MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1172, 1 May 1874, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS

A clerk in the Indianapolis PostOffice is now in the last stages of drouth, occasioned by his own gallantry in volunteering to lick and adjust postage stamps for the young ladies who came to his window" He isvery charming—lndianapolis is full of good-looking girls who love dearly to see him run out his tongue and moisten a stamp, and the first thing the unfortunate young man know, he had exhausted his salivary secretions, and was as dry as a boarding-house pic. The doctor says unless he can start the sap in his system lie is a '' goner." What is the difl'erenco between a capitalist and a lunatic ? —One is a made man, and the other is a mad-man. Why should an ambitious politician be unlikely to be a party man? Because ambition may overleap itself, and fall on the other side. The editor of the Lexington (Missouri) was from the first opposed to the recent editorial convention at St. Louis, but ho controlled his feelings, and mildly but decidedly referred to it as " tin aimless and fruitless catawampus of nineompoopic gabsquirts and rapscallions." Life and Limbs in the Highlands.— Scotch Keeper: (to young Sportsman): " Ye hac shot a boy,"—Young Sportsman " Good Heaven !is it possible ? What shall I do ! Keener (immovably) Uie nun a shulhn . At a sale of bush land in Canterbury, recently, by public auction, many of the sections fetched from £SO to £OO an acre. The bump of destructiyeness—A railway collision. Julia Mathews continues her performances in "Madame Angot" at the Philharmonic with complcto success. This lady, if she has lost somewhat the arch abandon of her earlier days, and the rich tones of her voice, is "said to have developed into a more finished /actress Rector's "Wife : " It is really a very strange thing, Dibbins, that you and your wife quarrel so often ! " Dibbins : "Ees, inarm, it be nun, 'cause we both agree on one main p'int. She waants to be marster, and so docs I ! " Jerry Johnson, junior, a noted auctioneer of New York, advertises for Rale at ' Far Eockaway, Long Island,' ' nine elegant cottages and seventy-five glorious ocean villa plots,' and adds the following inyitation : Then como to the sale with Johnson, By the roar of the ocean surf, Come, buy a home by the salt sea foam In the fairest spot of earth ■ On the sea-beat shore, which evermore, As now, shall resound with mirth.