PHILOSOPHIC MATRIMONY.

Waikato Times, Volume VI, Issue 328, 20 June 1874, Page 2

PHILOSOPHIC MATRIMONY.

! . — IN TWO CHAETEBS. — CHXPTBE I. Five years elapsed, during 1 which the delight of Henry Collinson subsided a little. Indeed, he wore a long face as he ladled the tea into the teapot one morning, while his three children made things asuncomfortable as they conveniently could. Thei eldest, a boy of military proclivities, was drilling a squad of sugar lumps, and swallowing an odd file at intervals; the second, a girl, was tubbing her doll in the i,slop-basin ; while the youngest, whowas little more than a crawler, kept trying how near it could go to several kinds of suicide without an actually fatal result, and howling because theexperiments proved painful. • Have you copied these letters ?' his wife asked as she came hurriedly into the room. c Yes,' he replied; 'they are all ready for the post.* ' "Why don't you keep the children quiet ? What ij a noise they have been making ! — Take your doll and be off, Sappho ! Let the sugar alone, Tom. Bless me, there's that brat roaring again \ What plagues children are ! — Do ring the bell, Henry, and lets have them cleared out.' When this was done, and breakfast half over, Collinson came out with what was on his mind. * Look here, Lucy,' said he ; ' you are a sensible woman, and ought not to flinch from the truth, and m that is, that everything is going to the bad. Our * household expenses are double what people who keep up much larger establishments pay ; our servants rob \is ; the children are neglected, and will bo beggared, for we are spending our capital. ' And whoso fault is all this ?'

' Well, I suppose you will own that we cannot consult our tastes and wishes in everything 1 . Society could not go on if people did not attend to certain duties.' ' I suppose,' said Mrs Collinson,' ' by duties you mean those sordid and degrading household cares which, as you say, must te imposed upon some one, and you would suggest that I do not take my fair share of them. But how can I ? You know how ray time is engaged ; I have three lectures to deliver this week, one in Yorkshire, and another in Scotland, in addition to the board meetings and a mass of correspondence ; while, except for relieving me of some of my work as secretary, you have absolutely nothing to do but to look after household and nursery affairs. If you had been successful in getting into parliament, I should have withdrawn in a measure from puplic life, in order to set you more at liberty ; but as it happens, it is my time that is the most valuable.' ' Yes, yes ; that is all very good in theory ; but, practically, there are things belonging to a woman's department which a man cannot attend to.' ' Are there ? Ido not know them. We are agreed that women ought to engage equally in what conventional prejudice calls man's work ; why does not the converse hold good?' ' Because a man looks ridiculous in the kitchen or the nursery. Yesterday morning 1 the servants tittered while I was ordering dinner ; and when I came up-stairs again, I found that a dish-clout had been pinned to my coat-tail.' ' And of course you have given the cook warning ?' ' Well, no ; on reflection, it seemed less humiliating to appear not to notice it. But after all that is a secondary matter. The condition of the children is far more serious ; T really cannot look after them properly. Ido not understand what to do, and they are neglected. A mother has more influence with such very young children than a father.' ' Another maxim which men have invented to put all the dirty work upon their wives ! It was you yourself who first opened my eyes to the cruel injustice of the relations between the sexes, and you cannot now blind me again. I know no more about the management of a nursery than you do ; we have always left that to those who are paid for it, \ see no reason for changing now, because you are afraid of servants' ignorant gossip.' ' Don't lose your temper ; I retract nothing I ever said, and I think I have proved pretty well that I was in earnest ! But I never denied that there were certain duties for which men, and others for which women, are best fitted. Pumping and fighting are amongst the former ; and looking after children, and seeing that female servants do their duty, are amongst the latter.' Mr Collinson looked at her watch, which was lying by her side on the breakfast table, and said : * As I am pressed for time, we will grant your premises, though they cut several knots in a rather arbitrary way. But come now, what is the cause of this remonstrance ? What has happened differently to-day from yesterday, or yesterday year ?' 4 Well, the fact is, I have wanted to speak for a long time ; but this morning I discovered ' ' Good gracious ! Pack the nurse-girl off at once ; send for the hairdresser, and have all their hair cut quite close, Sappho's and all. You really must attend to these mutters, Henry ; do whatever you think best; I have really no time to spare. If any particular plan suggests itself to me in the course of the day, and I have leisure, I will write you word.' She was putting on her bonnet and mantilla while she spoke, and finished with the door open. But she had a last word, and came back from the passage to say it. ' By-the-bye, I shall want another five hundred pounds for the Female Watchmakers' Association, Don't look so frightened ; it will pay in time, I have no doubt ; but there must be funds to start with. I'll explain when we meet next; but the money is necessary; so see you have it ready, please.' And she was gone. Left alone, Henry Collinson uttered a violent and most improper exclamation ; then he took his hat and stick, and went out to walk up an idea.