HOW HE GAVE COOKING BEST.

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1176, 15 May 1874, Page 4

HOW HE GAVE COOKING BEST.

The following is the Danbury Newsman's latest, describing how lie washed his hands of the cooking: It was about the buckwheat cakes. I told Maria A nri any fool could beat her making those cakes, and she said I had better try it. So I did. I emptied the batter all out of the pitcher one evening, and set the cakes myself. I got the flour, and the salt, and the water, and warned by the past, put in a liberal quantity of eggs and shortening. I shortened with tallow from roast beef, because I could not find any laid. The batter did not look right. I lighted my pipe and pondered —yeast, yeast, to be sure. I had forgotton the yeast. I went and woke the baker and got six cents worth of yeast. I sot the pitcher behind the sittingroom stove and went to bed. In the morning I got up early and prepared to enjoy my triumph ;~but 1 didn't. That was yeast strong enough to raise the dead; the batter was running all over the carpet. I scraped it up and put it into another dish. I got a fire in the kitchen and put on the griddle. The first lot of cakes stuck to the griddle. The second dittoed, only mare. Maria Ann then came down, and asked me what was burning. She advised me to grease the griddle. I did it. One end of the griddle was too hot, and I clorppnd the thing on my tendcrestcom while trying to turn round. Finally the cakes were ready for breakfast, and Maria Ann got the other things ready. We sat down. My cakes did not have exactly the right flavor. I took one mouthful, and that satislied me. I lost my appetite at once. Maria Ann would not let me put any on her plate. I think those cakes may be reckoned a

dead loss. Tbo cat would uot eat them. The dog ran ofl' and stayed away three days after one was offered him. The hens wouldn't go within ten yards of them. I threw them into the bach yard, and there has not been a pig on the premises since. I eat what is put before me now, and do not allude to my mother's system of cooking.

A telegraph operator summoned a doctor thusly :—" Come at onco to see procession of Carlo Spencer's menagerie." The message, when " repeated," read —" Come at onco with prescription—case of cerebro-spinal-meningitis." '' Should I be discovered lam lost! " exclaimed the hero of a melodrama, as he concealed himself in a closet on the stage. ' Should you be discovered, you will be found, was the amendment of a wag in the gallery. What requires more philosophy than taking things as they come? Parting with things as they go. A New Yorker advertised an umbrella which ho had found the other day, and a morning paper scut a reporter to interview him, and give the public all the points about this extraordinary man A race is sometimes won by a head, but the legs generally land all money.