HASELMAYER'S WONDERS!

Westport Times, Volume VI, Issue 995, 13 August 1872, Page 3

HASELMAYER'S WONDERS!

A Prince of Necromancers, having no compeer, Will soon display his magic marvels here, Haselmayer by name, a name well known, Prom icy Greenland to the Torrid Zone, Whose fame precedes him everywhere ho goes, Whose wondrous doings I will now disclose. With cards he shows you many curious things, And plays odd pranks with ladies' wedding rings; Makes omelettes too besides, and coffee hot, In an old hat, and o'er an empty pot; He waves his wand, and rosebuds then appear, Lending a fragrance to the atmosphere. 'His magic book of birds, and beasts, and fishes, His liquid transformations, and his dancing dishes; The three charmed bullets, and the magic clock, The miser's vision, and the wooden block ; The bank-note manufactory, and card suspension, And many other things of Ilaselmayer's invention, Are all performed with ease, rapidity, and grace. Nor can the most observant person trace The way they're done, however hard he ti ies, The Wizard's hands 'deceive the watcher's eyes. Next on the list stands forth the Goblin Drum, The greatest marvel now in Christendom, "Whose revelations cause no small surprise, ■Creating wonder e'en 'mongst the magic wise. The drum belonging to this great magician, Boasts of being an arithmetician; And quicker far than any one can count, Will work a sum, and tell the true amount. Write down some figures on a paper strip, Then fold it up and in your pocket slip The packet,—keep it safe, unseen, inside, — Tis all in vain, the drum is Argus-eyed, And tells them all correctly, one by one. But stay an instant'—now begins the fun, Should any lady doubt her lover's truth, 'Tis easy to detect the fickle youth: Coax him some night to Haselmayer's to come, Place him beside the wondrous Goblin Drum, She'll then find out in that one interview If to his vows he's false or true; One simple trial will the fact disclose, His truth or faithlessness at once expose. The juveniles who visit Haselmayer each night, Are overwhelmed with wonder and delight; The trained canaries and the clever mice, To see alone are worth the entrance price : The pet bird "-Charley" stands upon his head, And Baby rocks herself when put to bed; Blondin -and pupil on the slack rope swing, And prima donna's of the opera sing; The aged Grandpa dozes in his chair, And Fanny mounts the ladder in the air ; Carlo, a barrel rolls upon a plank; George, the obedient bird, and little Frank Appear, with Eothschild, counting money, And many -other things immensely funny Will visitors to Haselmayer each night behold, Enchanting young folks, and delighting old. One little mouse the greasy pole will climb. Another fellow makes the bell to chime; A tiny carriage on the table's seen, When Mrs Johnston, looking prim and clean, Appears, olid takes her seat inside, And Dexter takes her for an evening ride. We notice next the pretty Aerial Bell, We all see through it,'— but we cannot tell The way it's done, thaVs very plain, Strive how we will, conjectures all are vain. The Wizard Prince alone possesses skill, To make the bell subservient to -his will. I could enumerate a thousand more Such <jlever tricks, but fear to bore My readers, so take my advice, — Go see this clever man, his birds, and mice, And you'll pronounce this Wizard, I'll en» gage, As all the press have done, "The Woiulcr qfthe Age J"

A Now Haven physician lias discovered a, successful way of silencing the clamours of his landlord. W hen that grasping personage calls for the payment of rent, the doctor quietly shows him a skeleton in an inner room, and tells him "That man came here just two weeks ago with a bill." This is regarded as equivalent to a settlement in full.