JOSH BILLINGS IN TIGHT BOOTS.

Westport Times, Volume V, Issue 759, 5 January 1871, Page 3

JOSH BILLINGS IN TIGHT BOOTS.

I would just like tew kno who wuz the man who first invented tite butes. If he still lives I hope he has repented his sin or iz enjoying grate agony ov sum kind. You kan't get an average on the pinch ov a tite boot, enny more than you can on the bite ov a lobster. Enny man who kan ware a pair of tite boots and be humble and penitent, and not indulge in profane iitteratoor will make a good husDand. He will do more than that, he will do to divide up into several fust klass husbands, and be made to answer for a whole naber hood.

Oh! for the pen of departed William Shakspear to write an athema against tite boots that would make anshant Home wake up and howl again as she did once before on a previous ockashuu.

Oh! for the strength of Herkules, to tare into shu strings all the tite hoots ov creachun, and scatter them to the 4 winds of heaven.

Oh! for the beauty of Venus, to make a big foot look handsum without a tite boot on it.

Oh! for a pair of tite boots big enough for the foot ov the Mountain. Mi feet are as a dog's nose the fust time he wears a muzzle. I think mi feet will eventually choke the boots to deth. Oh! for the pashunce of Job the Apostle, to nuse a tite boot and bless it, and .even pra for one r size smaller and more pinchful. I supposed i had lived long enough not to be phoojed again in this way, but i have found that an ounce of vanity weighs more than a pound of Teason, espeshally wen a man mistakes a big foot for a small one.