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Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 782, 28 February 1871, Page 3

Lord Lyons is the uncle of the Duke of Norfolk who is engaged to marry the Princess Marguerite of Orleans. The Princess Louise, in accepting the Marquis of Lome for her husband, has evidently encouraged the Princess Marguerite to confer the same favour upon another scion of the British aristocracy. A gentleman, having engaged a bricklayer to make some repairs in his cellar, ordered the ale to be removed before the bricklayer commenced his work. " Oh, I'm not afraid of a barrel of ale," said the bricklayer. " I presume not," said the gentleman ; "but I think a barrel of ale would run at your approach." A Cute Barrister.—An American paper tells the following anecdote of a will case which recently made a sensation in court. The barrister was cross-examining a witness, who was called to depose to the authenticity and formal execution of the testament, and extracted from him that be had witnessed the testator's signature, and had seen the document Realed. With red or black wax? "With red." •' Tou say you saw the seal affixed with red wax?" "I did." " Where was the testator at the time ?" "In bed." " How long was the piece of sealing wax ?" " Between three and four inches." " Who handed it to the testator ?" " I did." " Where did you take it from ?" " From a writingdesk on the table." " What was it lighted with ?" "A piece of wax taper, which I took from the same place." "Who lighted the taper?" " I did, with a match which I took from the mantel-shelf." Here the lawyer paused in his cross-questioning, and fixing his eye on the witness, with his thumb on the seal of the will in dispute, recapitulated point by point tho evidence just given, and asked him if it was correct. " Yes, sir." " Gentlemen of the jury," said the advocate, " I beg to inform you that the seal in question is a wafer!" " I was not aware that you knew him," said Tom Smith to an Irish friend the other day. "Knew him !" exclaimed he, in a tone that comprehended the tone of more than one life-time, " I knew him when his father was a boy!" Flat Falsehood —Lying on your back.

" Terms—Caßh."—Lady Bountiful: " Here, my good man, here's a ticket for the Organising Charitable Relief and Repressing Mendi—" Professional beggar (with a sneer): "O, thanky for nothink, mum, hours is a ready money business !"