WANTED A WIFE.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 726, 10 February 1877, Page 1 (Supplement)

WANTED A WIFE.

A man entered the • Chicago Tribune' office and left the following advertisement :—'Personal.—The advertiser desires to make the acquaintance o? a lady of rofinement, five feet four and a half inches high, and Aveighing about 1361ba ; bust measure, thirty-nine inches ; waist measure, twenty-eight and three-quarter inches ; siza of boot, three and a quarter; ditto, of glove, five and seven eights ; complexion pronounced brunette ; deep bazoleyes' ; witn a view to matrimony. Address W., 170S, Tribune office.' ' Seems to me you are mighty particular about the siza and kind of a wife you want,' observed the advertising clerk. ' Well, perhaps I am; but you see my wife died boforo we had been married long, and she hadn't begun to half wear out her clothes', and her father gave her an awful sight, of 'em, so it seems to me kinder like flying m the face of Providence when silks and things are so dear and the country ia labouring m the throes of a financial convulsion to take another mate, and let the motiha break through and rust and corrupt all them duda. So I juit want a wife to match those things.'

This is how 81. Licrct.lle rece'vod. on a recent occasion, his aeverolnj uric. Tho member f torn the .aoue-e"- Loire w*s passing along a street whore a ruined boas, was m ptoo.s. of demolition, a workman w_s stationed ou tue sidewak to warn passeis oftuedcng.r. "To the Right! To toe Right i" heeded "Nevor| - ' .aid. at La reteija, proudly *' I belong to tha Jjeft," and, going resolutely, on his way, a piece of iho cornice struck him on Ui e Head. The Minister of the Interior hurries br.atblesu to the office of the keeper of one of the Utile prisons " flow is this ?'' heo;ie3j "I placed au important prisoner m your keeping lsst week, and now he i 8 over the fronfctor m Belgium and making game of us Read what ho says iv this paper." The keeper calmly poruses the journal aud returns it with the remark • "He lies ! He aid not escape ! I pat him out !" " You-put-hlm-ont?" "I did I summoned him to my otlice. He tmted me with disrespect I told him that uilessh) could behave himself I would put him out. xie continued hs disorderly conduct and I just kieksd him into the aste.t. Tha-.'a how it was. ; ' v - < We met a little girl crj-injr ass though heart would.. «■«*;♦ T^*'? » tUe "W'' 8133y '" wo askec s •' Brother Dlclf stole my diil and gaye it to'Lizzief King, 7 she said ; "and she don't ne.d any doll 'c*use Brother flick and her~are going to get married' and run away snd start s'-Circus." She toddled ou with the big tears running down her cheeks, while she munched a seotion of gingerbread that seemed to have 110 effeat whatever m o-.lkiug up her sorrows. Jones is not bravo, aud is capable of enduring any huniliations b fjre defending himself, BU valet woo koows him well, and loves him well was yesterday inspecting Jones wardrobe, Ho found a paicf panUloons damaged as to the seat by char actertstic tears. " AJ_a !" laid the excellent cervant" with asigh, " how can my master so far forgot him' self as to enter i u to argument wita people with hobnai!ed shoea " «-«»■■ That was a smart Jltqo girl, who, m answer to the catechism's question, what is the outward, visible sign or form m baptism ?" replied : " The b.iby. ■' — ■ ... *y"hen tho bishap was visiting at his mother's house' little Johnny .idled up to- him just after breakfast. -Jisrnp," said ho. " wou.<d you like to look at mv pig. gie boo.?" " Why, yes," repiitd the diguitary, anxious to plesso the little fellow. "Well," whispered the Chdd, "I'll show it to you, but you'll have to look at it on the sly, 'cause It's Sunday."