Varieties.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 573, 22 January 1876, Page 2 (Supplement)

Varieties.

Tho firsb person who ever went round the world — The mm in the moon. Why don't Sweden bare to send abroad for cattle? Because sho keeps her Stockholm. Nearly 100,000 people have been killed by violence the past year, and yet women will atand on the back of a ohair to reach the top i half of the pantry. In defiance of imperial ' ukase*,' Russian ladiesj still venture to prosecute their studies publicly at Zurich, six having entered their names as students of medioine, and four to attend different classes in the faculty of philos<>phy. Probably one of the most thrilling spectacles in life— one that sends through the observer the gr#*test variety of emotions in a moment- is that of a girl darting her lips under her lover's moustache to capture a cherry Keld between his lips. 1 OThello is the way that a compositor of Irish descent, 'prints' the name of tho Moor of Venice. When a physician deierts his profession for tho pulpit, the inference is that he can preach better than he oan practice. A crusty old bachelor explains that the reason a woman puts her finger in her month, when she thinks, is because she cannot talk and think at the same time. All flies are very wise. No one over knows, as he sits in a doze, bow muoh a fly knows that alights on his nose, till he levels tho blows, when away the fly goes. Harmless Amusement. — Mr Mucklestono (after missing bis bird for the twentieth time) : ' I say, Gaskins, Ido believe the birds are frightened at me !' Old Keeper (bl mdJy) : • They dldu'fc ought to be sir 1* A young lady asking a young man in a music store, 'Have you 'Happy Dreams? was astonished when he replied, ' No, ma'am, I'm mostly troubled with the nightmare.' Old party (who stammers, comes in for some ipeoacaana)-' Ob, if yea p-pl^ase, young m-roan, I w-want some ip^ip-ip-ip — , Festive awiftant- (ired by recent reminuoenee) -'Hurrah!'— Fun. A jolly Davenport doctor called on a lady on his wsy home from a dinner party, so dated that he could not oount her pulse beats. Conscious of the o«use of his difficulties, he, in a moment of irritation, blurted oat, ' Tipsy, by Jove !' and rnshed out of the house. The next day the laHy sent for him and said that she lamented th>t be had discovered her condition, and beuged ho would keep it a secret. « And have yon no other Kons !' asked ft onrious lady of a bronzed old sen captain. ' Oh, yn, madam. T had one that lived In •he South Saa Islands for nearly a &< z-n ye-irn !' * Really ; wan he bred there, and ' what was his tuste - the s*a or land ?' ' No # maUiw, he wasn't bread, he w«s meat - l»*st«rays the niege'S ate hiro and as for his taiU, th« chief said he tasted of terbacoer.' rh« lvty waked to amth«rpa^ of .'he ahip, .-ml thecaptin »miled an.d took » fresh quid of ' terbaocer' himself She was languishing upon a sofa, watching him affectionately as he skipped brukly »Snat the room putting things in ortfer. Finely she said, in a low sweet tnne of voice, • Ueorga, darHnc, I don't believe you will ever be a great man.' ' Why so, love ¥he asked, wheeling a chair round on one of its legs, and gracefully stroking it with the duster. ' Because great men have suoh lazy, good-for-nothing wives.' $/ Shrinkage in molasses !' said Mrs Partington smiling, as she heard read the reason for the great failure in Baltimore ; ' what a thing that is to be suspended for, and if all wera fen be served the same who do the sh inking, there wouldn't be sallows enou/h to suspend h%lf of 'em on. Mr Siggot, mv grocer, s»y» th-re's a tendernens of molanses jugs'o expand in hot weather, whioh settle* tbo pr>mt so far »s he is concerned, hot it has guit ' * diff r ent effect on the moUnnes ' Sic rather g>t things mixed np, but Ike was immersed in ay . base-ball account and didn't explain. A BA.TI.STAOTOR* Corriction —A man in Kilkenny, all alive and well, recently s%w a •t»t«ment of hi« own death in a newspaper, IHe wrote to the editor : ' t notice a few errors in the obituaty of myself which ! appeared in yoar paper of Wedne-day laat. ( was born in Dublin, not Cork, and my retirement from business in 1860 was not owiug to ill health, but to a little trouble I had in connection with a horse, The cause , of my death was not small-pox. Fleas* make correction.'