A LAUGHABLE SELL.

Westport Times, Volume VI, Issue 1019, 5 November 1872, Page 3

A LAUGHABLE SELL.

A good story is told in connection with an important division that lately took place in a Colonial Legislative i body. Let lis suppose it was not the j New Zealand House of Representatives. A lengthy debate had ensued upon a question the approval of which by the Legislature would compel the Government to resign. A close division was expected, and as the debate drew near its end, the whips on both sides exerted their utmost to secure wavering votes. One important duty they could not neglect—that of making sure that all those who had promised their votes should make their appearance on the night of the division. It S appears an adherent of the Opposition, i after delivering himself of a lengthy : and tedious speech, either because he ; felt ashamed of his oration, or from , some other cp-uso, having oblr.ined an advance upon his honorarium, took the necessary steps to forget " the wretched past." Ho succeeded, and bis success proved a source of great anxiety to the Opposition whips. The hire possibility of Jones being Found in a state of coma when the division bell rang, caused them to shudder. j Were it only a case of broken limbs, I/Vie difficulty could be overcome. Jones might come down upon crutches, I with his damaged limbs swathed in I bandages, and record his vote. There I was precedent to show that a case of ! this kind had already occurred in the colonies. Indeed, such a state was to be desired. The appearance of the : pale and crippled Jones at the division ! under such circumstances would mark I the earnestness and enthusiasm of the , Opposition, and it would be an inciI dent befitting the occasion which ] promised to be an historical one. | However, not only was there an I absence of all sentiment in the pros- ' pect of Jones being simply " mops and brooms," but there was the possibility, if things were allowed to run their course, that his legs might fail him in the lobby. . Some strong and decisive action must be taken. A consultation was held, and on the morning of the clay on which it was expected the division would take place,§ Jones was removed under charge of two member of the Opposition to the committee room of a joint committee which had suspended its sittings. " Soda" ad libitum was placed at his disposal, and sedatives prescribed for him by a physician who was called in. After sundry unI successful applications for stimulants, ] Jones relapsed into a deep slumber, I whereupon his guardians took posses- | i sion of his boots, and locked him up. i He was visited at intervals during the j the day and on one or two occasions, 1 to prevent too great depression, he i bad judicious doses of his favorite brand administered to him. In the meantime; the capture of Jones had oxcited the attention of tho Government whips, and it was resolved, if possible, Jones should not vote. At dusk, certain friends of tho Government, having managed by means of a j] ladder to reach the roof of the comI mittee rooms, lowered a bottle of 3 " Hennessy," by a string down the |j chimney of Jones's room. They had not long to wait. The bottle was released by unseen hands. A faint chuckle, which came up the chimney, was echoed by tho conspirators, who hastily retired. When tho debate was resumed in the evening, the secret was contided to a select i'ew on tho Government side, that when the hour for dividing came, Jones would be discovered prostrate, and unable to come Bp to time. Time wore on, and the

debato was prolonged into the small hours. The division bell rang ; members crowded into the Chamber, and amongst them Jones, looking "as fresh as paint," and preserving a wonderful steadiness of gait. It was not till after the excitement of the division, in which the Government were defeated, was over, that the conspirators found time to discuss the overthrow of their plot. The whole affair was incomprehensible to them, Only one explanation was offered which had any show of reason in it. Smith, who professed to know something about Jones's " swallow," said he knew all along that nothing short of two bottles would be of use; that after twelve hours of total abstinence, one bottle of " Hcnnessy " would act like a " pick me up " upon him ; and Smith clinched his argument by reminding his friends of Jones's animated look when giving his vote with the ayes. The argument of the two bottles would not hold water, and it was resolved that a visit to Jones's late prison should be made, in the hope that some how or other the mystery would be cleared up. This they succeeded in doing, and an examination of the premises revealed to them the horrifying fact that the bottle had , gone down the wrong chimney, and had been the means of of providing a pleasant evening to certain young gentlemen who were engaged in Parliamentary work in an adjoining room. It is said that the disgust of the conspirators was only equlled, and was perhaps surpassed, by that of Jones, when he was informed that during the weary hours of that miserable day he had escaped temporary happiness through the deceptive construction of a flue.