BOYS.

Waikato Times, Volume III, Issue 146, 15 April 1873, Page 3

BOYS.

F^'nt Fekx, writing in the New York Ledger, say*} ;—; — " ifad I tlio planning of them, every mother's son should he m a state of torpor, like that of the claw-sucking bears in winter, tit the mischievous, lawless, unlovable, period, between the donning of the first short jacket and the donning of the first long tailed coat. Then a boy lias as many legs as a centipede ; go where you \\ ill, walk as gingerly as yju m n , one is sure to be extended for your downfall Then his hair sticks out in every direction but that intended by a wellmannered hair-brush. Then the trowscrs are always independent of the anatomy of his legs, and his sleeves of his elbows. His collar is always at war with his neck ; .and his hat having been used oftener fora football than its legitimate purpose, siN awry, like that of an organ grinder's grinning monkey. Then the heels of his shoes are trodden down on one side, and hisknubby knuckles yj spoilirg for a fight ; and his warhoop bears no proportion to his a^e or si^e, being greatly in advance of both. Then lie disdains, this embryo man, door-mats, and clean carpets, and handles delicate articles with smudgy fingors, and bullies his little •isters, and jells, 'cry-baby '' whon they weep, and laps up custard and cream with the thicvishness and voracity of a cat, and devours ' -v lttles' without taking the mcaaiirca of his o\ut skin or the appetite of othero. Then he is btonc deaf when you want him to listen, and listening when jou think he is stone deaf. Then, when you noqd his services, he is just going off with some ' leller,' and when you have a ' feller' ne is a3 much a future as the parlour walls. Then he stands lit street corners, and fancies it manly to endure a Spartau nausea for the precocious cigar. Then he addresses his inter on the street in this wise, particularly if th"re is another boy with him — ' Holloa, Suzo ! Won't you catch it when you get home, iliss .' Then, for all these reasons, and many others which time would fail met o mention, IwiJi he would, like the bears, put his paws in his mouth, and, retiring to some distant cave, pass the ouibryo state of unpleusantne""* in a torpor more conducive to his own selfrespect and the happiness of others."

Dancing ovkb a Volcano. — One of tho richest guninakers of New York recently gave a ball on the occasion of his (laughter's marriage. The company were at the height of gmcty, dancing and singmg, and tho host slipped away to the lower regions to sec that all wa9 in right order for the •upper, which was to -wind np the eTcning'o amusement. In the passage leading to the cellar he saw a country girl recently hired, with a candlo in her hand, which she was holding, country fashion, without the aid of a candlestick. Without troubling himself to inquire what her particular errand at that moment might be, the host passed on to the kitchen where he found his .vife in anxious consultation with the cook, and in a fow minutes afterwards the new maid appeared carrj ing a number of bottles she had been •ent so fetch from the cellar. At this moment it flashed pjross the host's momory that he deposited three barrels of gunpowder in the cellar; and that the lid of ono of them had been taken oil' to show a customer tho quality of tho contents. Me asked tho servant in a trembling voice what she had done with the candle? " It's in the cellar, sir. Sure I stuck it in tho cask of black sand foment the dpor while I'd be taking out the wh)e.*' For a moment the wretched man felt naralysed, when lip rushed to the cellar, and was horrorstruck to see the naked randlo stuck upright in tho risk of powder, exactly under the room where all tho ,>oung people were dancing. The wick wanted biiuQlng, and threatened every moment to fall. Half petrified w ith fear, he gazed at the dreadful sight for a moment without having the nerve to move, then, recovering his presence of mind, for the candle, shaken by the vibration* of tho floor overhead, seemed inclined to topple over, ho cautionsly but swiftly advanced, ptrt'tched ou(, his htjiid and extracted the dreadful fuse from the shell, which in another minute might have blown him •ml his guests to atoms. Returning to the kitchen, ho relieved his over-wrought feelings by Ringing tho candle in the face of the careless Biddy, who bad so nearly turned the home ofjov into ono of njourningj and then most ungallantly kicked her out of the front door into thp street, till his wiio thought he was fairly' mad or drunk. IxTKttKsriKO Expketmknt. — Professor Boussingault, in the Amiales de C/timie et de l>Ut/xique for -4 u g«s fc i records a a series of experiments, founded on the old experiment of f,ho Florentine Academicians of bursting an iron vessel by the freezing of water, which fully proves that if the ve«flel in which the water is cnolo^od be strong enough to resist the expansive force of tho water iv the act of congelation, tho water will remain at the lowest temperature to which it may fto exposed. Skitljm; DoujirFrr, Points.— ln speaking of a local debating society, a country paper says, " Our towii debating club is lv full swing, and question that have en"ioascd the iutollcctual functious of sages ever aiuoc the Hood, at tho rate of two a, week."

