A. TROJAN WAR.

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1165, 7 April 1874, Page 3

A. TROJAN WAR.

As there happen to bo some fifty towns and villages named Troy scattered through the United States, considerable doubt was felt up to the olhcr day as to which of these places had best right to so illustrious a title. A fortnight ago, however, the controversy ended iu favor of the Ilium of Ohio, where not only the bones of Hector, but his war tomahawk, mocassins, and tobacco pipe, were dug up in a tolerable state of preservation. Lt is questionable whether the western city of Priam is prouder of this discovery than the possession of a certain Mrs Stuyvesant O'Grady Four years since an emigrant German madchen arrived to relatives settled in Troy. There was the fair Teuton seen and loved by Andrew O'Grady, the local postmaster. O'Grady is acknowledged by the reporter who narrates this history to have been a gentleman of "winning person and persuasive speech." It was blarney against beauty, and the Celtic quality had the best of it. Eraulein Stuyvesant capitulated, and there was a marriage very much after the style celebrated in that popular epitbalamium," Paddy's Wedding," Before the honeymoon had expired Mrs O'Grady had satisfied herself on two points. The first was that her husband was a drunkard ; the second that he was a gambler. She carried him to the parish pastor, and, in the presence of that clergymen, exacted a vow of future amendment, a solemn abjuration of all cocktails and chances from thenceforward. Rejoicing at heart, the energetic young wife returned to her bridal nest, her reformed husband proceeding to his office. It is painful to say that he was handed into the partner of his joys that aftoruoon laboring heavily i-ider liquid violation of the oath lie had sworn in the morning. The poo? suffering woman threw him into the street. He slept the sleep of the just and the drunk till daylight. Waking, sobered by exposure to the night air,- the treatment he had received from his wife flashed upon bun. lie determined on vengeance. Superior biped and lord and master of the female that he was, she must know he - * place. Besides, the rights of man were in danger and it was necessary to strike a resolute blow for freedom. He did so with a big stone upon the front door. The shock broke the door. It also broke Irs wife's rest. She arose and descended to find her husband in possession of the hall and a number of early risers congregated in front of the house. Mrs

6'G. took her better half calmly by the coat collar, and with the thick end of a riding whip administered a fustigation so well and so prolonged that by the last accounts the postmaster still continued to stand up to his meals. She then kicked him out amid the cheers and laughter of the crowd. Of course he sought relief at the bars of the tow a. While sipping solace at one of these fixtures in the course of the day, he was surprised by his wife. She whipped him out of the house and into the street. Let it not be thought that the man submitted calmly to this indignity. We learn that, though a small person, he was not wanting in pluck. Bub he was a child in the hands of bis colossal helpmate. Beneath a shower of blows he was driven to his office, and was forced to stay there the rest of the day. When his work was done, his formidable partner carried him home. She sent him forth next morning with a few words of simple, significant warning. Ashamed of the spectacle of the day before, he slunk into his office, about which a few of the idle crowd had gathered, singing a pleasant rhyme, styled " The hen-pecked husband." A sudden skedaddle of his persecutors caused O'Grady to look out, and he saw his gigantic wife, favorite weapon in hand, swoop upon the vagabond group, and scatter them as a troop of cavalry would scatter a mob. The rescue effected, she entered the office, and having kissed and coddled her crestfallen Benedict, linked him home triumphantly, blessed by the wives of the township. The people of Troy are watching with extreme interest the progress of Mrs O'Grady's experiment.