Smith's Story,

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 567, 8 January 1876, Page 2 (Supplement)

Smith's Story,

My r.fory is about Smith's wife; and, mind AOii. nmifh's wife i?n't my wife, lxcms' I'm a barholm ; but unle-»« I'm WiC l mistaken llipre 13 another Smith 11 town — perhaps two. iSraith'a wile was a little round woman— not fat, but, pleasantly plump; thero was a nice roundness about her eyes, and cheeks, and shoulders, and arms; good full curves to her red lip?, and pinky shelly enrs ; and I hough you would never have thought of calling hrr handsome, or oven pretty, she was decidedly nice. She was a shrewd little body, too, with plenty of firmness ; and if it had fallen to your lot to have jnco heard her say 'Oh !' you would never have forgotten it. ' You won't be late this evening P' Charley Smith's wife said to her dapper little man one morning, as buttoned up in hi» frock and overcoat he re-entered the brenkfast-room for the farewell kiss. ' Well no,' he said, unless there's pressure, mv love, and then wo miun't grumble; for pressure mean* profit, and profit seaside and silk dresses, eh P There, good-bye.' 'But, just a moment, Charley. You will try and be back ?' ITo be sure,' ho cried ; for, with the nice, gentle, appealing, lnving look, he could say none other. ' But there — it's just ton.' 1 Yes, dear. I know ; but do try and be back, Charley. Ido so like having you with me of an evening. ' And a little, round, plump hand held on by a buttonhole ; a little round cheek was laid against Mr Smith's shoulder. ' Yes, yes, yes, yes,' he said, rather testily ' I like coming home ; only business pressure, you know.' 1 But there's so much pressure now, Charley.' ' Good sign, ray dear ; and — there — I must go.' ' But it presses so hird on me, Charley ; and it seems as if you were tired of coming back home.' ' Why, what stuff, to be sure ! Take yur finger out of that button-hole or you'll drnsf it.' ' I did want you so bndly last night, Charley ; and I like you to enjoy yourself, but not always to stop away of an evening. 1 ' Now, how can you bo so unreasonable ?' ' Mrs Lnno camo in last night, and Mr Lano called for her, and they stopped and had tea ; and Mr Lane said ho saw you go into a theatre. ' Mo ! Pooh ! absurd ! nonsense ! nonsense ! mistake altogether. But thero. I must go.' 'Oh 1' said Mrs Smith ; and as her I lord hurried away, that tightening of her lips was visible, and the little* womnn i looked dull and sad as she heard the ! door close. Smith did not get back to dinner that night, nor yet to tea ; in fact, it was halfpast ono when ho returned home, <-melling very strongly of tobacco — probably tho weed consumed as a sedati'o while somo abstruse brief was studied. ButJMrs Smith said nothing, not even tho next morning, "ffhon her husband's head ached badly, beyond tho power of concealment. All she did was to makt* the tea a spoonfall stronger, and wait in hopes of a littlo frankness upon her husband's part. But she waited in vain, for Smith had promisod to give up bachelor life and j friends ; but only to have a very sovcro relapse, brought on by his weaknes9 in never being able to say ' No !' 'Did you see*brother William last night ?' said Smith's wife, one morning after Smith had been detained by pressure at bis chambers. 1 William ! No. Did he call on me ?' •No,' laid Mrs. Smith, quietly; 'he said he vent into Evans for a chop, and you were with a couple of friends halfway up the room.' 'ftmr, really,' exclaimed Smith, 'this is a deal too bad.' What did I tell you when I came home last night ?' ' When you came homo this morning.' ' Well, morning if you like. I call it all night while it's dark. Didn't I tell you I was busy at my chambers ?' 1 Yen, dear,' said Mrs. Smith. ' Then how could it bo mo at Evans'P It's a mistake altogether, as I've told you before. It must have been that fellow Stubbles, I think his name is. Good deal like me, and I've had lawyer's clerks addressing me for hiir half a score of times. Resemblance is wonderful,' ' I don't think I should bo deceived,' said Smith's wife, quiotly. 1 You, my dear — pooh ! No, of course not. Not likely,' said Mr. Smith, as he reached the door ; but he turned for an instant as his wife gave utterance to her favorite ejaculation — 'Oh!' For the nexttwo or three weeks Smith's wife looked very quiet and serious ; those little, rounded lips of hers were pressed together until they appeared quite thin •, and \hen there came a morning when she sat over her breakfast reading a cutting from the paper of the previous day, which some anonymoHl friends had clipped out. enclosed in an envelope and directed to her. I Who's your letter from P' said Smith suddenly. I 1 don't know,' was the quiet reply. ' Don't know P Why, what's that bit of printed paper P' ' It's a pi*ce of police new*, and thr account of one Henry Stubbles, whose name was afterward found to be Charles Smith of tho Temple, being drunk and riotous and assaulting the police.' ' Good gracious !' ejaculated Smith ' But I won't stand it. Now, isn't it too bad P But I'll have an action against him.' 1 Against whom P' said Smith's wife, quietly, ' Against whom P 1 Why. Stubbles. To add to all the other annoy mces he h;iiriven. me by taking my name ! But, thank gnodnp«s, there is law in tho land a scoundrel !' ' But you did not come homo tho nighi before last. Charley.' ' Come home !No , how could T, pressed as Tarn ju Q t now ? But I believe next tha you will rca'ly think I i»m thp rnun tnenn there.' he add.^d. in injured tones. ' Sued abominable falsehoods, whon I w<i' detained as I was, and glad to get a nap on a Kofa,' ' Oh !' said Mrs. Smith, quietly ; and &• more wai laid. Rftlf mi hour ftftir, Itoalif Miiidtaily

