THINGS THAT SUIT ME.

Westport Times, Volume VIII, Issue 1156, 6 March 1874, Page 4

THINGS THAT SUIT ME.

I like an aimabel mau (uot one who will let you spit on him), but one who dou't want tew spit on enny boddy eke.

I like a stirring man (not one who stirs up musses), but one who haz got sum thing tow dew and duz it.

I like a good looking man (uot a pretty man), but one who looks well —into thiugs, one whom yu can't phule with a mare's nest, unless he sees the old mare on it.

I like a gritty man (not a dirty one), but one that pitches in like a frog opb from a saw log, no matter how deep the water is.

I like a fasa boss (one that goes fass bekause he luvs tew), such a critter is half human; he never ought to be hitched to a plough, he ought to be took out ov his stable az a wild pigeon had out ov hiz cage, and let him—go.

I like a rat terrier with hiz hair awl combed forward, hiz eyes on fire, hiz talo straight out stiff, every muscle alive, au the entire dorg only 3 feet off from a rat-hole.

I like woman (haudsmn if itiz convenient) with more wisdom than laming, chaste, but not frozen, soft, but not silly, and fond, but not fussy, sich wimmin are skase, and are going tew be skaser.

I like religion (the kind that wurks G days aud rests on the 7), which acks on a man's soul, az congress water does on his body, phesicks him well, but don't make him any the weaker. 1 like good order —good morals—good friends—and awl things well dun, except beefsteaks, and that I want rare dun. —Josh Billings.