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Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 784, 4 March 1871, Page 3

A Yankee editor thus desciibes a team running away with a lumber waggon:—" The infuriated beasts dashed madly on, as though rejoicing in the spirit of destruction, until, coming in contact with the staunch old flagstaff, the waggon was upset, when the sagacious animals quietly waited for affrighted spectators to arrive and reinstate the vehicle on its tires." Nature Could not Afford it.—A young gentleman who has just married a little undersized beauty, says she would have been taller but she is made of such precious materials that nature could not afford it. An advertisement in a Vicksborough paper reads as follows: " The man who bet a box of cigars that it would be a boy, and lost it because it turned out a girl, had better come and pay me for the cigars or I will put his name to the above, and let the public know who the unfortunate gentleman is.—G-. M. Haszinger. Who was April Fool ?—Some genius posted a letter to the Bev. Henry Ward Beecher, on the Ist of April, in whichtheonly words were "April Fool." Mr. Beecher retorted, " I have heard men who wrote letters and forgot to their name, but never before met a case in which a man signed his name and forgot to write the letter." To Cure Dyspepsia.—Close all the outer doors of a four-story house, open the inner doors, and then take a long switch, and chase a cat up aud down stairs till she sweats. Why is a clever grammarian never involved iu quarrels ? —Because he is master of his own tongue. What kind of robbery is not dangerous ?—A safe robbery, of course. There are over one hundred and thirty-three thousand paupers in London.