PERCY ANECDOTES.

Waikato Times, Volume III, Issue 154, 3 May 1873, Page 2

PERCY ANECDOTES.

Ciiiticism. — A journeyman liuUer, a companion of Dr Franlihm, on commencing biuine»» for lnnisoir, wri anxious to got ii handsome sign-bonid, with a proper inscription. Tins he composed bun-self- "John Thompson, hatter, makes and tells huts for Beady money ■" with the figure of a hat sub|oined. But he thought he would submit it to hia friends for their amendments. The first ho showed it to thought the word hatter taufcologous, because followed by the uordd " makes hats," which showed he was a hatter. It vu struck out. The next observed that the word " nrnkei" might as well be omitted, because bin customers would not care *ho made the hath ; if good,, and to their mind, they would buy, by whomsoe\er made. He struck that out also. A third said he thought the words " lor ready money " were useless, as it whs nut the ciwtom of the place to sell on credit; everyone who purchased expected to pay. These too were , parted with, and the inscription then stood, "John ThoinpI son sells hats." " Sells hats !" says his next friend ; " why, who expects you to gne them away ' What, then is the use of the word -" It was struck out, and hats was all that remained attached to the name of John Thompson. Even this inscription, brief as it was, was reduced ultimately to "John Thompson," with the figure of a. hat subjoined. Pobtuns Thller. — A fortune teller was arrested at his theatre of divination, alfresco at the corner of the Kue de Bussy, and carried before the tribunal of correctional police. "You know how to read the future ?" said' the president, a man of great w it, but too fond of a joke for a magistrate. " I do-, Rt. le President," replied the soroercr. "In this case," said the judge, "you know the judgment we intend to pronounce" " Cortainfv ."' "Well, what will happen to you '" " Nothing " " You are sure of it ?" " You will acquit me." " Acquit you !" " There is no doubt of it." "Why?" "Because, eir, if it had been your intention to condemn'me, you would not honre added irony to misfortune." The president, disconcerted, turned to his brother judges, and the sorcerer was acquitted. G-ENnXE Laziniss.— A young fanner, inspecting his father's concerns in the time of hay harvest, found a body of mowers asleep, when they should have been at work. " What is this ?" cried the youth p " Why, you are so indolent, that I would give a crow n to know which is the inoßt lazy of you." " I am he," cried the one nearest to him, still stretching himself at his ease. " Here, thon," said the joutb, holding out the money. " Oh, Master George,' said the fellow, folding his arms, " do pray take the trouble of putting it into my pocket for me." Hoax —In December, 1783, when the air-balloons were the object of public attention, there appeared in the Journal de Paris a letter from a watchmaker, w ho, without subscribing his name, offered to traverse the river Seine, between the Pont Neuf and the Font Koynl, so quickly, that a fast-trott-ing horse, which was to set off at the same time, should not reach the opposite extremity before him. To make this experiment, ho asked 1 for his reward two hunired louis, when he reached the appointed spot ; and which were merely to pay his travelling expenses to, and lost time at, Paris. Ho appointed the first of January, if the river was not frozen,. for the experiment. The town wa3 immediately agitated ; subscriptions filled rapidly, and at the court and the city the only subject of conversation war the watchmaker, who was able to walk on the water faster than a horse could trot. As some, however, doubted its practibility, he satisfied the inquirers by describing his apparatus. These consisted of a pair of elastic wooden shoes, joined by a thick bar. Each sabot, or shoe, was to be one foot long, and seven inches high, on an equal breadth, and, if necessary, he was to hold in each hand a bladder fully blown He assured the public, he oould repeat the miracle fifty times in an hour. The city of Paris began to erect scaffolds for the convenience of the subscribers ; but before the appointed time the hoaxer, M . Combles, confessed that he had done this only to try the credulity of the Parisians. The humorist, however, had - nearly endangered his liberty by tho joke ; for he had not only imposed on several distinguished 1 persons, but a society at Versailles had subscribed a thousand livres, and which society was formed by Monsieur (Louis XVIII), who was too grave a prince to suffer with impunity any personal ridicule M Coinbles, applied to the lieutenant of the police, who solicited his majesty's pardon. Tho king laughed, andJ amused himself at the expense of monsieur and the court ; and it was thought best to conclude this affair by informing the- public th.it tho watchnuker was insane, and that he was neither desirous nor capable of performing his engagement. STeat Reproof.