GIVE US BACK THE TAILS.

Waikato Times, Volume VII, Issue 347, 4 August 1874, Page 3

GIVE US BACK THE TAILS.

If we, as Mr Darwin says, From monkeys are descended, Old Time, in changing things, hath not As yel. the matter mended. Descendants of our ancestors, lld\e no such tnnei as they, Who had no rent of house or tax Of Government to pay. No twlor bills c»me in— Dame Nature Clothing gaye — 9 And irciku of fashion did not make Of monkey-girl a slave So the olden way 's the happiest way The new condition fails ; And, Darwin, if you can, my boy, Just give us back the tails. No hurrying out of bed had they, No bolting breakfast down, No hasty walk to shop in fear Of some old besss frown. The lady n onkey sat not up Till day the night did rout. In waiting for the lodge to close And let her husband out. They had no votes, 'tis true, but they'd No officers to keep, And o'er defaulter's cash acr ount They never had to weep. So the olden way 's the happiest way, #The new condition fails ; And Darwin, if you can, my boy, Just give us back the tails. They had no fashion's promenade, Where beauty's feet could stray ; But then the old boss-monkey had No milliner to pay. They had no wine, the monkeys young, Through night to keep a storming ; They saved thereby (you know yourself) A headache in the morning. A peaceful race were thoy, who ne'er To war's appeal did fly ; They saved thereby occasion for A Joint Commission High. A smarter race were they that Which from them hath descended, And Time by changing things hath not As yet the matter mended. For the olden way 's the happiest way, The new condition fails ; So Darwin, if you can, my boy, Please give us back the tails.

A tippler who had his load on, " fetched up" against the side of the house which had been newly painted. Shoving himself clear by a vigorous effort, he took a glimpse at his 1 shoulder, another at the house, a third at his hand, and exclaimed, "Well, that is a careless trick in whoever painted tbat house, to leave it standing out all night for people to run against." n " The most expensively dressed man I ever saw,, writes a captain in the navy, " was an African chief on the Gold Coast. His wives hud anointed him thoroughly with palm oil, and then powdered him from head to foot with gold dust. You never saw in your life a man got up so ' utterly regardless of expense.' " An Alabama editor thirsting for subscnbors has adopted a singular expedient. Instead of offering as premiums chromos and that Bort of rubbish, he promises to name his new baby after the patron who pays his subscription for the longest time in advance. " I say, Josh, I war gwine down de street an I sco a tree hark." "Why dat am nothing, Sam. I seed one holler once." " Wai, I seed do same tree leave." " Ya ! ya ! ya ! Did he take his trunk wid him?" "No; lie left dat for board." „ ,_, When was beef-tea first mentioned in history ? When King Henry VIII. dissohed the Papal Bull.