THE CHRONICLES OF HAMILTON. THE HAMILTON WEST HALL.

Waikato Times, Volume X, Issue 539, 2 November 1875, Page 2

THE CHRONICLES OF HAMILTON. THE HAMILTON WEST HALL.

Dedicated with profound respect to the " Old Identities" by The Author. —— -~ I 1. — N"ow it came to pass in the reign of the Pro-Consul Bowenius, when Moulius the Centurion commanded the warriors and mighty men of Waikato, that there arose a giant in the land, and he was called Turnerius and his stature was exceedin g great. 2. — And he said unto himself: " Lo, here are the warriors and the niighty men ofjWaikato and there is no house wherein they may make merry and gladden their hearts with the sound of the harp, and the tabret, and the cymbal, and the pipe. Now, therefore will I build me a place wherein- they may assemble and drink of the goodly waters of life, and make merry and be glad." 3. — And he went out and called unto him two artificers who dwelt hard by, and the same were cunning workers in. all manner of woods. And they were called Brownius and Jaggerius. 4. — And he said unto them : ," Now go ye forth and build me a house wherein the mighty men of the land of Britannia and the warriors of the Centurion Mouliua may assemble and meet together and make merry and be glad." And it was so. s.— And 10, when the great hall was built there came unto the house of Turnerius, multitudes of the warriors both horsemen and footmen, the soldiers of the 65th legion of Britannia, and the warriors of Moulius the Centurion, and they assembled, in the hall and sacrificed unto their god Bacchus. And they drank of the strong waters, of the whiskey, and the brandy, and the rum. and of tjie beer, and they laughed and sang and made exceeding merry, until many were drunken with wine.

6. — Now one offtjft Berirahtijtfstafeeritis y*s called SMi«r{otiiua, and Jltesa^W was i. mtgjity man Audit, cunni igj alao infighting after tie manner of the Bpen called pugilists. Aiud gft>imaniu 3 cWfed in the "bear and the fifcrjf Vf^efs wWeon the warriors' watfe^ mfctry. ** £*' ~ 7. — And ,with Turnerius tho giant, were three ofcnet sons of Anak, his bro,thers, and tlioir. names aoili ~. Teddious, and John, and the name of the elder was Billy. - , ' 8. — And it came to pass that Biliy Turaenue,, j&fr^te&jaraxejl yjQwkon^m^ » t 1 by $he money that he gat for tha fiery waters consumed by the "vrarriv^w, and by, ; the great mul titodea that canasta Jjehold Ske figure ©fa man which did dh^cvm* ning dances, and gladdened tbo hearts of 'the warriors, when the marchings, and the, countermarohings, and the goings to and fro in the land, and ths labours of the day were ended. 9. — And Turneriua, the elder, sold the hall unto two men called Greenius and Powellius, who saw the silver and the gold that the warriors had given for the fiery waters, and y the reign of .the Tinnerius was ended. ,10.— And he. went 'forth into the land " of the Yankees, and waxed great with tho gold and the" silver, so that he" became u scribe, of, tlje law <find a ruler. And it came to pass that he cast in his lot with a people who drink neither wine nor strong drink in their feasts, but the lemonade, and the ginger Ibeer,^ and the soda water, these things do they greatly consume, And the name of this people is the. Goody-goody Tipplars, 11. — And it came to pass that in the reign of the good Uentunon Clarius, when another race of warriors filled the land, Turnerius the elder returned ,for a brief space, and besonght the people, not to drink the waters in the house of Gwynnius, the publican, for that they were evil, and full of all manner of trouble, notwithstanding that the said Turnerius the elder had in former times sold great quantities of wine, and rum, and brandy, and beer in that house. Wherefore men marvelledgreatly and said unto themselves " Why art this thusness f ' 12.— 50 the days of 1 the Turaeriuff were ended, and Greenius and Powelliua reigned in his stead. Now the hair of Powellius was like unto thfr flaming redness of a great fire. And when divers of the warriors and others came and drank of the waters their names were inscribed upon a tablet and written in a great book, and they Temain there unto this day. 13. — And it came to pass that silence reigned in the hall, ani the warriors no longer made merry and drank therein of the fiery waters, albeit they continued to consume great quantities of the whiskey, and the rum, and the brandy, and the beer, but instead of the silver and the gold that. they had given unto Turneiius they gave unto Greenius and Poweltttui their names, the value whereof was as the smoke of a furnace that soon passeth away. And the name of this thing ia it not called " Tick" eve* unto the present; day? 14. — And it came to piss that a captain of the soldiers called Eastius took the hall, and therein sold he the hay and tha corn and other food for the homes thsft , drew the chariots and the engines of war/ And Eastius was a great m.in and a mighty, and he taught the- wurriora of tho centurion Moulius how to march and to go to and fro, and the use of weapons, and he wore glasses over his eyes, and his look was stem and awful in the sight of the warriors of Moulius. "^ 15. — And great multitudes came unto Eastius and bought of the grass and the corn, and their names were written down in a book. And it came to pasa that when the hay and tho corn were consumed, Fastius, the captain, took counsel and said, " Lo, what shall it profit a man to follow this strange custom called " Tick" ? Behold, hay and corn now have I none, nor wherewith to buy me more ; I will go unto the men whose names are written down in my book, and perad venture they will give me the wherewithal to buy." And he went. But they made answer and said unto him, "Patience, wait a little and we will pay thee the utmost farthing." And he waited many days, but they came not. Then said Eastius unto himself, " Lo, I will give up this hall, and will tarry here no longer." And it was so. And he journeyed to Auckland and became a public scribe. 16. — And it came to pass that Greenius and Powellius departed out of the house, and Ko3sius came and reigned in their stead. Now Kossius was a proud man and his heart was lifted np, and he shewed great favour unto the rich and tho great, but the poor man and the lowly he despised and held in contempt, and he refused to enter their names any more in his book, saying unto them when they besought him to do so, " Lo, it will not sling!" 17. — And the warriors departed to the house called the Royal, and there spent they their silver and gold, and caused their names to be written on a slate. 18, — And it came to pass that Rossiua departed and Penningtonius reignep! in his etead. And this last was a mighty warrior and stout withal, and he ate of the goodly things of the land and waxed fat ; and in the days of his youth he had served in the legions of Britannia in the Guards, and he afterwards taught the soldiers of the Isgion called the " Hicketty Pip" to wield arms. But Penningtonius was sad at heart, for *he gold and "the silver came not into his till. So he also departed and Farrellius came in his stead. 19. — And, behold, Parrellius was a man of wisdom, and very cunning in bringing the warriors called the A. C. into the hall, and he invited them all unto a great feast, whereat they did drink and dance and made merry. And when the warriors had eaten and drank of the good things, the wife of Farrellius went out unto them and said " Lo, ye mighty warriors, ye have drank of the fiery waters, but of the gOQdly champagne have ye nob wetted your whistles. Now therefore will I go and bring champagne unto you that ye may drink." But the warriors took counsel together and made answer and said,

