MISCELLANEOUS.

Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 840, 22 July 1871, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

In these modern days anyone may successfully rival Captain Cook, and without much trouble or any great outlay of time or money. Taking Liverpool as his starting point, his route will be as follows :—From Liverpool to New York in nine days, 3000 miles; New York to Chicago, 30 hours ,' 800 miles; Chicago to San Francisco, 5 days and 5 hours, 2440 miles ; San Francisco to Yokohama, 20 - days, 4700 miles; Yokohama to Hongkong, 6 days, 1600 miles; Hongkong to Calcutta, 14 days, 3500 miles ; Calcutta to Bombay, by Calcutta and Northern India Railroad, 2 days, 1200 miles; Bombay to Cairo, 12 days 3600 miles; Cairo to Alexandria by Suez Canal, 5 hours, 100 miles; Alexandria to Marseilles, 6 days, 1800 miles; Marseilles to Calais, by rail, 32 hours, 615 miles; Calais to Liverpool, 11 hours, 320 miles. Making a total distince of 23,765 miles traversed in 77 days and ten hours. Thus has steam reduced a perilous and uncertain journey of years. The « Pall Mall Gazette " remarks; —" It is not surprising that the Emperor Napoleon should live a very retired life at Camden Park, Chiselhurst. It is said that he has not quitted his residence for above a week on account of the bitter east winds; but it is not difficult to account on other grounds for his keeping close quarters. His experience at Dover must have taught him wisdom. Crowds of people still besiege Chiselhurst, anxious to get a look at. the illustrious exile. Every now and then an excursion van drives up, and the passengers mount on the top in order to secure a better chance of seeing something. Every opportunity of running the police blockade is embraced with eagerness. The Catholic church, which the Empress and the Prince Imperial attend zealously, has been converted into a species of exhibition, a regular charge for seats being imposed j and, though the tariff has been largely increased of late, there is no apparent influence on the demand. It is to be hoped that a good share of the profit is regularly sent round to Camden Park. .If it be true that the Emperor saved no fortune during his reign, he has now an excellent opportunity of making one."

A printer in Edinburgh was in the habit of introducing a much greater number of commas thau it appeared to the author the sense required. The case was provoking, but did not produce a formal remonstrance, until the printer himself afforded the learned editor an opportunity of signifying his dissatisfaction with the plethora of punctuation under which his compositors were made to labour. The worthy printer, one day coming to a passage which he could not understand, very naturally took it into his head that it was unintelligible, and transmitted it to his employer, with a remark on the margin, that "there appeared some obscurity in it." The sheet was immediately returned with this reply:—" Mr Jeffrey sees no obscurity here, except such as arises from the d d quantity of commas, which Mr "Wilson seems to keep in a pepperbox beside him, for the purpose of dusting all his proofs with." Here is an argument for teetotallers. Upwards of two thousand medical men in EnglaDd and elsewhere, including many of the leading members of the profession, have signed this declara-

•tion: —We are of opinion—l. That a Vf>ry large proportion of human misery, including poverty, disease, and crime, is induced by the use ot alcoholic or fermented liquor as beverages. 2. That the most perfect health is compatible with total abstinence from all such intoxicating beverages, whether in the form of ardent spirits, or as wine, beer, ale, porter, cider, Ac. 3. That all persons accustomed to such drinks may with perfect safety discontinue them, either at once or gradually after a short time. That total and universal abstinence from alcoholic liquors and intoxicating beverages of all sorts, would greatly contribute to the • health, the prosperity, the morality, and the happiness of the human race."

There is nothing more ludicrous than the impressive dignity of a druukard. Such an one fell down a flight of stairs in Bellows Falls the other night, and a passer by, fearing him injured, ran to pick him up. But the man majestically staggered to his feet, and, in response to the proffered aid, roared out, " Now, you jes lemme. Wan' no slobberin' around me. I alius come down stairs that way ?" Two gentlemen were lately examining a portion, of a plough in a market place. " I'll bet a guinea," said one, '• you do not know what this is for." "Done," said the other; "it is for sale." The bet was won and the wager paid. . Mr Torpey, of jewel renown, has been caught in the most silly and seductive manner. Like all these clever simpletons, he returned to England, and his wife must needs visit him unaware that she was constantly attended by a body of detectives, who soon broke up the interview. The board of trade accounts represent the computed real value of the merchandise imported into the United Kingdom in the year 1870 as 303,296,082 the largest amount ever reported. The increase is in the imports from foreign countries which amounted to the sum of £238,498,432 ; the imports from British Possessions, £64,797.650, have been larger in several recent years. The imports from the United States, amounting to £49,804,929, reached the largest value as yet recorded. The same may be said of the imports from France, £37,608,043. The year's imports from Australia and New Zealand advanced to £14,075,291; from British North America to £8,512,789. The general resulS Is an increase over 1869 to the extent of £7,835,168.

A middle-aged man in Devonshire, England, was fined a pound and costs fo refusing to make out a census paper for himself and his child, asserting that he did not know either his own name or his place of birth, and that he would not perjure himself by making a false entry. The Marquis of Bute one day, taking a walk in Auchinleck, Ayrshire, observed a herd boy whistling with great vivacity near the roadside. When he came up to the place he asked the boy if he had had his dinner ; the boy answered that he had. "And what did you have?!' said the other. " Brose," said the boy. " What is that ?" said the Marquis. " Od, mon," said the boy, "ye dinna ken gude meat i" General Sheridan, on the occasion of a recent visit to Dublin, refused to receive an address from the " Nationalists," stating that he was. on official business from the United States.

According to Lord George- Cavendish, Mr Lowe made no less than 18 jokes in his Budget speech, each of which, taking the abandoned taxes as the basis of calculation, must have cost him £IOO,OOO. James Bantas, an old coloured man died in Flushing yesterday morning, at the advanced, age of 111 years. Bantas was originally a slave of John Aspinall and was born in the old Aspinall House on Broadway, New York. At the time of the revolution he was liberated. For over forty years he was ferrymaster on Flushing Creek owning a small boat, by which he transported people across. Up to within a few days Bantas had full possession of his faculties, remembering every incident of interest which has transpired during the last century.— " New York Times," Feb. 2.