THE TROUBLES AND TRIALS OF A REPORTER.

Westport Times, Volume VII, Issue 1063, 15 April 1873, Page 4

THE TROUBLES AND TRIALS OF A REPORTER.

A correspondent of the Canterbury Press, who has a very neat way of "putting things," thus describes the not altogether imaginary adventures of a representative of the Press in search of the daily news with which his clients require to be fed ■ —■ An event has lately occurred which has jarred me somewhatly. A reporter belonging to this paper went away for a day or two, and I thought I might take his place for that time. The editor of this paper said I might go and try and pick up what I could. I did so. I wrote several columus on different subjects, but on producing them for the editor's inspection, he refused to publish them. Ile said the style was flowing and original, but it was a bit too flowing. He said that if he engaged me for a week the paper would be ruined. As I represented to several of my friends that I was a reporter, and as 1 have been treated to a number of ill-limed funnijuehts from them on account of the nonappearance of my local news, he has allowed me to give a short account of my experiences, and to reproduce some of my locals. I leave it to a generous public whether I have been treated fairiy or not. Just peruse the below, my festive reader, and judge for yourself. I thought that reporting was easy enough, but, having tried it, I can assure you that it is just the very reverse. I rubbed along fairly enough myself, but I got a bit mixed up after all. I commenced in the morning by putting about a ream of reporting paper in each pocket, which gave me the appearance of a journalistic Issachar. I borrowed shillings from various members of the staff, to which 1 felt it an honor to belong, and made a start. I started by standing in a graceful attitude at the door of the Press ofTice. As the sporting correspondents say, I " got away badly," for while standing there, a lean-looking party, with a face like a sulky morepork, walked up and asked me why on earth he hadn't got his Press that morning. Imitating as well as I could that sauve manner for which your employees are so justly famous, 1 told him that it was no affair of mine ; that 1 was not connected in any way with the ' runner' department, but that I would have the boy drawn and quartered before mid-day. Contrary to my expectations ho did not ask me what I was going to have to drink", but took his name off the subscribers' list, and called mo a chattering idiot. I next went spargauderiug, by which I mean I travelled about. I asked everyone I meet, " What's the news ?" And everybody answered, " Well, nothing fresh." By the living jingo, I thought, if this is to bo it, I shall sub-let, this job. I always thought that picking up news was as easy as shelling peas, but bore was I, after four mortal hours, without a blessed word. Why did not some goodnatured citizonset his place on fire, or murder his wife and family and bring peace to the soul of a striving reporter, 1 was about to return empty handed, a sadder, but not a wiser man, when I met old Slobberllinks,who told me that some new sheep had arrived of a rather superior breed. I immediately darted off to interview them. Between ourselves, I couldn't see much difference between them and any other sheep, but this is my report of them : —>lt is always pleasing to be able to chronicle the advent of now blood, whether of horse, sheep, or ox. It is therefore with feelings of uo ordinary satisfaction that we inform our readers that Mr Cokriwo has succeeded in introducing a mob of excellent sheep. The animals in question possess all the distinguishing characteristics of tho Cotswold and Clydesdale. Though apparently purebred, hypercritical people might perhaps distinguish a slight strain of the Suffolk Punch, but it is so slight as to he almost imperceptible. We have no hesitation in saying that this importation of thoroughbred Romney Marsh will prove a great acquisition to all breeders of Rainbouillet shorthorns." Although frankly allowing that the mind of yours truly is not built upou a bucolic basis, I think the above was a very fair notice. The editor, however tore it up without saying a word. *##* ' # *

I will now describe perhaps one of the most painful experiences of my reporting career. I went to the Board of Education in the afternoon and to the Magnet Troupe in tho evening of ihe fete. I wrote, as I thought, really nico reports of each event. Some mistake must have occurred somewhere, for tho following paragraph will show that soino beast (excuse xae)

must have tampored with my copy. I Whether the compositorial blokes who set up the matter or the arch villaiu who made up tho paper was to blame I cannot say, but any rate here is the result of what would have been two journalistic triumphs. "A letter"was received from the chairman of tho Bailyhooly school, stating that tenders would shortly bo received for an extraordinary exhibition of grace and agility on the part of the fair performer, rendering it difiicult for the spectator, to imagine, that it was necessary to erect a pump on the school premises, as Prank, hanging by the upper bar, sustained on his toes the whole weight of the roof of tho master's, which required a new cooking range, thus enabling tho fair Lottio to achieve her daring flight from tho gallerly to the quarter-acre section reserved by the Government for the use of the Magnet Troupe. It was also stated that the master had resigned his appointment in consequence of Miss Fanny Sara having received a quadruple encore for her inimitable rendering of " Goodbye Charlie." A shower of bouquets rewarded the efforts of the graceful schoolmaster, who stated that he should sue the local committee for his last quarter's salary, the consequences of which would be that the master would repeat his marvellous pedestal dance, subject of course to the approval of tho Board of Education. After some discussion the opinion of the Inspector was asked. lie stated that in consequence of tho admirable time they kept it was impossible to say whether one or two performers were dancing, therefore ho coold not go to the extra expense of providing a roasting-jack for the master's house ; but he certainly considered Lottie was entitled to a probationary certilicate as over 150 children were educated at the doors, around which a dense crowd was assembled long before they were open. He was happy to be able to state that he had lately examined a candidate fop the appointment of schoolmistress, whose general etHciency was of such a character as to stamp her as the lirst female acrobat in the world."

Can you imagine my feeling on perusing the foregoing paragraphs, after their being returned to me by the editor. Did space permit I could givo further specimens of my reporting experiences ; but I fancy the above will be quite enough to convince the impartial reader that my talents did not receive that meed of commendation to which I think tbey were fairly entitled.