MESSAGES FROM THE STARS.

Waikato Times, Volume III, Issue 160, 17 May 1873, Page 3

MESSAGES FROM THE STARS.

Mi:i;< try. — Hapify Xevv Year to you ! It must he a boio to you to have only ono JNew Year in 365. We have one in 87. This is because Mercury is made of quicksilver. Very hot weather. Our neighbour, Sol, is poking up his coal like fun. Wish we could send you some of our grapes, -which are about the size of some of yonr pumpkins. We are veiy happy, and our beloved King Salamander is going to be married to the beautiful Princess Asbestos. They spend the honeymoon in the State Volcano. Vems — We wish you all joy ! Venus has been looking towards you many evenings of late, but you are all too busy ■with jour noses turned down to your mud to look at her. Our best love to the Astronomer-Royal. We are j perfectly happy hei c, so we have nothing like what you call news to send you. Our fruits and flowers are glorious, and all the silver fountains of pet fumed water are in full play. Ivory Temple of Ashtoreth being rebuilt. Compliments to Mr Swinburne, the poet, t* The Moon. — We send you the proper greeting, but there is no very good feeling towards you. You have dragged us with you into horrible atmospheres, and we have hardly a glimpse of the Sun for a menth. You are always bothering over reforms, can you not agitate for a repeal of the union between you and us, and then we should glide away, like one of your balloons, into pleasanter regions ? We noticed your gas-strike, and pitied you. The last scenes in " Babil and Bijou " are exceeding like the scenery in the moon, but your ladies have two eyes, which is ridiculous. Mahs — The Red Planet flutes you. But you are a slow lot. Why don't \ou get up a good war or two? We had hopes of jou last year. When you do get at fighting, however, we allow that you do it handsomely, and we aro pleased to sec that you arc making the most awful guu9 ever heard of. Soon niav you have occasion to use them, and jye drink to the early glory of the " Devastation." No time to lay more, as all w e heroes have to got uncommonly drunk out of The Skulls to-night. Jupitkr — So your littlo year has come round again ? Well such happiness to jou as you are capablo of feeling. We pity your barbarous and unciriliscd condition very much, and would send you missionaries, but the smallest dwarf amongst us would terrify you into fits, as a monster. We could send you mighty news, but you could not comprehend it, still, perhaps, 3'ou may manage to understand that in one of our four little Moons there has been a disaffection—something like your Fenianism — and that we sent over six Mammoth 1 ), who stamped it out. in the twinkling of a star. Well, little Earthmcn, creep about and bo merry, there is plenty of room for you in space, and there is some reason for 3 our existence, no doubt, as there is for that of our toad glow-worms, which are about your size, but much handsomer. Saiuun.— The "Chilly Orb on the Verge of Creation" scuds 11 word to the invisible speck calling itself The Earth. You must he a curious nest of anunalculse, probably noxious to one another, though incapable of doing harm to your superiors. Here we arc without passions or wishes. Exist, if it amuses jou to do so. Uhanus. — Happy time to you, little folk! llave you heard from Jupiter or Saturn 9 Don't be humbugged by their preposterous airs. Because they arc big, the) think they are great. It's not an uncommon blunder with you, as Daute, Milton, and Shakespeare told us the last time they came here to a festival. We know all about you, and admire 3 ou awfully, with deductions. Our news would not much interest you, or you should have it ; but look out for such a jolly comet. He'll be with 3-011 in 9765 of your years. You'll hear something to your advantage, for heis going to bring you within a million miles of us — if he doesn't swallow you en route. Don't have any nonsensical ideas about Uranus. We are a mort delightful people, and your RabeliaM comes and reads his book to us. Wo are always laughing, and what we hear about you makes us laugh more than anything else. You must be awful fools, but that's your misfortune. Be jolly while you may. TilK Su>\— l hope you are quite well, a« this docs not leave me at present. Fact is lam under repair. Hut what a set of little idiots you are! You go splashing about in unlucky atmospheres, get yourselves as wet a3 you can, and then abuse me, because, in drying you I make clouds come up, and you can't sec me. I'm nil here, my dear little Earth, bo don't frighten yourself. Don't believe a word that chap Figuier sava about your folks coming here some (lay. I won't have you at any price ; and he's nn idiot. I henr that little fool of a moon of 3ours 19 giving herself airs. If you were worth a ray, some of 3011 would find your way to her, nnd teach her manners. Dr CYoly told you that it could be done easily, if you only knew how. 13ut that's your look out. Mind, I intend to dn you thoroughly, and until that's (lone you'll nee \ery little of me. However, you can go on bellowing, if it amuses you, but after all these years 30U might know brlter. Vksta.— o ruy dear Eaith, don't speak to me. I used to like you very much, but really your conduct— and you get vrom> and worse. Ido hear such things ! There really can be nothing between 3011 i.nd m.c until you alter very much indeed. I would wmh you hnppiijcas, but it can come only with virtue.- London I'itnt.h.