MISCELLANEOUS.

Westport Times, Volume VI, Issue 911, 9 January 1872, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

A Highlander was tried for a capital offence, and had rather a narrow escape; hut the jury found him "Not guilty." "Whereupon the judge, in discharging him, thought fit to admonish him. " Prisoner, hefore you leave this bar let mo give you a piece of advice. You have got off this time, hut if ever you come before me again I'll be cautiou (surety) you'll be hanged. "Thank you, my lord," answered Donald'' thank you for your good advice ; and, as I'm nouugrateful', I beg to gi* 1 your lordship a piece o' advice in return. Never be caution for onybody, for the cautioner has often to pay the penalty." The Americans had no truer friend than Edmund Burke. On March 22, 1775, he delivered a powerful and eloquent speech on behalf of the Americans, wherein be handled the policy of the Government rather severely, nor bad he spared the King. Upon taking his seat on this occasion, one of bis Majesty's Ministers of Finance arose to take him to task for having cast contempt upon the King, fancying, no doubt that if he could divert the attention of the Commons from the Administration to the monarch, he break the force of Burke's strong philippics. Burke listened till the gentleman had concluded, and then, addressing the Speaker in a very quiet and subdued manner, as though the opposition lie had called up was of very slight consequence, he said—" Sir, the honourable gentleman has exhibited much ardour, though but very little discrimination. He should know that, however I may reverence ihe King, I am not inclined to extend that reverence to his Ministers 1 may honour his Majesty ; but, sir, T can see no possible reason for honouring (a glance at' the Treasury bench) his Majesty'.* man-servant, his maid-servant, his ox (a particular glance at his opponent), or las ass." Anecdote of Dr Smollett.—A companion of Smollett's who wps apprenticed to a surgeon in G-iasgow, having heen engaged in a frolic with the future historian one winter's evening, was receiving a severe reprimand from his master for quitting the shop. The lad having alleged in excuse that he had been struck by a snowball, and had gone out in pursuit of the person who had thrown it was listening to the taunts of his master on the improbability of such a story. " How long," said the worthy doctor, with the confident air of one fearless of contradiction, " might I stand here, and such a thing not happen to me ?" The boy was completely puzzled, when Smollett, who stood behind the pillar of the shop door, and heai-d what passed, snatched up a snowball, and quickly delivered his playmate from the dilemma in which the question had placed him, by an answer equally prompt aud conclusive. The Kev. John Ilsugh, of Stirling, was one day admonishing one of his people on the sin of intemperance. " Man John, you should never drink except when you're dry." Weel, sir," quoth John, " that's what I am aye doin'; for I am never slockin'd."

" Waiter I'll take my hat," said a gentleman at a ball one evening as he was about going home. " What kind of a hat is it, sir ?" " A bran new one" I bought it this morning." " Well, sir," said the waiter, " all the good hats have been gone this two hours." The " Panama Star " tells the following story of a smart dog :—" When the dog wishes to cross a river where alligators abound, he goes up the stream a great way, and barks with all his might; the alligators go there and wait for him to swim across. Tho dog

knows what he is about; when he sees from the number of snouts above water that his enemies have all gathered to the feast, he runs down the bank as fast as he can, and swims across before the alligators are aware of the trick that has been played upon them." A thirteen-year-old lowa girl weighs stone. She is eclipsed by a Vancouver Islander (age not stated), who has been exhibiting at Portland, Oregon, and who weighs only one pound short of 30 stone.