The following amusing wtor) i, told b> the " ]«ohut in tlio Street : " — I will now describe perhaps one of the nio-l jminlu] experiences of my reporting career, i went tv tin- Board ol Education in the afternovi and to tV Magnet Troupe in tlie evening after the/./ • 1 wofc, u^ 1 thoiig'it, ivall\ nice reports of each event. Si>iii<> mbtnke iuu>l h v* occurred somewhere, for the folio \ ,n.j pnranniiili will show (lint some beast (excuse me), iii.wt Iwvr t.i upeivd with my copy. Whether the compoMtorml b'o!u>s who i-ot up t!ie matter, or the arch vijlain who made u,j tlie paper was t) blame, I eanuot say, but at any rate here is tlie result of what would have been two jouniaiiM ic triumphs. " A letter wiw received from the chairman of the local committee of the Uallvhoul v schoo', -tating that Jcndely would iq recited for an oxtiajrdinary exhibition of grace and agility on the part of the fair performer rendering it difficult lor the spectator to imagine, that it waa necessary to erect a pump on the school p Timses, as Frank, hanging by the upper bar^ sustained on his toes the w hole weight of the roof of the master's house, u h.ch required a new cooking lauge, thus enabling the fair Lottie to .ichic\c her daring jlight from the gallery to the quarter-acre section reserved by tlio Government for the use of the Magnet Troupe. It was also stated that the master had resigned his appointment in consequence of Miss Fanny tiara iiaviug received a quadruple oncore for her inimitable rendering of "Good b\e, Charlie." A shower of bouquejts rewarded the efforts of thu graceful schoolmaster, who stated that he should sue tlie local committee for his last quarter's salary, the consequence- of which would bo the master \youjd repeat his marvellous pedestal dance subject of course to the approval of the Board of Education. After lome discussion the opinion of the Inspector was os]ccd. lie stated that in consequence of the admirable time they kept it -was impossible to say whether otic or two performers very Uane'firig, therefore he could aot recommend going to Ihe extra expense of providing a roasting luck for the mailer's houso ; but he certaiuly considered Lottie- was entitled to a probationary certificate, as over 150 children were educated at the dooiN, around which a dense I crowd were assembled long before they wero opon ; lie \vis happy to be able to state that he had lately examined a candidate for the appointment of a schoolmistress, whose general efficiency was of Jijch a character *s. to stamp her as the first female acrobat in the world." The France narrates the following incident, which took place, it says, tbfl other day at tho, ijtorgue in Paris. Two individuals of respectable appearance, one of them a woman with her left eye co\ orcij with a small black fillet, find the other a man, presented themselves before the i reorder. " Monsieur," wild the first, " J wigh, you would tind out whether the body of a woman named Virginia D , thirty years of age, hns been brought to the Morgue 6ince the 20th May, 1871." After describing tLo person in questku and how she was clothed, she added, " According to the widespread rumour the individual referred to was killed by a shell at the tim<* of the entrance into Paris of tho Government troops." After carefully examining his register, the recorder replied that ho could find no trace of the body which had been descvibod. " I was sure of it," exclaimed his questioner, for I am Virginia, and I wanted to prove to my hu^b. md her,e present that I was not dead." "This is all very extraordinary," interposed the recorder in a tone of severity, The husband whereupon, in o-vei;/ doleful manner, told the following story :— " When (he said) I had realised an income of 10,000 In res by making toothpicks, I conceived tho evil idea of marrying. My wife, who was much younger than I, made me the most wivtched of husbands — you understand, Monsieur? She frequently left home j and finally, on the 20th of May, 1871, sho disappeared altogether. '" As several people assured me she had been killed by a slioll, and that they had seen her remains