MISCELLANEOUS.

Waikato Times, Volume VII, Issue 346, 1 August 1874, Page 2

MISCELLANEOUS.

A good story is told of a certain nct»r whose fate it wa* to represent Che inferior personages in the drama, iuch is , messengers, serving-men, Le, One night, ft certain great | tragedian being engaged, the poor actor, enaotmg the ebar- ! acter of a servant, had to repent these word* " My lord, ihe coach ts waiting." This was all ho had to soy, butr turning to the gallery part of the audience, be added, with stentorian roiee, " And permit me further to observe, that the man who raises bi» hand againat a women, save in the way of kindnau, i« unworthy tbe name of Briton/ Shoati of applause followed. After the play, on being remonstrated with by tho great tragedian for this innovation, be replied, " I regret to have annoyed you, but it's my ben«flt next week, and I must inako myself popular with the audience . A doj», wbo already bore about his muzsle some not . inglorius scors, occompanied bis matter, who carraied on liU breast the Victoria Cross, to thoAsbantee campaign. Being of tho bulldog breed, and with » natural turn for fighting, he distinguished himself on several occasions, and indeed throughout the* campaign. la one instance, lie rushed into tho enemy's rani*, and, singling out me of bis native foes so bit and worried him thnt he act natty brought in \m prisoner in triumph. Ho was mah a f.irourtfe witU the men that in a heavy engagement their fire »A3 suspended for a minnto to allow of hii iimnjurud w»tr<*it from one of his desperate forays, lie lives to unjov h» return and his honours, and at this moment ia one «t tlu»pefc» of lMgraviu. Dram drinking makes a man h monster, mid lender* him unfeeling to the mother's si^h. the orphan's tour, the widow's groan. Like the grave, it U always craving for more, and spares neither high nor low. Suttb ft-s tho iicrucjt, it robs its victim of life wh»l« it hugs him in it s hiiso embraces ; it clmrms the semes while it steals tho soul Ctael as tho whirlpool, it hurries its misguided victim ta iwi early gray», and dashes him into the oddy of destruction wlnle ho fancies he is taking a voyage of pleasure ! It is found under ovtrj description of riuik and obw'ncter, from the pulace to the cottage, and patronized by all orders and degrees. It i» admitted, though it shuts oat the best friends Such nrc its fuwci^d charms, uud the baneful pleasure itatturd*, that every interest has been sucnfiicd, every ti« abandoned, every duty neglected, every prii^rple broken bo gratify it. Such is ifcs delusions, that whilo it alfects to gladden tlw heirt it hastens on poverty, disgrace, ruin, disease, misery, and madnes?. A gcutloiuau Si'oug'it Udnw sotne^K<l« ffuimauve for hta wito tho otnor evening. His wife wears lulsc U>etb. Tb» lady helped herself generously to the sticky sweetmeat, and planted both rows of teeth in it. There they remained. Strenuous were her effort* ta release them, but she was not successful. Sho wanted her mouth free that she might say something to him j »ho wanted to say something to him that the gum not only presented, but the tone of which, from its prominent quality, it thickened ; but she could not ptt her jaws apart. Then she went to her bedroom, and dropped the whole mass, teeth «ud gum, into a basin. Again she looked at aim as as if iho wero on tho point of saying something ho would bo interested in, but every eilbrtNva* broken up and destroyed by tha orphaned jaws. Imagine a woman— a direct descendent of Jit e — in such a Ox ! Think of the mighty thoughts surging and battling through her brain : think of the torrent of eloquence bursting from her throat, and striking out into the air a vapour ; think of tho blfttmg eyes, tho distended nostrils, the trembling frame, the nervous hands. Picture a«f thus, and go and marry a girl with a «et of false teeth j but if you do, don't bring dome pate /fuunanvc. It is rather surprising that «o\oe Yankee with » genius for calculation has not gone mc » an estimate of how much food is camuined by the ordinary American individual in a day, and, bating his figures upon tho result, duooveri the amount' of unimol and vegetablo food ho geta rid of in a week, a month, a year, or an average lifetime. M. Soyer, the culinary authority, the cook of the London Befonn-Club, and a greut artist in his line, goes into this sort of a calculation in ono of )hu booWj —" Modern Housewife "-~and obtains results startling, if not alarmiug, to porso»a who had never looked at the subject from an arithmetical point of vi»ir. To take a boy to tho top of a lull, as he takes lm mythical pt'HOtißgc> and »urrouud him with the objects that in the course of his lifetime he will havo to devour, may be truly described as appalling. First, ther» are 30 oxen, then 200 sheep, 100 calves, 200 lambs, 50 pigs, 1200 ft>wl», 300 fcurk*ys, 263 pigeons, 110 pounds of salmon, 120 pounds of other fish, 30,030 oyteri, SHB pounds weight of vegetables, 243J pounds bul'er, 24,000 egg«, i\ tons of bread, 3000 gallon* of tea and coffee, besides of sweetmeaU, and hogshead* of w ine. This i<?, after all, only an outline, ond Soyer aisuret his readers that, so far from exaggeration, be has, from experience and observation, made up a scale of food for th« day, and for a period of sixty years it amounted to 33$ tons weight of meat, farinaceous lood, and Tegetable. Th» statement can neither be denied or affirmed without going into tho statistics, but it ia partially corroborated by a gentleman who states that for fifty year* he has eaten two fggsfor breakfast, inuking 730 per annum, or a total for half a cenI tury of 36.500 «tfgs. This go?», for » period of only fiffy i years, 12.0U0 belter than Soyer, and does not provide for i the qmintity cattn in puddinga, cakea, deuerU, and the like. j Where does it all come from ? I At> •oittll amusement will, it is to be feared, be caused among the criminal classes by a dwngreeeble occurrence tluit has just taken pJa» at Glasgow. It »eoro» that two detectives were employed to watch the premises of a firm of commission agents in St Vmcont street, in that city, trhcro numerous robberies bava of late taken place by moans of false keys. At about 3 o'clock on Tuesday morning ibo detective* heard the front door open, aud s*w two men enter the bouao. In the burglars they recognized a pohcc-*ergrant and a police-cotistable, each of whom temortd * bottle of champagne from fl emu and then descended to the wineccllui*' The detective*, fearing that tliey sunlit escape by a back door, followed and took tbfm into euitody. At the sergeant's Louse was found a suspicious quantity of wine, some cigars and cigarettes', and at the constable's " a. bottU of port, some cigars, and matches." On tho prisoners being searched they were each found to be in possession of a skeleton key which opened the door of the premises, and one of the koys carried by the constable fitted the lock of the cellar door. In tho event of tho facts as stated being prored against these polite officer*, some dissatisfaction will probably be felt by prisoners who hat© been convicted on tbeir testimony — Pall Mall Qaselle, The London Times states that a somovrbat singular accident lias occuvrvd at Bristol, a clerk named John Pollard a«d hia wife having been tmffocuted by the furors of a paraffin lump. Mr Pollard, who was 42 years of oge, and bis wife, lived in Ayro Square, Cumberland Roap, and on Friday morning the mother of Mrs Poilard bad her suspicion* aroueed ou observing that her son-in-law's house remained closed considerably after the usual time. Shu procured the assistance of a wan named Brown, who «us working near, and by the aid of ,i ladder ho obtained access to the fir«t(loor window. Brown, an looking in at tb» window, saw Mrs Pollard lying partly on the bod. nor head resting upon her I husband, who wa« upon th<> floor in a Knechug position. ' Two police oUioers were ciltad, a.nd then an entrance wa* ' effected. On the window being opened a rery djsagree»W»

