Selected Jokes.

Waipukurau Press, Volume I, 8 May 1906, Page 2

Selected Jokes.

——# They had been introduced. “ Really,” she said timidly, “ your face seems so familiar to me I think we must have met before.” “ Impossible !” he sighed. “If we had met before 1 should either be engaged to you, married to you, or dead of a broken heart ere this.” Marie: “ Why is Mr Puller in such a hurry to marry Maud?” Arthur: “He promised her he wouldn't smoke while they wei’e engaged.” Tramp : “ I lived on water once for six months.” Lady: “ Well, I must say you don’t look it” Tramp; “ I uster be a sailor.”

“ I dreamed last night that I proposed to the most beautiful girl of my acquaintance, and I am going to make that dream come true.” “ Oh, Harry, this is so sudden !” “ Ah, doctor,” said the melancholy invalid, “I’ll never find relief until I’m in my grave.” “ Oh, well, don’t worry,” replied the M.D. “ I’m doing the best I can for you.”

The confusion of tongues had just fallen on the Tower of Babel when a voice rose high and clear : “ Diddums want a pitty tiss, bess his heart?” With a groan of anguish they turned and fled from the edifice.

Physician : “ Your ailment lies in the larynx, thorax, and epiglottis.” Hooligan ludade I An’ me afther thinkin’ th’ trouble was in me throat!”

Wife (during the spat): “ You’ll be sorry some day when I’m in'the silent tomb.” Husband: “Well, it won’t be your fault if it is silent, my dear.”

“ What does the first expert say ?” il He says the prisoner is guilty.” “And the second expert?” “Not guilty.” “There’s a third expert, isn’t there ?” “ Yes ; he says both the other experts are liars.”

“ When I—aw—awsked foh her hand in mawwiage her bwutal father thweatened to —aw — bwain me, doncher know.” Miss Cutting : “ That’s just like her father. He always was fond of a joke.”