at the Morgue, I made no further search, believing sho had been buried, till yesterday, when she reinstated herself in her conjugal home. As sho is considerably altered and has lost an eye, I did not recognise her, so she brought me here to prove she is not dead. But it is all one, Monsieur le Grottier/ she shall not return home with me, for I shall have a separation." " I havo nothing to do with that ; apply to the proper tribunal," replied tho recorder, dismissing his grange yisitors. " What ii misfortune! not dead!" muttered the husband on leaving, followed by Virginia. Masquer vdixg iv FitiXCE — The sojourners in French country houses must have been hard put to it lately. At this period of the year it is the fashion to give- lancy balls, where it it) the ambition of every petit creoe and coquette to display themselves in gorgeous attire and to the best advantage. But this year, the war indemnity not' having been vet paid, it was not thought decent to allow gold, silver, or Unsol ornaments to appeir on the dresses. Nevertheless, , pleasure had to be combined with grief; and as Thackeray das said that even a widow likes to have her weeds made i Her the latest and most becoming fashion, so these ladies md gentlemen had to exercise their ingenuity in devising •oitunies sufficiently appropriate to their sorrow, at the same :ime not of so sovere a nature as to co'npel them to conceal iheir charms. The ladies, therefore, adopted, the dresses oi priestesses and propheteou*. The chronicler tells us of one jf those interesting pcrs mages that tho features were draped in bandlets of fine linen, and the arms bare. The underskirts were of fine- white wool, over which hung a wide- flowing |>u.rpl«3 timie- U.Mia sacred ibis -was worn on tlje licact, trad on tlie gold wand held in tho hand safe the " symbolic ichneumon." Symbolic of what? W,e know that this animal is supposed to jump down the crocodile's throat when it va\>'n3, and feed upon its intestines, but surely France doenot expect yet to find Germany asleep, and perform a kindred operation upqn her? We prefor the gentleman who wa; dressed as a " picnic," and who only carried about with him the emblems of that somewhat insipid entertainment. If was all green and primroses velvet and satin, made a la Falstah" The jerkin was worked with radishes, sausages, truffles, and champagne corks. An oyster shell was worn on the shoulder over a ribbon knot. In a small hamper slung from a cordon of edibles were various bonbon*, bouquets, fans, <te, which the owner gallantly distributed among the ladiea — so that tho French can mourn very decently for their country in spite of the cynics in these fanciful costumes, and after all revenge is only a qu3stbn of tune. — Qlube. Hixr.3 TQ VoLCMEEiis. — Tho following hints are from scientific gossip in a Melbourne contemporary :—": — " With respect to shooting matches, thoru arc some scientific niceties which should be observed in securing accuracy of aim, which I do not remember to have seen alluded to. The position of the moon must havo qoine. wlFect on tho course of a ball. The same power which affects the tides will affect the curve described by tho ball shot from a rifle, rapid and transitory though its flight may be. The density of tho air as measured by hhe barometer and livgro'inctors is also worthy of attention. This density must afl'ect the range. The ball will go further before reaching the earth when the glass is low than it will when the glass is high. There is yet anothor nice consideration v\ Inch should not bo overlooked. In shooting >ast or west there is little, tendency to deviation; in shooting from north to south in this hemisphere the ball has a tendency :o fall to tho east of the target, and in shooting from south to loeth the tendency is to tho west. Short as the distance may jc, the convexity of tho earth has an appreciable val le, and ;t is obvious that if the target is in the south, and the iiarksruan in the north, the marksman partaking of the ?arth's motion on its avis from wcot to east, at a point where ;ho circumference of the earth is greater than where