MISCELLANEOUS.

Westport Times, Volume VII, Issue 1052, 7 March 1873, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

'One "of the saddest instances of 1 woman's faithlessness ever heard of was •• was that of-the wife a man in Syracuse. . It seems that the couple had arranged i that for six months the husband was 1 to get up in the morning and make ' the kitchen Sre, and that the wife was ' to perform the task for the succeeding six months. The man's half year expired on the 2nd, and on the morning of the 3rd, the woman suddenly died. He is nearly broken-hearted over his affliction. He says if he could only have foreseen this bereavement he would have shuffled her out of bed at daylight every morning since April. " ftooles for Playin Onto a Organ into Ivleetin: —" When the preacher cums in and kneels down in the poolpit pull out all the stoppers. That's wot the stoppers is for. When a him is given out to be sung, play over the whoa! toon before singin but be sure to plav it so that they can't tell wheather it's that toon or some other toon. It will amoose the people to gess. "When you play the interloods sumtimes pull all the stoppers out and sumtitnes pull them nil in. Play the ■ interloods about twice as long as the toon. ■ The interloods is the best part ' of the mewsic and -should b3 the longest. Play <roni the interloods into tho toon without letting them kno when the toon begins. This will teach them to mind tliare bissness. Always play tho interloods faster or slower than the toon. This will keep it from bein the same time as the toon. If the preacher give out 5 verces play -1. To menny verces is teesin. Dooria the sermon &o out of the church and cum back in time for the next toon. This will show you doaut mean to be hard ou the preacher by havin too menny iistenin to him at wunst. A western damsel has framed the verdict of a jury gave in her favour in a suit for breach of promise of marriage, and has hung it conspicuously in her parlour as a frightful warning to all iridere. A bookbinder said to his wife at their wedding, " It seems that now we are bound together, two volumes in one, with clasps."—" Yes," observed one of tho gue3ta ; "one side highly ornamental Turkey morocco, and the other plain calf." One of the down-trodden in Indiana lately applied for a divorce, and the judge intimated his intention to decide against her. The lady alarmed, began to shed tears, and her dignified counsel edging his chair close to hers, whispered. "That's right, cry; cry like the d- and you'll get your decree." In less than ten minutes 3he was made a.fem??ie sole. In a recent case for assault, the defendant pleaded guilty, " I think I must be guilty," he said' " because the plaintiff and I were the only ones in the room, and the first thing I knew was that I was standiug up, and he was doubled over the table. You'd better call it guilty.' In all policies of life insurance, these, among a host of other questions occur : " Age of father if living ?" Age of ; mother if i living ?" A -man in the ■ country who tilled up an application rnado his father's age, if living, 120 years, and his mother's 'lO2. The agent lias amazed at this showing, and fancied he had got an excellent subject; but, ' feeling somewhat dubious, remarked that the. man came of a very long-living family. "Oh ' you see, sir," replied the -applicant, "my parents died many years ago ; but ' it living' would be aged as there put down.