NOODLES. (Cosmopolitan)

Waikato Times, Volume IV, Issue 191, 31 July 1873, Page 3

NOODLES. (Cosmopolitan)

Everybody knows that a noodle is not a pom of intelligence, yet in ins way he is a very u-eful man — that is, his presence serves well for grouping a contrast. He is an instrument out of which you can pet no sound of harmony. Is it not better than to be bored with bad music, for the heart of a noo He is not tuned to the finer issues of life 9 Yet, like the guitar, which, though silent and without strings, is often a treasure for a painter, lie helps to make a good picture! Many carry with them mysterious probabilities of descent, and leeall to the mind Darwin'" theory— miinv are to be seen at flower shows, exhibition-, a. id in Rotten-row. A noodle is a very harmless indivnlu.il nfter all, and amusing sometimes ; for instance, when he gets in a passion, and utterß his brojeen sentences, and looks as if he feels he were one of nature's noblemen. The poetical noodle is leas nmu«mg ; he will tell you a long story about the stars, and compare women to everything in the sky — sun, moon, stella, f- c — the same story to everyone that he meets. A noodle never changes, and never improves — he is born so It will not be said of him that he is a new creation every day. The noodle of the period may be a strong word, but no word expresses better that claw of weak specimens of the " genus homo " A noodle is imt a snob — far from it I would not undertake to describe a snob after Thackeray A snob npes gentility : the other is gentility itself, although a simpleton. Why could not a simpleton look genteel? Do not confound again the noodle with the " squirt" —a strong word very graphicallyapplied to a man witb fluent speeches but no basis of edueit ion — a babbler with some Bhow of power in ejecting a volley of words, too often without significance whatever. Yet where there are noodles there is always a " squirt," for it is only simpletons who can have the patience to listen to such a ompound of ignorance and vanity. Our noodle of the period only utters broken sentences, and haws and yaws with a drawling finish. "Confound the fellow!" is about the strongest of the expressions of this exquisite individual. As I say, a man born a noodle remains invariable. Eton, Rugby, Oxford, and Cambridge are full of them. They take apparent polish — they do not look common by any means — and a silent noodle may be a picture to look at, that fills its place in society In a word, they are the coryphee? of this immense stage called " society." The Duchess de M , the queen of 'good manners and the best salcns in London, never invites snobs, but she loves silencious noodles to serve a.% foils for the stars of her parties To enter a reception or a conversazione where this silent element is not prominent is perfect torture, for the buzz of voices talking altogether does not bring much harmony of sound. Therefore a noodle 11 a useful fellow after all, and if ho is not vain of imaginary talent he is tolerable It is not his fault if brought up in idleness, the spirkles of his intelligence were smothered in the cradle of luxury. " You cannot make a silk purse out of n sow's car" is a good old saying, yet one can always educate stupidity into a semblance of wisdom The noodle in love is a curiosity worth looking at ; his appearance is then like, a porcelain figure — one invariable smile fixed on the features He is not vain ; generally good-natured, he is liable to be made " pigeon pie" of Nothing in God's creation is more unchangeable than the noodle. Like his love smiles, lie is always the same — ioitjours an bean fixe Such natures are happ\, and to many women a noodle is an exquisite The wny the eye-glass drops when bis lavenders hold the tiny hand of the girl he thinks he loves, is certainly a picture Of course birds of a feather flock together, and exquisite*, " with souls so dead," should be hnppy together. I hope that the entire nation is not indeed by the family of noodle*, for they flock largely abroad — I should say, in the language of exquisites, " abwaud." I have seen them the ornaments in the Boisdu Boulogne in Paris, on thePincio m Borne, in the Prado in Madrid, in the Central Park in New York In the spring they appear in force, find look very fresh indeed. I snw many in Rotten Row the other morning ; and how dandified find supercilious they looked One would think they felt that they were born to be adornments ; and why not ? I can assure you I felt quite pleased with mv morning stroll. Ihere was nothing vulgar. The clay of which they are made is refined, and the immovable physiognomies of these noodles put me in mind of a fine collection of Dresden statuettes, and great ornaments to the park.

Comb to thk Wrong Shop — Vt a country church a young minister, a groat " swell," came to duty one Sabbath 'Entering the ve«trv, lie doffed Ins coat and vest previous to donning the cassock and elotl., nnd looked round for the looking-glass, which generally forms part of tho vestry furniture lie searched, however, m vain. At last, losing patience, he cried out, " Church oflbaw! church ofßsaw !" After calling out some time, the head of a grey-haired man peered in at the door, and a stentorian voico demanded, " What's yer wull?" " Where's the mirniw ?" demanded the minuter " Sir 9 " said the other. " Tlie mirraw — tho looking-glass'" said tho minister impatiently. " Oh, the lookm'-glass. You see, oor minister's sio a handsum man naterally, that ho doesna need a lookin'-»l»'8 ; but all brin^ yo a pail o' wnter, if je like." CIRCUIToUd — Passenger : " Qwile tlie sort of weather f r your business, these April showers, 1 juppose 3 " Rcd-faeed Driver : " No, air, pi' me fair weather ; 'cause if it ain't fair, no one gets up outside, »nd if there ain't no one gets up outti le, there ain't no one to say, 'Coachman, getjourself something warm to drink ' ' "" — Punch