the target is situated, the ball will start with an initial momentum to the eastward greater thim the motion of the target in tho «amo direction, the ball will hit (or miss) in tho eastward of tho point at which it was aimed. I must confess that la}n not well posted up in th.c literature of volunteering, md these points may have been disoussed before, but as I have not met with any volunteer who was cognisant of them, I presume that they will bo news to tho majority. Ido not suppose tho aoldicr will concern Himself npch atyuit tho moon, the barometer, or the points of tho compass ; bijt fcho marksman who would seek to attain tho excellence cannot afford to overlook the slight consideration that may affect his aim." Vamjb of Porj/mv. Maxprr. — From actual experiment it has been found that the droppings from four Brahnus for ono night weighed in one case exactly one lb , and in another more than three-quarters of a lb., an average of nearly four o/.. Other breeds make less ; but, allowing only one oz. per bird daily of dry dung, fifty fowls will make, in their roosting houso alone, ten cwt. per annum of the best manure in the world. Hence half a hundred of poultry w ill make morn than enough manure for one acre of land, set en e\\ t. of guano being the usuul quantity applied per acre, and poultry manure being even richer than guano in ummoniii and fortihzing salts. Tsb other stock vt ill give an equal return m this, way ; and thqsq figures demand careful attention from tlie large, farmer. The manure, bclore using, should bo mixed w ith twice its bulk of earth, and then allowed to stand in a heap, covered with a few inches of earl h till decomposed throughout, when it makes the very best manure which can be had ' The Wellington correspondent of the Wanganui Herald s-vys : — " It haa been frequently stated that tho Hon. John Hall has not gone to England to supersede the Agent-General. Strictly speaking this may be, correct, but I know that ho has taken with him an authority to assume the Agent-General-ship in the event of anything happening to Dr Fenthcrston. Tho doctor's health was btated u> bo bad ; the Government intend to appoint sorao ono lo attend to the business of the colony, taking it o\\t of the AgeinVGonnrars hands, and leaving him to be the political representative of Xcw Zealand It is very probable that 1)« Featherstou may resent this — I believe it is intended to act as to make him do no —in which cisc, should the resentment lead to resignation, tho Hon. John Hall would im mediately tako the office, and the Government would havo ggt rid of Dr Fcatherstqn without incurring the odium of dismissing him. There are more ways than one, &c. " I am not an old fellow," «iy* Cowpqr in one of his letters, " but I had oneo my dancing d«y% nsj you have now; yet I could never find t hut I could leant half to much ot a woman's character by danomg with he.r, as uonvoi'iing with her at home, when I could observe her behaviour ul the ♦able, or at the fireside, and in all tho scenes of domestic life. Wo are all good when pleased, but she is a good woman who wants not the fiddle lo sweeten her." •

Caution to JouriiilnL? —To cill n a dp lie may < ma;, not h« LWom ; but-il ii a libel to cill the kna\*e ■ apadia u kua\e. A Uriti^h jud^e would no doubt also ra that it was libellous 111 1 call a nike ". rake. I "IfoiH'-iti is the he»! pahey, my boy," said old Jones I | young Joikn '"How do }ou know, father?" asked tl anxious son and licit*. " Because I have tried both, Samuel swd the worthy tridiMinnn. Perhaps ile was Right. — Swell : '" I want \o\\ tj m ike. u a short co it without tails or seams in the hick. lio jo know what 1 mean ''' German Tailor- " Yaas — jaus, know v&t jou vaut. You vant a straight jacket." Q lite Another Thing. — L*addy (tlie Lwor) : " Arral g'lotu; ! I hiu I I'd lay five to wsn, but I wasn't goin' lo be my half-crow n against youtatu'riii little pixpence i" (Exeun fighting.) A Boston girl at 20 years of age is in the Indian Terri tory publishing a paper in the Chootaw language. JIo youngest sister is thinking of going to China, there to pub lish