WISE AND OTHERWISE.

Waipukurau Press, Issue 4, 5 January 1906, Page 2

WISE AND OTHERWISE.

—o ORIGINAL QUIPS. A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men. Say— That it is unnecessary to erect Town Board offices. The board has already got its Chambers,! That the local freezing works have been idle a longtime, and are likely to remain so. Why complain— weren’t they meant to do a freeze ! That the Waipuk! post office is not up to date. What’s Sirjo Ward thinking about! Let us combine and squeak For an office every week. If we make a jolly fuss, The boss will attend to us ; If we don’t he won’t, you bci, Nary plank nor post we’ll get. Agitate and press away, We’ll get it sure, some fine day I That the sausage was invented in Germany in 1805. Thank goodness they’re not all made in Germany ! That the joker who prigged the ham ought to be® hamstrung and strung up in a hammock till next Christmas! A little ham stood in a safe So nice upon an oval plate ; The ham, tho’ inside the safe, Wasn’t safe that night so late. But now it’s safe inside another safe — At least, that’s the likely conclusion ; But a ham that’s safe’d at Xmas time Is a snare and a delusion ! That if you see a man pushing a pram you need not necessarily conclude he is a devoted father. It might contain fish! When your pet corn jumps, it isa sign of rain ; when your contraries! tooth jumps, its means pain. Reasonable logic ! Two trains did bump the other night, And gave the passengers an awful fright; But why can’t they have a bumper time When working so hard upon the line ? In Xmas week when all’s so gay, Whatcare they for a block in the way ? What were the cow-catchers doin’ l’o allow two engines to run to ruin! Why did all make such a jolly row Over that little affair at Matainau f That Hastings has a huge crop of fruit this season; this is the fruit of growing so many fruit trees ! That potatoes are now cheaper than apples. But if the blight remains another year, they’ll be sold by the ounce, I fear! That Digger Dick (alias the Premier, alias King Richard of N.Z;} is taking a rest in Westland. May his shadow develop in that cloudy country! That a man and a lady tried very hard the other evening to get rid of a third person —another man, but- the attempt was useless. In summer time when the sun isIbw, Two are company —three not so ! That the Waipuk girls are the admiration of all who behold them. Those who don’t are in blissful ignorance of what they miss !. That some of the papers—the Hawke’s Boy Hurled the D-lie Telegruffi, and Mai-pa Wail(ed) — are wrestling more for Waipuk noose since the Press commenced operations. Style—Catch-as-catch-can !

That a New Plymouth gent was" humming on his verandah the other morning—“ If ever I loved you, my love, it is now.” At the moment his missus was eloping with his partner ! That at a Xmas house party dance a youth from the coast grasped his partner around the neck instead of the waist. Practice makes perfect fools of some 1 She always darned her hose with silk— The holes were quite extensive — The price of silk is very high, Which makes them darned expensive ! A woman is suing for divorce in Chicago because her husband compelled her to get up at two o’clock in the morning and play the piano. Some men are easily pleased ! That the Maoriland footballers defeated the Frenchmen by 38 to 8. Game said to be fect understanding between each team except as to the result—Maori and French so much alike. Game played ala Francaise; au reste, sauve qui pent. Kapai, by the hokey-pokey ! That the Premier, on behalf of the Gov., has offered to pay the All-Blacks’ exe’s through ’Merika and Canada. ’Tis thought ’twill be a cheap way of advertising N,Z. products. My word! That the rumour that a scent factory is to be started at Tomoana is without foundation ! That Waipuk bridge is a long ’un. Should be chsistened the “ bridge of size 1” Yours to a cinder, ♦ Gobo.