MISCELLANEOUS.

Waikato Times, Volume VII, Issue 395, 24 November 1874, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

The Otago Daily Times gives the following amusing account of a surprise :— " A gentleman having occasion to go to his otlicc the other evening, noticed, just as he was about to unlock the door, a sack lying across the doorsteD. He laid hia hand on the sack, and feeling something within it move, exclaimed, " A bab> ' " Tbe sudden discoverytook hw breath away, and recovering himself, he with beatini/ heart rushed off for a policeman. " Policeman," he said to the officer he met, somebody has left a bady on my doorstep !" The gentleman's tone was very excited aud not from compunctious visitings of conscience regarding paternity. The policeman, who was not of an excitable disposition, accompanied the gentleman to the office, and as ho was about to open the sack, which was tied at the mouth, the gentleman said : "Do not open it till I get a witness ? " The man in blue, seeing that the gentleman fearing all manner of dreadful tilings against him in prospective, did not open the sack until the gentleman went to an office in the window of which he saw a light, and returned with a third person, who proved to be an over-l worked clerk. The gentleman was then satisfied that he had testimony in hfs tavor should the police attempt to bring hint up on any dreadful charge. The bag was now opened, and 10, and bahold, there jumped out a big black cat, who showed himself fleet of limb on regaining his freedom We do not know if the gentleman was amused at the climax, but his witness and the constable were. It is said that he has had a lively time of it explaining to his wife how he got bo excited. The advocates of cremation must look to theia laurels, which appear likely to be wrested from them by a German savant, Dr yon Stembeis. His proposed method of disposing of the bodies of the dead provides against injury to tho living, while it oflers no violence to the feelirg which shrink^ from destroying tho corpse of a beloved Jfnend or relation. Decoinpositio > is, of course, an innocuous process, provided its results cannot affect the air. Dr Ton Steinbeis, therefore, proposes to cover the body with lioman or Portland cement, which hardens into a solid mas 3, and renders the escape of noxious gases impossible. According to his plan the corpse would be placed in a sarcophagus ot already hardened cement, the cavity in which it reposes could be filled up with the same material,, and both would haiden together into a thick slab of a substance resembling stone. Thus the deceased, buried in this manner, would rest within, instead of under, his tombstone, and grave and monument [bo comprised in the same block of imitation granite An acquaintance of a certain Scotch billie made a grievous* complaint to him one day of the hard times, and the impos* sibility of scraping together a livelihood ih that wSt«;hed country. The banhe's own experience ran directly oouuter to these croakings, for his industry had realised a handsc«ae competence ; but he knew too much of the world to attempt proving to the complainer that his ill-success might be partly his own fault. He con tented himself with remarking that it was iurely possible tor a tradesman to draw together a, tolerable business. ' Not in this country,' his friend replied. ' Weel then,' said the bailie, * what smy ye to emigrations ? I have heard that some push their way weel in Australia.' I ' Yes,' replied the desj onding townsman, that might be tho case anco in a day ; but if there is business there, mailfolk are there than can Bee a share o't. ' Weel it may bo true yo say,' rejoined the bailie ; ' but yemight gang farther — yemight gang up into tho interior.' 'Thores naebedy there,' suid the grumbler, ' bnt kangaroos.' The worthy magistrate, concluding that the kangaroos were a tribe of native savages, among whom a careful pedlar might make indifferent good bargains, replied, ' Weel, a weel, and isn't a kangaroo's siller as quid as anither man's ? ' Hero is a fact that might be introduced into the next edition of Jesses Gleaning. A more remarkable instance of \ animal sagacity cer ainly never occurred. About ten days ago the jetty-keeper ut the Old Pier called at our office tocomplain ot the non-delivery of his matutinal Guardian. Inquiries were duly made, and the runner averred that he had delivered the paper in due course by placing it under the door. Again the jetty-keeper csme in, lamenting hi» un- Guardianed circumstances, and again the runner declared that his papers had been regularly delivered. And the mystery continued, till one day our respected constituent thought he would clear out the office. In doing so he came upon a Norwegian settlement of iree immigrants — that is to say — rats. And then found the fragments of his lost Guardians. The rats, being of a literary species, hnd got up early in the morning and taken in the paper. And, not satisfied with perusing its contents merely, these literary rat& had taken it home lo read to their youngsters at breakfast' i time, and thereafter, in tbe true spirit of economy, tbe intelligent creatures hod converted it into a soft and easy bed. We shall always respect rats after this. Their zeal and discrimination in tho cause of literature is highly commendable, and we know some bipeds to whom this lesson should act as an incentive to induce them to take in a morning paper. — Southern Mercury. Calling a boy up in the momißg can hordfy be classed under the head of " pastimes," especially if the boy was fond of exercise the day before. Aud it is a little singular that the next hardest thing to getting a boy out of bed is getting him iuto it. There is rarely a mother who is u success at rousing a boy. All mothers know tin* j 60 do their boys. And yet the mother seems to go at it in the right way. She opens the stair door, and insinuatingly observes, " Johnny." There is no response. "John-ny." Still no response. ' Then there is a short, sharp *' John," followed a moment luter by a prolonged and emphatic " John Henry." A grunt from the upper regions signifies that an impression has been made, ana the mother is encouraged to add, " You'd better be getting dorm here to your bieakfast, young man, beforo I come up there, an' give you something you'll feel." This so startle* the young man that he immediately goes to sleep again. And the operation has to be repeated several times. A father knows nothing about this trouble. He merely opens his mouth as a soda bottle ejects its cork, and the "John Henry" that cleaves the air of that stairway goes into that boy li&e electricity, and pierces the deepest recesses of his vary nature. And he pops out of that bed and ifito his clothes, and down the stairs with a promptness tftat is commendable. It is larely a boy allows himself to disregard tho paternal summons. About once a year is believed to be as often as is consistent with the rules of health. He saves his father a great many steps by his thoughtfulness.