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Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 774, 9 February 1871, Page 3

A verbose young clergyman, after hearing an address from his bishop on the importance of diligent, painstaking preparation for the pulpii, replied:— ' Why, my lord, 1 often go to the vestry without knowing what text I shall preach upon, yet I go up and preach an extempore sermon, and think nothing of it.'—'Ah, well,' said, his lordship, 'that agrees with what I hear from your people for they hear the sermon, and thev also think nothing of it.' We learn from the " Stationer " that a church near Bergen, capable of holding a thousand people, ia constructed entirely of old rags and paper. The facias, status, roof, ceiling, corinthians, and capitals arc all of papier mache, made waterproof by being saturated with vitrol, lime water, curds, and the white of eggs. The mystery of necktie festivals is thus cleared up : —A lot of neckties of different patterns are made up by the ladies, sealed up in envelopes, and bought by the gentlemen before unsealing ; after which the gentleman is

to hunt up the lady wearing a dress of the same materia), and is thereupon to devote his attention to her commands. The man who lives on hope must pick the bones ov disappointment. This settling down and folding our arms, and waiting for something to turn up, iz just az rich a speculation as going out into a four acre lot, sitting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between you; 1 knees, and waiting for a cow to back up and be milked.— '* Josh Billings." A maiden lady, suspecting her female servant, was regaling her beau on the cold mutton of the larder, called Betty, and inquired whether she did not hear somebody speaking with her down stairs. "Oh no, ma'am," replied the girl, "it was only me singing a psalm !" " You may amuse yourself, Betty," replied the maiden, "with psalms, but let's have no hims, Betty. 1 have a great objection to hims." Betty curtsied, withdrew, and took the hint. A sailor, the other day in describing his first efforts to become nautical, said that, just at the close of a dark night, he was sent aloft to see if he could see a light. After a short time he was hailed from the deck with " -Mast head ahoy !" " Ay, ay, sir," was the answer. "Do vou see a light ?" "Yes, sir." " What light ?" "Daylight, sir." The look-out was ordered down with a run.