I Wank, trie master of tlic house took his ' depurfure. ' A wrelc elapsed, and there came an cvoi '<r\c when a cuiijV of friend 1 * dtoprird in to announce that Tompkms p"ve Jus ' cn!l ' supper that ni^bt, and they brought an invitation. i ' Can't go, indeed,' fluid Smith, ' 1 haven't spent an evening at home this week.' 1 Never mind,' said one, ' what does that matter ? Stop at home every night next I week to make up for it' j ' Really, rather not,' said Smith. ' Bat, Tompkins, you know ; Buch a good sort of a fellow.' said the other. • Good, indeed !' said Smith, fiercely, as he blew out his cheeks—' ran off like a cur that night of the row, and left me in the lurch.' ' Well, really,' said the first speaker, ' I think we were rather snobby to you ' that night; but we showed up well next morning.' ' Yes, and ono of you let out my namo to the police.' ' Ah. that wns that noodle Duffley ; we could foresee that.' 'Nice mess it made,' said Smith, who seemed very sore upon the point. ' Some ono, too, was kind enough to send my wife the police report — a b^ast.' ' How did you get out of it, Sniffy ?' 1 Said it was some one el*e exactly like me,' said Smith, with a grin at his own astuteness. 1 But would Mrs Smith believe thatP ' Yes, of course, 1 said Smith. And yielding to a little more pressure, ho accompanied his friends to Tompkins's where Guinness' stout and the whiskey of Kmahan tended to what was on all hands declared to be the jolliest evening ever spent There was great disgust evinced, though, when, about eleven o'clock Smith rose, made n short speech of thickly uttered words, nil joined together, and then, in spite of all remonstrance, went rather unsteadily out ou to the landing, closed the door lettered ' Mr. Tompkins,' stood listening for a few moments to tho singing of a chorus, and lastly put on his bat very far back over his ears, smiled, and gave it a tilt, forward over his eyes, when it fell with an echoing bang upon the floor, causing i's owner the most thorough satisfaction, forhe stood and laughed at it heartily fora few seconds, before making adaijatit, and nearly overbalancing himself; but the balustrade offering him something to hold on by, ho recovered his hat and then himself, and contrived to reach tho bottom of tho stairs in safety. Ho wa« perfectly sober — perfectly — he asserted as wall, and fit; for the company of any lady in the land ; and this assertion made, he stood •till, looked up at a lamp and laughed at it heartily. • Double burners— grea'— 'mprovement,' said Smith, as ho went on, but only to stop and amile at the nrxt lamp post. ' I>iko mo to see yon homo sir?' said a polict-nian who had been following him for the last fow minutes, fortunately for Smith ; two rather heavy looking men aluo having had their by no ineauii pleasing eyes on him. 'You're imp'dent scoundrel 1 take you number ami report you to-morrow,' said Smith thickly 'No, won't, you're jolly good Her and drink my health ' ' Tiianky, sir,' said the policeman ; and then, walking a short distance behind, he saw him safely to the door, where he rang, holding on to the bell-handle. Five minutes passed, and he rang again, and then again, when the kitchen window was opened and a voice aicended the area to cry "What wit?" " Open door, Sarah," said Smith thickly. "Who are yon? What do you want?" said the tame voice. '"8 me, Sarah— marter," laid Smith shaking his head to get rid of a miaty sensation. "Got along with you, or I'll call the police," wu tne reiponie. The window wu abut and Smith stood ■taring. " Come wrong house," he said ; and stepping back he caught light of two strontjlymarked shadows upon the drawing-room blind, evidently those of a lady and xentleman, the lady's head renting upon the gentleman's ehouldsr. ' Had one glass more than I ought,' said Smith. 'Just one. Stupid to come to wrong door.' Then, watched by the policeman, he went to the next door, stand at the number, went back two houses aud stared at the number there, and then stepped back to encounter the policeman once more face to face. ' Which's Number 9, pleceman ?' he said. ' That's it. sir,' said the man, pointing to the house with the shadows on the blind. ' Course it is,' said Smith, smiling more than ever, as if he had made a great discovery. 'Ring again.' He walked up, staring very hard at the shadows, and then stopped short. 1 Who th' doosh is that?' he said. And then he shook his head and walked clout) ui> to the door, and this time the bell rang violently. The kitohen window w»« openod on the instant. ' Who's there ?' 'M« master,' said Srrith ' Why don't sh' come and open th* door ? 'If you don't go away this minute, I'll call for the police,' cried the voiue, angrily ' Master's been home these four boars, and is up in the drawing-room with misius ' • S»5 ?' said >mith— ' whoflh yer master ?' ' Why, Mr. Smith, of course, you nasty druDken fallow ; and now go away directly or he'll hear you ' Smith utarted hack a few pacrs, and gazed up a«ain at the window, ju»t as the blind was \t\tihc * oaido f-*r a moment and some one iuoknd out. Then tho shadows w*>re aeon t tioijgl.y again upon the biiud ; the lady's arm was raisea and laid affectionately on the shoulder of the gentlt man, and face mot f»o« i<> a loving kiss It w*s only a short one, bnt it had the power of endless bottles of soda water on Smith. He was sober in an mutant, and ■lathed back to tha bell ; but before he uouli pull it, the voice came up the area : • Am I to call the police to you ?' • Hero, open the door I* cried Smithi hoarsely ; ' it's me- your master.' 1 Git along with you, do !' crinrt v <arah. 'Don't I tell you mastei's np-s'airs? I'll O-Ul him directly if you don't lo.ivu the b> 11 iloim ' ' N<>, fn>, don't. Here lot mr> in quick. I tell you it is mo -your mus'i'i.' 'Audi toll you th • t tnuHti't h up-s f »irs, .ii'd he'll Ciill the police to you timely, if you don't K'i ' •Bu , Suah, here,' crird Smith s ftly ; it is in unload lam Mr. Smith, 3 our master ; look at" me. 1 ' Weil, you do look Ike him, certu'ily, <,iii| Sar<ih, peering up, fur tho lamp shone itroudy on his iiguro. But you hain't turn 1 kn'>w who you ure —you're tint nnsty wretch that's always being took fot him, and m made misiui so unoomfortable ; anil ah« told ins about it. It's my bthtf, if your iiiai'i laitb, tw, m yw uy It U, Ihil

