MARK TWAIN'S OPINION OF WOMAN.

Westport Times, Volume III, Issue 521, 24 June 1869, Page 2

MARK TWAIN'S OPINION OF WOMAN.

At the annual banquet of the Washington Correspondents' Club, held on the night of the 12th January, the Star reports the twelfth toast as follows :—" Woman : The pride of the professions, and the jewel of ours," was responded to by Mr Clements, better known as Mark Twain.

Mr Twain responded as follows : Mr President —I do not know why I should be singled out to receive the greatest distinction of the evening—for so the office of replying to the toast to woman has been regarded in every age. (Applause.) Ido not know why I have received this distinction, unless it be that I am a trifle less homely than the other members of the club. But, be this as it may, Mr President, I am proud of the position; and you could not have selected any one who would have accepted it more gladly, or labored with a heartier good will Lo do the subject justice, than I. Because, sir, I love the sex. (Laughter.) I love all the women, sir, irrespective of age or color. (Laughter.) Human intelligence cannot estimate what we owe to woman, sir. She sews on our buttons. (Laughter.) She mends our clothes. (Laughter.) She ropes us in at the church fairs—she confides in us, she tells whatever she can find out about the little private affairs of the neighbors—she gives us a piece of her mind sometimes—and sometimes all of it—she soothes our aching brows —she bears our children —ours as a general thing. In all relations of life, sir, it is but a just and a graceful tribute to woman to say that she is a brick. (Great laughter.) Wheresoever you place woman, sir, in whatever position or estate, she is an ornament to the place she occupies, and a treasure to the world. [Here Mr Twain paused, looked enquiringly at his hearers, and remarked that the applause should come iu at this point. It came in. Mr Twain resumed his eulogy.] Look at Cleopatra! look at Desdemona! look at Florence Nightingale ! look at Joan of Arc ! look at Lucretia Borgia! (Disapprobation expressed.) Well, said Mr Twain, scratching his head doubtfully, suppose we let Lucretia slide. Look at Joyce Heth! look at Mother Eve ! (Cries of oh oh.) Tou need not look at her unless you want to : but, said Mr Twain reflectively, after a pause, Eve was ornamental, sir, particularly before the fashions changed. I repeat, Sir, look at Lucy Stone! look at Elizabeth Cady Santon! look at Greorge Francis Train ! (great laughter) and, sir, I say it with bowed head and deepest veneration, look at the mother of Washington. She raised a boy tint could not lie—could not lie. —(Applause.) But he never had any chance. (Oh, oh.) It might have been different if he belonged to a Newspaper Correspondents' Club. (Laughter, groan?, hisses, and cries of " put him out.") Mark looked around placidly upon his excited audience, and resumed. I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman, she is an ornament to society, and a treasure to the world. As a sweetheart she has few equals and no superiors—(laughter) ; as a cousin she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother, with an incurable dis-

temper, she is precious ; as a wet nurse she has no equal among men. (Laughter.) What, sir, would the people of this earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. Then let us cherish her, let us protect her, let us give her our support, our encouragement, or sympathy —ourselves, if we get a chance. (Laughter.) But, jesting aside, Mr President, woman is loveable, gracious, kind of heart, beautiful, worthy of all respect, of all esteem, of all deference. Not any here will refuse to drink her health right cordially in this bumper of wine, for each and every one has personally known, and loved, aud and honored the very best one in the world—his own mother.—(Apglause.)