a < Mirnal in the Chinese tonsiie. An A. noriean paper says a little boy recently put. a lightei mate!) m a nearly empty powder Leg to see what would hap pen. His cunobity was satisfied, but the girl who aits nei him in school thinks he looked better with his no^e on. A Connecticut paper tells this story of a new boy in tlii Sunday oe'ioids • — The precocious youth was asked who niadt the beautiful hills abo-il them, and remarked that he .1 d no know, as his parents had only mo\ed into the town tho da; before. Hero is a graphic description of a fishing excursion :— '• W^nt off Saturday noon for 'a half day of fishing. Ke turned late at night, having walkoll 13 miles, lost a £U watch, sprained a thumb, spoiled a 3'Ji pur of tuouscrs by sitting down oi my luncheon, and caught a/ one-ounct roach." A London tailor makes tho important announcement that 'he is toady to supply "a wait much felt by gontle men, nvnely, ipiments n )t cut o;l} to tit. and in tuu best style, but regulatmj any disproportions that may exist, and enh mcri^ the correct contour of the proportion 'te.' A cockney whe had boon hearing a conceit rj qM music, wheie. every piece that was performed was it the prt»str<iininp termed an "0p, >! observed, as he went out, " Well, aHer all those 'Ops, I vote we have some Malt."— Punch. Two sible philosophers took bhelter under the snme ti;e< dinjifi .1 heavy sV-ner. After some time one of them ronr plained thai h. 1 le.L t»e r.un. "Neber mind," replied tht other, t'lm-n'ij pi, «ify of t •ucs : when d|s un is wet througt we'll go lo do hder/' "Is my Jai'i' il'r»y?" nsked a young lady from the back' woids, on a sican.cr running from Cairo to New Orleans "Dirty! !No. Why do 3011 ask?" " Because that insulting waiter insists on putting a towol beside my plate. I've thrown three under the table, and every tune he come: round lie puts another before me." An old bachelor editor, thus, iv his spite, comments on a lecpnfc moonlight night : — •• We left our sanctum at midnight last night, and on our way home we saw a young ladj and gentleman holding a gate ou its hinges. They were evidently indignant at being kept out so late, as we saw them bite each other several times." A gentleman in a New England town buiied his sixtl] wife. Shortly alter tho funeral he met the minister who had officiated, and o'flbrod him a $3 greenback. Tho minister declined to take it, saying he was not accustomed to receive pay for mac li services. The gciitleman coolly replied, "Just as jou say ; but that's what I've been in the habit of paying-" t A lawyer built him an office in the form of a hexagon or six-squ<j,rq. The n.pvflity of thq structure attracted the attontion of some Irishmen who were passing by. They made a full stop and viewed the bui] ling very critically. The lawyer, somewhat disgusted at tlmr curiosity, raised tho wjndqw, put his head out, and ad'jrease^ them : " Whaf, do you struct there for, like a pack of blockheads, gazing at mv office ? Do you take it for a church ! " " Faix,"" answered one of them, " I was thinking so, till I saw the devd poke his head out of 'the windqw." Since Mr D. M] Luckio quitted tho editorial qhair of the Nelson Colonist it has had to put up with' a vicarious supply of editorial supervision. In order to keep it properly written up, until a good permanent editor can be secured, Mr William Hutchison, formerly editor of this journal^ Jhas consented to iill the gap. We think he will find Nelson a most congenial field for his talents, and wo shall look forward for our future files of tho Colo.iist with great interest to see how Mr Hutchison fills so vemtile a writer's chair as th&t of Mr Luckio in the Cuhnisi o'ilce. The NeUon Examiner is strongly given to discussing theological subjects, and does so in a manner very likely to bring out the no creditor of the Colonial, who can wield a very pungent pen on occasions of th,o kiucl. — Wanganui Chronicle. Mark l'wai(| is wonderful fellow. Ho is very often guilty of levity ; but that ho considers a mere trifle. The latest we havo dropped across as being froni lua pen id his " Diorama." Aifriend of