MISCELLANEOUS.

Westport Times, Volume VII, Issue 1043, 4 February 1873, Page 4

MISCELLANEOUS.

Some ladies in Texas were desirous of doing honor to tho editor of a local journal, so they presented their hero with an embroidered shjrt, which contained a splendid history of Texas, and also pictures of the fruits and cerea's of the state, worked all over it in red worsted. Kow, this particular editor had never worn a shirt, and supposed the brilliant specimen before him to he a banner for an approaching temperance procession. In his speech of thanks he puzzled the lady donors by declaring that he would "fling it out for evor to the breezes of heaven, that they may kiss its folds, and till his hands palsied it should never be trailed in the dust." Being informed of the purpose of tho gift, the editor wore it over his coat, to the great edification of the boys of tho town, who followed him iu fegimentaj studying the history of Texas'' behind his bark." A Little Bargain -- Pe^—" Mamma, 3 want to make a ieotle bargain with

you." Mamma—•" What is it my dear?" Pet—" If you give me a papeu of sugarplums every day, I won't tell anybody you take your hair out of a drawer." Not If He Knew It.—A negro held a cow while a cross-eyed man was to know her on the head with an axe. Tie observeir.g the man's eye?, in some fear inquired, " You gwine to hit whar you look?" "Yes." "Den," said Cuffee,'' hold the cow yourself I ain't gwitie to let you hit me. "Anut Susan, suppose all the women were in one country, and all the men in another, with a big river between them, and no boats nor bridges, what would bo the consequence?" " Good gracious ! why, then lota of poor women would .be drowned!" A Fast Young Lody—One who is engaged. A correspondent at New York says the reports which reached that city with regard to the newly-discovered diamond deposited of Arizona are fabulous. A bag of gravel taken haphazard and exhibited in New York is ■said to " swarm" with diamonds, rubies, and sapphires, while from a ton and a half of the same material were sifted stones of the value of £40,030. A Disappointment.—" Young man. do you ever drink ?" asked a mild looking man, accosting Jones. " Well, yes, thank you, as it's a cold morning, I don't mind," leplied .Tones, removing his. quid of tobacco. " Don't do it any more," rejoined the mild man, " or you will eventually he utterly lost. Good morning. Heaven bless you. A Yankee journalist having asserted that a fellow-scribe had just discovered that he could wag his left ear, the latter retorts that the former has his aural appendages under such control as to be able to fan hiinself with them. Wanted To Know Too Much.—ln a court a man who was called upon to appear as a witness could not be found. On the judge asking where he was an elderly gentleman rose up, and with much emphasis, said: "Your Honor, he's gone." " Gone, gone," said the judge, "where is he gone ?" " That I cannot inform you," replied the communicative gentleman, "but he's dead." This is. considered the most guarded answer on record. A Moralist's Last FemarK—There are few potions of my past life which I recall with any pleasure, except instances of having defeated attempts to take me in.