A LEGEND OF OLD HAMILTON.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 595, 14 March 1876, Page 2

A LEGEND OF OLD HAMILTON.

Wine i-3 a mooker, strong drink ig raging, And whosoeret 1 is doceiyed tbereb-y it not vrite. Sir, — Itcarae topassinthedays when NorradnbiustheGroatruled over New Zealandia, that Spaciou3 was the chief of a curiong people called "lOG T," whose principles aud ideas were strange and peculiar, and who were averse to the use of " tiro water," " strike me blind," " blue ruiu," and other pleasant liquors, and who called one another brother and sister, and dwell in anity And they waxed exceedingly strong 1 in the land, and multitudes of the inhabitants joined themselves unto them, and in the *' wigwams" wherein the various " hapu.s" assembled, took a pledge administered by tha " Worthy Boss" of the " wigwam," that while living they would abstain from using as a beverage all those pleasant liquors, »ed that after death they would not resume -their 'use as a beverage or otherwise. Acd it'Cßtre to pase that numbers of those v^ho (joiusd themselves unto the 10 GT were " old soaks" and " bummers" aad extremely "hard cases" and ''jolly dogs" >who lov9d the ** fire water" and -ether pleasant liquors, and their faces were«rubicund and - many *had noses like unto the •■" boiled beet" and wore curious jewels called " earibuncles." And they, as in the noble game •df poker-,saw the toad's >blttff tmd raised him and took the pile for -whereas the toad had but one jewel in his head these old soaks had many ; and they "were also a people who loved flawers and never appeared without grog blossoms, and the breath of these bummers w«b full flavoured and mellow. And the a sent ef the fire water was wafted abroad its was al3o th« musk of blue ruin, and when one was to leeward of a "jully dog" he generally was aware of it, and in the mornings they had " pick me-ups," and in the heat of the day they had " pegs," and in the evening* they had " spikes" and in their hearts was melody and they- pranced and cavorted as they walked, and they were <-very pot valliant, and wonld smite their enemies and utterly discomfit them, and ■ then compel them to " liquor up." And they spoke in a strange tongue, arid said 'kie and turi ruri, and kie again, and thenfeet would get entangled the one with the other and at times they preferred the gutters aud fresh air of heaven to their close rooms. But an unsocial race called constabs would not allow them to slumber fhus, but -would arouse them and convey them unto the " jvig," and >ou the morrow would array them before one in authority called > the " Beak." a surprising surly tyrant who would fine them fifty denarii, or thereabouts, together with costs, which, displeased them greatly, and they said " the ! jisjf is up" let us join ourselvats unto the I O G T and eschew blue rum and escape fines;- and fiiey did so. And in* ihe -lapse of time their faces became -as the facos of other men and they put their jewels «aud o-arbuncles from off diem and wore no more grog-blossoms upon their persons, but wot'ked etich man at his <own trade an 1 were steady and not > jolly drunks, and the lOG T continued to wax strong and becutue a power in the land and ran their own people into the Town and School Boards and utterly excluded the sect called "0 am Tarts," with wuoni they were at enmity. And they built " wigwams" wherein they met and worshiped and sent missionaries into far districts and ntade many converts to their belief. Hut a certain man amongst them, >a cunning worker in the hard heart ofritmx and kaikakatea and -other shrubs, • and -a great orator in the I OG '£ <!id himself vqry terribly, and the hearts «<if the brethren were sorrowful arad 'tbey said : Our brother is needy -'an'd • cannot work, let us take round the "''hat" and they did so. And they "anted up" according to Iheir "means the ■ old men and the maidens and the young men and* the women aifcl the "' kinats " and the head men f.nd the « orators, as each one was -able, ' even so anted he up ; they raised a " pile " and appointed a committee of Mipriglit men amongst the brethren to lay it out, and this pleased the whole crowd. "But ' lo' i when the ' brother who had been wounded so nigh unto death, and for whom "dibs" had been raised was permitted to agaiu walk forth, he fiequented the bazaars wherein the " blue ruin * and other pleasant but forbidden liquors were dispensed, and drank of them and "" shouted for all hands," and gob drunken withal, and he "lay around loose" whenever it seemed meet unto him, but he stndied not the good of the 1.0. G.T., but heaped discredit upon them, so that the " u scoffers' " said — " Verily -if this be one of the 1.0. G.T. then are their teachings vain, for 10, we, -when, we " bust " out, draw it ' mildly,' but these people go a • mucker ' and ' cut up," 1 so that verily we might -as well -attempt to stay the tornado, or bind the earthquake, as get these 1.0. G.T. off the ' bu&t/ " and they ridiculed their teachings, pointing ab them with the finger of scorn, thrusting their tongues into their cheeks, and winkI ing with their eyes. But the hearts of the 1.0. G.T. were sorrowful, and they said. " Ouv brother is weak, and the strong wsitera which the ' Medico ' hath ordered him to take have prevailed against him and -overcome him, and 10, he is 1 squiffy.' " And many of the head men west wnto him and reasoned with him, saying, " Why doth our brother haunt the bazaars wherein the abomination of his people is dispensed V Arise and get thee hence unto thine own tent, and to thy wife and thy little ones." But he would not harkeu unto their words, but reviled them, and dospitefully used them, and ho called his own brethren, who had raised " rocks " for him in his affliction, impertinent cusses, and intimated 1/liat he loved not thoir discipline, and would witlidiaw hiuibelf from thorn for ever, and hr