odour was emitted, and precautions were immodiatoly taken not to enter the room too quickly Pollard and bis wife were found to be quite dend, and the position of the husband seemed to indicate that lie was endeavouring to make his escape from the room u lien something had overpowered him. A paraffin lamp was still burning upon the table, and •moke wes iisuing from it. The accit'ent has naturally caused considerable oTcitoment in the neighbourhood. A waggi-h thief appeared Jbefore the Cit,>lßencii on Saturday. A const-ible passing the Globe Hotel, Swanston street, saw the man coming from the direction of a door of the pnblichouse with a door-mat in his hand, and being suspicious, h it is the nature of policemen to be, cast his eye in at the door to see if a. mat had been taken. Observing the mark left by & recently-removed nut, he directed his attention to the man, who seeing that he wm watched, began to beat the mat against the wall in a very workmanlike manner. Thu cunning dodge wmewhat staggered the constable who, as a feint, pretended not to notice the man. The latter walked leisurely along, oooasionalfy •baking the mat or banging it against the wall, till he got to the corner of a nght-of way. into which he quickly disappeared. The constable fol owed, and stopping him asked, «• What are you dome with that mat ?» The man, with a broad grin, gave it another whack against the wall, and replied, "I'm only shaking ,t.» "Faix," responded the* constable, I m thinking. JUBtJ U8t com e this way." Taking him round to the hotel, he found that the mat hJ been stolen from the hotel, and locked up the offender, who gave the name of Joseph Brown. While the constable was describing Brown s play upon the word « shaking," which is V?£ f ? r , Btealin g. th « prisoner's faoe beamed with enjoyment i 3? % an , d th * bri « ht smile wa » haunting him still when thn Bench sentenced him to three months' imprisonment with hard labour. A Western Ipaper chronicles marriages in this suggestive T* ~" •? CoUple resol ™d themselves into committee °w ' P ° Wer to add to thoir nu mber." »i Whe , n , de * f * nd dumb lovers are married, two members of the wedding party are sure to be unspeakably happy. ■Buffalo hM bean oblidged to call its law courts into requmtion to decide whether the " Bloomer costume " is male or female attire. The awful scene cloies here, in death ; but after tba 1 ; will come the judgment.— OldHumphcry.