Page 3 Advertisements Column 1

Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 869, 3 October 1871, Page 3

Women who make up their faces deceive themselves if they think that, by so doing, they are the more likely to make men make up their minds. Old Mrs Washington says she is waiting for the next hard shower to get some soft water. " "Wear my hat on my head! impossible, grand'pa dear ! Haven't done such a thinp for ages! Its pinned on with my hair! " An ingenious wife cured her husband of snoring thus: She has a guttapercha tube with two-cupshape ends ; one she puts over his nose and mouth and the other over his ear. He consumes his own noise, as a stove does its smoke, and wakes up instanter. Sleep is death's younger brother, and so like him that I never dare trust him without my prayers. No man improves in any company for which he has not respect enough to be under some degree of restraint. A wag passing by a house that had been almost consumed by fire, inquired whose it was. Being told it was a hatter's, "Ah ! " said he, " then the loss will be felt"