oonsigned them to a country whereof the climate is disagreeably waim, aud ( they left him to his "corpse revivers and the approbation of his conscience. And when not many days had passed, the I O G.T. met in solemn conclave in V\ lgwam assembled, and the head men and the orators, and those who had seen the straying sheep, palavered greatly upon this "hard case, and some said "Let him be cut off from us for ever, for lie hath brought -disgrace upon us, and hath done an evil office unto the 1.0.G.1. in that he preferreth the t> Domination of the elect to his own brethren, therefore let us cast him off for ever." Lut divers otheis said' * l Though our brother hatb sinned grierrously against us, yet is he afflicte d in body and weak : let us not, therefore j. cut him off entirely, lest he perish ; le us suspend him for a space and give him time for reflection, per.ulventure he will repent him of his evil, -and return unto the fold, and we will then give unto him the wherewithal which we have raised for him ; and-this counsel prevailed, for it pleased the crowd, and it was so. And it • came to pass that when the period of probation had nearly expired, that the erring brother did straightway straighten himself up, and he repented him of the evil and resisted the I O.G.T. devil, and he did eschew the use as a beverage of "strike me blind," and other forbidden liquors • perchance -upon the sly). And he confessed his sin in the wigwam, and asked them to admit him again into the • eleot, and they did so, and there was joy - in the 1.0. G.T. wigwam over the sinner tisat repented, and they chorred witn a Eighty cheer, clapping with their hands and stamping with their feet, until called to order by the "Worthy Boss," and > they shook him -by the hand ac was their < custom, ' and they fell (metaphorically) upon his neck and kissed him, albeit he was' hirsute and not of a comely countenance, but their 1.0. G.T. heaits were glad, for the Prodigal had returned and < the 'brand was snatched from the burning, and should not they kill the fatted calf, and meet his liquor bill ? • But, alas! befoie many- days, he again ' imbibed the potent waters, aod proceeded on the bust, and diluted corn juice and square face were familiar unto his lips, and as a- dog returntth to Jus vomit so ■ returned- he to. his folly, and the potent liquors prevailed- against him, and he lay around loose and took repose in unusual and, peculiar localities, and lie cut up ' lough generally. And tidings of these his idiosyncrasies <• doming- to the ears of the lOG- T they waxed wrathy and were riled against him, and in the wigwam there was great to do < concerning him, and they all allowed that it was rough on the elect. And a sound was ; heard in the wigwam like unto the rush- . ing of mighty waters or the rumbling of the distant storm, and then for a space • there was a hush upon them so great and deep that one might have heard an > elephant drop or feel his hair grow. Then • there arose a great orator and a mighty captain amongst the 1.0. G.T. and he spoke unto them, saying, " Wine is a mocker, strong drink is racing, and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise." Wherefore my brethren - should we give . the spondulix unto this man that he may spout for all hands, and get drunken also. Are not our principals and teaching some- ' what opposed to treating the whole crowd % Lo is not this the second time he hath done us in the eye ? thereby ensnaring us. • Shall we part unto him our mopusses when he playeth with the ace and king in ; his hand, and the right and left bowers 1 up his sleeve ? Are we Chinamen' to be ' " played " thus t This is my word to you 'I have said. 'And presently a great shout arose, and the headmen and the orators, and the old men and the maidens, and the young men and the -women, and the kinats and the dungarees, and the gunnybags who had subscribed unto the fund •, cried out, "return unto us the sugar which we -parted," and the Treasurer of the fund did so, and they received again •some a half-quid, some a dollar, and some a roberto, according as they had given so •received they it again, and they felt good for the chin-k-was again in their fobs, and of the sum raised, there was given unto the wicked brother nary a red. And they were glad for had he not " taken it up," *' gone alone," and got " euchred." But the erring brother was sorrowful «nd not glad for the wherewithal for buying the strong and seductive waters, and for plajing at divers enticing games was withheld and not anted up, and his countenance was as the sun looming through the fog exceeding angry, and his brow wag clouded, and he did that which was not pleasing unto the 1.0. G.T. and caused great discussion in the wigwam. And there being in the land a powerful 'organ called " Ye Buster," whose mission was to disseminate ideas amongst the people and acquaint them 'with 'matters interesting unto them, and which they would not otherwise hear. He straightway went unto the " Sachem " who " ran 'the engine," a mighty man arid a terror unto evil doers, and made known that which seemed to him most advisable in order to excite the people against the 1.0. G.T. and benefit himself. But he neglected (through forgetfulness no doubt) to mention his backslitherings and his -■violations of the pledge which he had taken from the "Worthy Boss" of his ' wigwam, more than once, and other minor matters which perchance he deemed of no account. And it so happened that the Sachem was short of matter interest■ing to the people, and his "'lmps " were clamouring for " copy," and he inserted that which was made known unto him, «nd tho people thought it was true, for was it not in , print 1 and • they wondered that the 1.0. G.T. who lived in unity and tfrrotberly l love should do such things which were not the clean potato, and they <von--dered with an exceeding great and mighty wonder and said, " Just as we thought, them 1.0. G.T. chaps ain't much pumpkins ■they ain't," and words to that effect, and their bowels of compassion were opened for the " wily " brother, albeit they stuck at that, and anted not up for him, which showed their heads to be level, and screwed on upon coirect principles,^ and

his also is true, or will be, when put in printed characters, ami if there be a lack of "matter interesting" it will be inserted, bo that all the people the " Hearts of Riniu," the " Jam Tarts," the " Cockatoos," the " Dungarees," the " Gunnybags," the " Kinats," and tke strangers in the land may learn that the curious sect called 1.0. G.T. are a ujodeiataly rational and a reasonably just people and that they do not give with the one hand and then kinder stretch out with the other to recover ihe plunder from motives of meanness or caprice. — Yours &c, Fi-LL the Dipper.