was tpj much to the exjoumilist. He re-toi-ted da langua e more -forcible than police, that the fanner tenants were certainly nob of a charac er to render iha house a •" detirable family dwelling," and went liis way. His astonishment was increased afterwards when lie learned that the haise in question was the property ol a certain religious body for whom the agent acted.

empty pews, "^SWI I noticed a paragraph in .your columns in which wat discussed the important question of " The cause of empy pews." ISo far as 1 could judge the investigation, of this grand social problem was practically loft in a verv unsatisfactory oondi* tion. I think -I ■ could supply 'a wrinkle" or two on that subject. In my own case,, Lean safely affirm that I very often prefer to follow rhe Scriptural injunction to the letter by making the Sabbath a day of rest. -I h a we also observed that some of my neighbours miss the church every Sun day morning, because (hey do not. get up in time, and I know that some of them stay out late on Saturday nights and invariably Buffer all day on Sunday from headache. A few -stay awa' from church because thej are afraid of the draught, and one or two mean fellows because they don't like the collections. This emptiness of pews^vas a grave .source df perplexity to the deaconß of *the aristocratic church of South vSTarra, neir Melbourne. Tho pro3peot of hiving to make up deficiencies in the parson's screw arcong it lemselves was nowis*. pleasant. I he ueacons, however, were men of many resources. fChey got the parson to work on the exchange of pulpi . system, 'had the interior of the ohuroh done up, in gorgeous style, iplaced stuffed cushions and footstools in tbepe.ws,.and floft lean-backs so as lo render the slumbers of the congregation eomfortable, ana (they piled ih on the fthoir. and got several of the finest looking young lady singists of the place lo stand up in the front row. For a time all went merry as a church bell, but ped-

xp1 * tired of this and sighed for more Novell ies. At length tho deacons were nnapi ed with a happy thought. They (jot aMi P<mrce who was vrj intimate with Governor Bowren to induee his Excellency tb attend the chinch. Singularly ero-ign this did not fakili sthe people. Pe plr in the colonize are riot so easi y **' ha i." When the Queen (joes to oliu ch at Bremar, all the snobs of the country, hordes of butter-chanilers, greengrocer*, and lawyers olirks on a , tour, pi ur inib the builoing and occupy their li't.e during the service by critically examining Her"M>jeaty with oprra gliiß&eP. On this -61 e of the globe there ia a democratic iudiffetence to governors. The deacons at. South Yarra discovered , this to their • cost. Th y were forded to -confess .1 1 tti« end, in tbe language of the stage " there's no mjiiey »he Governor's utlendance,; • don't draw;an extra shilling:" ; AfHTDJJOTTS STOhJ?. Bifore teJHng the following .story I : should like to prepare the mind .of the dainty reader for what is' to foUovv. In the first placo, the story. is a liideouS'Oiieand il you, Jmy dear, reader, are parti- < culiurly Bquamist),«youVhad'.bettt)r t paßS on lo the ntjtt heading. If jeu hai<pen ;to be a woman, I ' koow< my advace will .be thrown away. .Well, .1 do uot tell^tUs .-. S'ory because I am fond»of hideous thipgs, for. in ■ truth-I am not, in order to shew you how.a toltrably long familiarity with repuisiveiscenes teuds .to^blunt^ the-.moral sei sibiliiies, and to u render a man a etranger to thai disgust which will pro* i bubly be excited in jour-'mind by what I am going .to relate. .The man, whose , name, foe obvious reasons, had better not i*be inentin«d r wentto an Auckland tailor and order€d-.a« pair of black .unuientioni ables to bdvmade by^a certuinda-y. -When l tbejappointud time ciiuoe he called for the . (above mentioned .httbiliments. „He fwaa ntuW that it hey were not ready. He asked *my ? The tailor took, him into his conj&vpce. Be eaid, " well, the - fact ii— « thrfife is no«. use mincing the matter— twas > not quite .sure . of- the money." " The mtney" said. the. customer,, in a» tone oi - conlcaipt, (< you need . not be afraid of .that. , wWhy, I've got the job «^f executing -—^— and L want «to oppeur decent. "II you wou.'t fliva meitick," I'll give jou an border oii. the sheriff.": I have not henrd » whttheroraot the tailor kicked- h.m out. >l© cleservesvtoi be kicked himßttlf if -he uot. -. , . .