WESTPORTIA IN 1884.

Westport Times, Volume VII, Issue 1109, 23 September 1873, Page 2

WESTPORTIA IN 1884.

(Bt Chips.) It happened on the Christmas day Of eighteen eighty-four, Direct from Britain all the way, We reached Westportia's shore.

After many years absence I was landed ex s.s. " Imagination" on the main north pier of the Westportia stone dock. Our ship had a general cargo, which had been ordered by wire just a week previous to the charter having been determined by the Albion Company's Home Agents. Besides 250 Newcastle and Faderland colliers, despatched to the said Company, there appeared on the ship's manifest, 3000 stamp heads and 31 engines for various Lyell, Ngakawhau, and Mokihinui crushing companies, also seven boilers for the " Came Foundry," 25 cases of bloomer costumes for the Crystal Palace addressed to " Tim and C 0.," two dozen saplings labelled " sea protectives," and consigned to "the Samuel Infirmary," six cases of wide-awakes as samples for " the White Manufactory," 2 >0 antimacassars for the "Rowlands Oil Depot," 3000 green house plants and pots addressed to the " Johnnie Preservatory," a number of larks for the " Lord John Mart," and the " Satan Orchard," in addition to a host of sundries. I had just handed duplicate copies of our passenger list and manifest to the several shipping reporters of the daily papers, when, who should 1 meet coming along with a spanking pair of bays but old Humdrum. Deceived for a moment with his increased rotundity, I nearly allowed the carriage to pass, but observing the ex-mayor crest on the back, I shouted for the occupant to hold hard, to which he immediately responded, " Is it possible ?" said Hum, " well I never expected to see a chip of your old block again." With this he re quested that I place my boots on the dog mat in front and bring myself to an anchor on the spring bottom possum alongside himself. As the pair of prancers proceeded along the main streets I briefly detailed my British exploits, but my curiosity being excited to hear of the doings of Westportia, I soon commenced enquiring how many more Nabobs existed in these parts capable of fingering and affording the double ribbon. " Bless you," replied Hum, " I'm not single in that respect, there's Lord John, yon must remember him before he attained his present title. He does the four in hand, and all out of the ' Satan claim.' You must remember the time when he was rejected by the handful of burghers of our newly formed municipality. Changed times now Sir! Like the memorable Julius who was once rejected by a small Victorian constituency, but who afterwards rose to be the best Premier who ever held sway over a British dominion, so likewise has his Lordship now risen to equal prominence in our adopted land. He is Hpeaker of the Colonial Legislature. Many always had an admiration for the name for that post. He's none of your single pair men now. He wouldn't stand it. He holds fours in hand and no less. And there's my old mate, from a Bailie he got to be an Aldermau, from that to a Knight, so you see we are not far behind your English titles of honor, for we have him now a Knight at home, and that's more than you remember. Well there again, do you see that, Crystal Palace on the terrace to the south, where the old brewery used to stand, that made a fortune, over the left! That Sir, is now leased by the illustrious Tim and Co., the senior and surviving partner of which firm drives the prettiest pair of piebald ponies ever you clapped an eye on. To the west again, is the 'Drag Estate,' and just beyond the bridge stands my own private mansion and grounds, which I bequeathed last month to my eldest son on his tenth birthday. We will drive over there presently." Contrasting the foregoing description withe the condition of affairs a dozen years previous it is not to be wondered that I was struck with the utmost astonishment. I could only give vent to my reflections by saying, "So the Town cuss gets more than 40s a week now I imagine? Munificent screw that was ? By the way what came of the said factotum of those days 1 Did he remain honest and file with regular punctuality so many times per annum, or did he walk with cranium erect in the only other groove left him, saying, f I'm a gent,' and playing his own accompaniment, while the ratepayers were allowed to whistle the chorus." I could see that this enquiry did not meet with a ready response, and remembering that those were the days of the first mayoralty, I changed the subject. «* What's on to-night?" I enquired. "Only service at the Cathedral to-night," rep'ied Hum, " this is Christmas day, but to-morrow night the Mayor gives his fancy dress ball at the Palace. I'll get you an invitation if you like. It's not to be a Trimble fandango remember, but a tip top affair. Supposing you represent Father Neptune, who was once well known around this locality. Blue tunic and green pants are all you want, and I can manage that, along with the seaweed and coral trimmings. Tou will meet Rob Roy and Lady Macgregor, Charles the Second, Bluebeard, Oliver Cromwell, Mary Queen of Scotts, and

any number of the Neapolitan noblemen and girls of the first and present period. What do you say 1" In the words of ancient history I replied, " I'm yout Moses."

We went. What there took place, when time permit, May be the subject of another skit.