his or some otheii person was exhibiting so;no of the most interesting events recorded in tho New T^stainenf., and on presenting the scene of Christ walking on tho Sea of G-aUileeJ he requested the musician to play an appropriate air, when the knight ot' tuned instruments struck up l> Life on tlio Oucan \Vj%c " When ngiiiii. tljo othibi'tor, in presenting the scene of the prodigal returning to his lather's house, requested the musician to discourse appropriate muiic, lie cheerfully complied by giving " Whcn|Jolii\ny Comes Marching Home." When fuither tho sceno of raising Lazarus from the dead w.»3 exhibited thq lnusriual artist, wituout any invit ition struck up " Wako up, Willie, and come along with me." Ague Si'Ouks. — In a communication to the. French Academy, M Bolestrn states that, in examining inarch water he always finds m proportion to its degree of putrefaction, a granular microphyte somewhat resembling in form the Peruvian cactus. It is^ alwajs accompanied by a considerable quantity of small spores, grerishyellow and transparent. The plant grows on the surface of the water ; when young, it bus rainbow-like tints, and looks like s^ots of oil. At tho low temperature of cellars containing no vegetation, and, in winter, it develops slowly, but in contact with air and evpoied to aolar rays, it grows fast, disengaging small air-bubbles. M Bolestra thinks that those spores oonstituto ague poison, and that they can be found m marsh air. He himself caught ague twice during his researches — once after being exposed to air from water in fermentation covered with fresh algro in full vegetation, mixed with an extraordinary quantity of spores. Death of Pbofessob Sedowick.— Tho death of the venerable Professor Sedgwick, LL.D., T.R.S , took place at his roj.ns in Trinity College, Cambridge, at half-past one on the 27th January. Tho venerable deceased, whose fame as a geologist was world-wide, graduated at Trinity College in 1808, when he was fifth Wrangler, tho late Lord Langdale being senior, and tho late Bishop of London, Dr Bloomticld, third. The Professor was electod to a Fellowship in 1810, and was senior of his college at his death. Ho was author of (an >njr other work*) a work on th • '' Riglit of Nomination to Profess irslups," Cambridge, 1823 ; '" Discourses 0,1 theStul.ds of the Lnivers'ty," Cambridge, LSSO; " Geology of th« Like Districts, ' 13.53 ; " Preface to Dr Livingstone b Cambridge Lecture*," 1858 ; and of papers innumerable in tho Transactions of the Cambridge Philosophical Society, the Geological Society of London, and other learned bodies. JIo had hbta'ujd the patriarchal age of 87, and his death was the result of a gradual decay ol nature. He was never married. Th ' D) aprn" Trade Journal says that the " old-fashioned draw.i b nnst-. rvro cmv.ng mto vogue again." After quoting this, the Birmingham i\sL goos on lo aay :—": — " They will of course be expensive at first — all novelties are — but their advent indicates a reform in cot>t as well as 111 appearance, lor m time »o shall gp ba<-k to the ' o'd-fasluoued' cottage bonnet, which did protect tho head of the wearer, and lasted twice as long, and cost not halt as much as [the present wonderful conglomerations of wire, net, ribbon, lace, llowcrs, and hits of tinsel which British mauls and maidens perch upon their heads and call ' bonnets.' There will be another advantage 111 the change. When bonnets are,mado to tit the head instead of to lodge uneasily upon it there must be a change in tlie mode of dressing the hair. The alarming constructions — artfully composed of what we must rudely describe as ' y ld:ng' — will duappear, and the hair will be arranged m a natural f.i&luon. To say nothing of good taste, people who sL m back beats at church, or who cau't get front places at concerts or theatres, will know how to appreciate tin, adwmtoige. Of course it will noi be prudent to congratulate ourselves too soou. Extravagance clipped in one direction breaks out in another. But still it is something to get a reform 111 bonnets ; now that coals aud meat are dear, it will give Paterfamilias a ch.mco."