MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Westport Times, Volume VII, Issue 1066, 25 April 1873, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

An old bachelor editor, thus in his spite, comments on a recent moonlight night:—" We left our sanctum at midnight last night, and on our way home we saw a young lady and gentleman holding a gate on its hinges. They were evidently indignant at being kept out so late, as we saw them bite each other several times." A gentleman in a New England town buried his sixth wife. - Shortly after the funeral he met the minister who had officiated and offered him a £3 greenback. The minister declined to take it, saying he was not accustomed to receive pay for such services. The gentleman csoly replied, "Just as you say ; but that's what I've been in the habit of paying." "Pray, sir, of what profession are you ?" asked an eminent Q.C. recently on circuit of a witness who had come prepared to prove a fact, and who was deemed not very respectable. " Sir, I am a shoemaker and wine merchant." " A what, sir?" said the learned counsel. " A wine merchaut and shoemaker." " Then," said the counsel, " I may describe you as a sherry cobbler." An American paper says a little boy recently put a lighted match in a nearly empty powder keg to see what would happen. His curiosity is satisfied, but the girl who sits next him in school thinks he looked better with bis nose on. Two sable philosophers took shelter under the same tree during a heavy shower. After some time one of them complained that he felt the rain. " Neber mind," replied the other, dere's plenty of trees; when dis 'un is wet through we'll go to de oder." A Connecticut paper tells this story of a new boy in the Sunday schools : The precocious youth was asked who made the beautiful hills about them, and remarked that he did not know, as his parents only moved into the town the day before.