MISCELLANEOUS.

Westport Times, Volume VI, Issue 984, 2 July 1872, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Dutchman's Temperance Lecture. —I sail tell how it vos. I drunk mine beer; den I put my hand on mine head, and dere vos one pain. Den I put mine hand on mine body, and dere vos anoder pain. Den I puts mine hand on mine bocket, and dere vos netting. So I jine mid de demperence. Now dere is no pain in mine head, and de pain in mine body vas all gone avay. I put mine hand on mine bocket, and dere was dwendy dollar. So I stay mid de demperence peoples. A Repentant Husband and a Forgiving Wife.—Here'sa true tale of woe: all about a beautiful and abandoned wife. She married a wretch who loved her money not wisely, but too well. When he got the money he loved somebody else, and departed for the "rolling prairies of the mighty West." His earthly possessions were burnt up in the Chicago fire and then he came back to New Tork, and put up at the Astor House without a cent in his pocket. Remorse seized him (it must have been remorse), and ascertaining the address of his lawful partner, he thus wrote her: ' I am here and penniless. Forgive the past and come to my arms again.' This is what she wrote back: ' I'll come as soon as I can. Excuse delay. I have gone to have a loaded head put on the cane you left.' He did'nt wait' Remorse seized him again and carried him off. Finis. A mysterious discovery of two batches of bread hidden in the bush at Maori Hill, near Dunedin,. excited some wonder as to how they got there. The ' Daily Times' says:—A rej ort current explains the mystery as being —to use a common mining phrase — a case of " salting" a bakery. A man of clever attainments, it is said, had his business for sale. He met with a purchaser whom he on these mornings invited to his shop while his customers' bread was being sent out. The bread was duly despatched per cart. On the discovery at Maori Hill being reported, the intended proprietor became suspicious, and found the amount sent out exceeded the orders. A satisfactory explanation was not given, and the sale not having been concluded, he left the clever man to seek a new purchaser for his business. An American editor says he once partook of a beverage so very strong

that he could not tell whether it was brandy or a torchlight procession that was going down his throat. An Illinois clergyman forbade any further contributions under five cents, saying that " the widows mite business is played out here."