— Louis XV. frequently talked to his courtiers in a manner extremely disagreeable to them, without intending to gjve- them pain. One day when Cardinal de Luynes was paying his respects to him, "Cardinal," said the king to him, "your great-grandfather died of an apoplexy ; you"' father and your uncle died of an apoplexy ; and you look as if you would die of an apoplectic stroke." " Sire," answered the cardinal, " fortunately for us, we do not live in. the times when kings are prophets." At Fattt/t. — The Duke of Grafton being fox-hunting one dny near Newmarket, a Quaker, at some distance upon an . eminence, pulled off hib hat, and gave a- " Yoicks, tally-ho ! " The hounds immediately ran to him, and being drawn off the scent, were constantly at fault, which so enraged the duke that, galloping up to 'the offender, he asked him in an angry tone, " Art thon a Quaker"" "I am, friend," replied the man. " Well, then-," rejoined his grace, "As you never pull' off your hat to a Christian, I will thank you in future not topwv that compliment to a fox ! " FtGirri.w pßi!\C!iKn.— ln the period of the^Commonwealth in England, a joung officer who had beffn bred ny France, wen*; one day to the ordinary at tho Black Horse, in. Holborn, where tho person who usually presided at table was a rough old-firshioned gentleman, who, according to the custom of those times, had been both major and preacher of" a regiment. The young officer began to ridicule religion, and to speak against the dispensations of Providence. The major at first only desired him to speak more respectfully of reh- 1 , gion, but finding him run on began to reprimand him ma , more serious manner. The young fellow, who had thought . to turn matters to * jest, asked the major if he was going to \ preach ; at the same timo bidding him take care what he said I ajainst a man of honour. " A man of honour!" cried tho , major, " thou art an mfi.lcl and a braggart ; and I will treat , the'o as such." The quarrel at length ran so high that the young officer challenged the major. On their going into tho , garden to settle their depute, the old gentleraft»T«ed hia nntngrmist to consider the place to which on^Bas might ' drive him ; but finding him grow scurrilous, "■P"'" saul " he, "if a thunderbolt does not strike thee beiWl come fit • tliee, I shall not fail to cha^i»e thee for thy to thy Maker, mid thy insolence to myself " ThSpid, he drew ! out his sword, and* with a loud voice exclairatd, "The sword of the Lord and of Gideon \ " This terrified the young gcntle- \ man &o much that he was instantly disarmed and thrown on \ his knees, in which posture he begged for hia life, and made the necessary apology.

The &i» Francisco Chronicle speaks of the ihrep as a> public enemy on the Pacific Slope, and in explanation say* \ — It is a crime against Immunity ior one m«n to own 30,000 acres of land which he cannot cultivate, aad which he utilises only by allowing sliecp to ioam over it, which he is holding for speculation, in the hope that somebody else's industry and toil w ill make it valuable. It 19 neither right nor politic for a small farmer to be taxed at the rate of 40 dollars per iK-re for the land made valuable by his labour, while the gieat land-owner escape taxation because lie prefers to r.tise sheep These l.inds, groat and small, should bo taxed nl the ienl Tftliif of their acreage, that to be estimated at v,\mt they wonld ho worth if subdivided anJ| M>)d to emigrants in *m»ll lots. This policy would soo» depopulate California of sheep, and populate it with the moreprofitable animal, man. A man from San Francisco who had not heard of tlicCVci^n fire, arrived tYre ln<=t night. After looking at the ruins he turned to a si ranger and asked, " How long did the earthquake last, old sport, .•'" — American paper. A running account — ihe bankrupt's balance at thobanker'e.