' yon're twins, and don't know it ; bnt yoa don't hte here, so I tell you.' ' But, Sarab,' oritd Smith, who jofct then heaid a boll nng. 1 There !' crunl Sarah, ' tb,. V 'h< m -ing.ng for a can 'lc, they're mtu : 'o 1>»<! ; mi u<»w bo nff while your sboe* an* to x!.' Tlie window v,'.iB shut wi'b a b,>ng, th* fastening anuppi-d loucilj', and, standing back, Smith stood for a few moments gasping for breath and staring at the blinds, from whioh the shadows wore gone. What did it mean ? Had he conjured np a fac simile of himself, or was trie re his exaot likeness in existence, as he had tnld hia wife ; and was she really deceived ' Tho thought was maddening. What had he done — what should be do? Shut oat of hi* own house another there- confusion— lunacy ! He dashed at the door, tore at the bell madly till a light danced in tho fanlight and the catch was drawn back, when, without ■topping to tee who opened it, he flew along the pamge and np four stairs at a time to where, candle in band, stood hit wife. ' What is this ?' she exclaimed. ' What ii this !' he roared. ' Stand aside, woman !' And he thrust her against the wall, to dash furiously up to the drawingroom door, which opened aa he reached it, and a man confronted him, at whom he hurled himself madly, but only to have his arms pinned to his side. 'Do you often come home like this, Charley V fell upon hie ears ' What, you, Will !' cried Smith, gazing in his brother in-laws face, snd thenj turning to tee his wife upon the stairs, holding hor handkerchief to her mouth. 1 Let's go down to supper, lafre as it is,' she said, recovering heraelf. 'Go on first. Will.' And her brother, wondering, and staring from husband to wife, obeyed he* command. ' What— where's the -where's that woman Sarah ?' gasped Smith. 'Hush, dear, 1 said his wife, leaning upon his aim. as he gized upon her mirthful iace — ' did jou ever hear of the man being hoist with his own petard ?' There are times when it may be wise to fly in a pasaion, and there are timis when it is wise to bear in silence ; somehow or another, Smith seemed to think that this wai a time for the latter. He had been duped, he knew, but his conscience told him it waa deserved, and he only whispered a sentence or two a* hia wife and he went down. ' Doei Will know V ' Nothing. 1 asked him here to-night, as I bare done for many nights pant.' ' And that wretch of a woman ?' ' She only did as she was (old,' said Smith* wife ; ' and after twenty years in our family, I think she can b* trusted.' « But ' 'Are yon people coming to supper?' shouted a voice from the dining-room ; and late aa it was, a pleaaant meal ensued. What more passed between husband and wife this chronicler knoweth not ; but he can declare that Smith disappeared from bachelor parties ; and alio that if their is a happy, round, pleasant-looking little woman in the neighborhood, it is Smith's wife.