"Wherefore dost.t>h<wj^oli wiferofiHrrellius, come ~hither to mock us? La; if/we* drank W tire wine which is caft'ed i cli^ip- f pagne, have we not the wherewithal' to pay the© therefor?" and they were, wrath. Now when the wife of nFarrelius heard this she waxed wrath also, and her an^r was as a cdnsuming fire, for she was ft woman, to. be feared, and Farrelius her spousa stood in. great awe of her. And she went in amongst the warriors and ptit them to flight, and all the valiant ' deeds that snedid are they not known' to the dwellers in the land, Whom men call the old icJentitiesT Then came the % wai> riors in-tTO«io«kii>* to get back the weapons mth u whiph^jj^ey had 'made 'great stars and a^ain'st'the ,wallg, and which glistened wondrously in the light" of mabyifcllow candles, a*id were 1 mdfrVtellously fair to look upon.- Bnt they found the chiot? -of the hall fastened; and they, broke ifc in. , ,

20.-r?-B«t E^jyaiagtonius brought ..to^he halfsingers and players of great renown, the M(?Gormickianß, the the O*Brienius,the Eyanius, the Clintihi'us^ the Fo*ins, Bfamchius ■ Fanins, -and other ■conjuror^ and those whose hands are cvii-, ning tto deceive the eye. A*id the fame of I the hall was great, so'that mtiltitti'des came and drank "of the fiery waters and the brew of the malt ami the hop, which, some -call beer. ' ' ' ' i

21 . — And after Penhingtonins, came one that was f exceeding sad of countenance, and went about wifch steps , slow and solemn, and men. called him u Mournful James."

22. — And after kini came Gwynnius, and.Jie; was a man of excee^in^ greatrenown^ and he called iv artificers skilled in all manner of work, >and caused to be built a-TOom fo* strangers visiting the land, and stables,. And ather- things to increase th© beauty and comfort of the house, and &w fame of that 1 tease- waxed great. . , 23.— : An& it came to 'pass fhat a young anan called Georgtus Jonsius^ «Tunius, who was a chronicler of the deeds and sayings of men, and caused news to.be spread"to~and~fnr ivc i&e land^ came' and «aw thfc hafrthat !t was good, and it be- fl •came the working- place /or. printers) and jprinsers'-devils; anA, lnsteacl of the glories ♦of former days, it ' #ai Waek' arid grimy 'with ink: and an editor named Hallowayius »at i&^e'mTdst thereof arid discbnrsed in tone* mighty and great; arid studied hard 3iow he might attract the jiotice of the jpeople with stories -wpudcous and new, 24.. — And after Gearglus Jonius, JualuB, ci«mo:Langbridgiutandi^SUverius > and sthey were men of marvellous wisdom, and •of such exceeding piety that they would oot print the -any .longer in tbehalj but removed the printers ai^d the imps *nd all that they had into a cnurch, whereat the people marvelled greatly and «aid "Behpld how< good aud pious are these." And they brought with them one Montresius, and the same was a man of marotelldus invention, and <*f an exceeding imagination. 25. — And it came to pass that Marrtinius bougr.t the halL ifow Mirtiniua •was a maker ©f ganmeHt« for the people, :and he moved the hall away, so that the 3>lace thereof shall kn©w it mo more, and ats glory hath departed. 26.- Vnd the rest of the doiags in this Shall, its of Davius Bownius when he «was pursued by MoG-overaius, are they mot written in the great book of the scribe Montgemerins, in the place of the tribune .'Seantnekius.