A HINT TO THE SOCIAL ENTER TAINMENT COMMITTEE.

Westport Times, Volume VI, Issue 996, 16 August 1872, Page 3

A HINT TO THE SOCIAL ENTER TAINMENT COMMITTEE.

Some discussion took place last evening as to the " ways and means" for the above institution, and there appeared no little dilliculty, owing to the trouble in coaxing local amateurs to give their services at the shilling entertainments. It occurred to a member present (hat ho should give the Committee a hint, and by way of assisting them in providing some novelty to the British public, he begs to be allowed to relate the following facts, the truth of which is hereby verified upon affidavit. Whitworth may think lie has heard some queer yarns round camp fires of strolling theatricals, and so give readings of "kuffers" he has compiled, but there is one yarn which docs not grace his collection, and though like Druidical lore never placed on record, yet has been transmitted hence. It is as follows: —Fritz Frizzle went stone broko over his alligator, which cost him £7O, but it could not be avoided. It was one of there unlucky events which no human forecast could prevent. Frizzle was doing a slashing business with the reptile at Avoca. A Grerman baud pumped music incessantly, and an enormous cartoon exhibited in i front of the show, depicted the saurian in the act of swallowing a bullock whole, the rump and hind legs just disappearing down its capacious throat. Great was the rush to see the monster. Somo dissappointment was, however, felt -when it was discovered that it was like Mark Twain's mummy —dead. Certainly an iron rail, surrounding, prevented too close inspection, but the make-up was so good that it was never doubted that the brute had once lived, until one fatal night an inebriated digger jumped the barrier, and sent the toe of his watertight tbrough the abdomen of the alligator, whose bowels of sawdust now gushed out through its •canvass cuticle. The swindle was revealed. The reptile was rushed, and every digger you met that night had a bit of the alligator. Fritz took the hint, and cleared out quietly, and shortly after found himself in Geelong without a red cent, but he was not a man likely to be licked easily, and a day or two afterwards the " pivot" was illuminated by prismatic placards, announcing that the "warbling duck and the dancing cocks of Peru" were about to appear, and give some of iheir astounding performances. At the appointed time so well was the •out-door business managed, the house was crammed. Up went " the rag." Fritz came on and bowed. Apologisiug for the high prices he had been compelled to charge, necessitated by the immense cost of the wonderful creatures who would astound and delight them with their performances. To show the audience the cost and 'difficulty of obtaining the singing duck, he stated that this bird was only to bo found by a mountain lake, above the snow line of the Himalaya mountains, the existence of which was unknown to Europeans, and revealed to him by an Hindoo mother, whose child he had rescued from the fangs of a tiger. The manner of the bird's capture was simple but trying, but which he should never have been able to effect without the instruction of the Hindoo mother. He had to approach the shores of the lake for about three miles crawling on his stomach, then to lie silently till midnight, at which hour it was necessary to wade into its snowy waters, up to the chin, and remain among the sedges without making the least noise, scarcely breathing until day-light. At the first streak of dawn the male birds come for their morning drink. Then by imitating the note of the female ■bird (a peculiar soft and plaintive note) the male bird will approach, and as he flies past in quest of a mate, you throw a peculiar powder, extracted from the waters of the ocean, on their tails. He would now introduce the warbling duck. Fritz went off, and takiug his duck by the neck so as to make it gasp, rammed cayenne pepper •down its throat and pitched the bird from the flies. The bird appeared to •descend gracefully, then rushed about the stage gasping and attitudinising like a prima donna, while Fritz, unseen, from the wings warbled forth in delicate falsetto the song " Oh would I wore a bird." The applause was terrific, but here Fritz was indiscreet 'enough to let the bird respond to an encore, and the consequence was it broke down from suffocation in the Urat verse, but Fritz explained that it had only fainted from the excitement consequent upon appearing before such a large, numerous, and fashionable audience. The public were delighted and sympathetic. Next was introduced the dancing cocks. Fritz stated in consequence of the Mestizoes being jealous of foreigners, these birds were very difficult to obtain and also notably rare. The Chachapoyas, though less savage and exclusive, held these birds as sacred, and it was only by making their chief drunk, and presenting him with a bell-topper, that he had him "like a bird." The roosters were now brought on in a cage with an iron bottom, beneath which was cunningly secreted a charcoal fire. The cage was set clown, and the piano discoursed slow music. Slowly the birds began raising their feet as the iron got warmer. Their step quichened, mnsic accordingly. Hotter grew the iron, quicker the ■steps, faster the music, waltz, polka, gallop, oerentola, until the birds bounced about like dancing a highland fling in delirium tremens. Fritz then took tho birds from the cage, the

music ceased, and the audience retiied delighted. Fritz was ;v made man. It' you want to know what became of him I'll tell you another time. Meantime, Committee take a hint. Give us .something recherche on the next occasion.